Wedding Family Matters: Birth Mother at the Wedding?
Q: My oldest son is getting married next fall. I love his fiance and I'm thrilled with their decision. The only problem is that my son, who we adopted at birth, wants to invite his birth mother (whom we recently found) to the wedding. I have always been grateful to her for giving life to my son and for her decision to give him up for adoption, but I do not want to share this day with her. When my son realized I was a little less than thrilled with the idea he immediately dropped it, but now I feel guilty! Should I? What is proper in this case?
A: You said it yourself: You want him to be happy, and this is his day. Your feelings are totally understandable and normal -- you raised him, and you feel it's your right to be the mother of the groom on his wedding day. What you need to remember is that you will be, whether his birth mother is present or not. Any relationship he builds with her will not compare to or replace his relationship with you. Talk with your son about your feelings -- tell him you feel like his birth mom is going to take your place at the wedding, even though you know that's foolish. Let him reassure you. Then give him your blessing and let him make the decision about whether or not to invite his birth mom.