Bridesmaids: What If Maid Doesn't Like Fiance?

by The Knot

As soon as I got engaged (more than a year ago), I asked a friend of 12 years to be a bridesmaid. She wasn't thrilled. She also had just moved to another state, which didn't allow us to spend as much time together. During my wedding engagement, I found out that she doesn't really like my fiance. I don't feel good about having her in my wedding party, but I think she would be hurt if I didn't ask her. What do I do?


This is a touchy situation. Of course, you want the people you feel closest to in your wedding, and obviously you don't feel very close to this friend right now. Also, it sounds like you're feeling some resentment toward her because she has been so distant (both physically and emotionally). In fairness, friendship takes two: Maybe she hasn't contacted you much, but have you contacted her? Remember that a bridesmaid's life doesn't get put on hold just because you are the bride. (We're playing devil's advocate just to get you to think about where your relationship stands.) You should talk to her face-to-face. Invite her out to coffee and ask her if she's comfortable about being in your wedding. You said she wasn't thrilled in the first place, so let her know she upset you, and you wonder why she reacted that way. Tell her that you miss how your friendship used to be, and you wonder why it changed. Don't blame her for it -- frame it as something you're both involved in (even though you may really feel like it's her fault). Then see how she reacts. Maybe a good heart-to-heart will clear this entire thing up, and she'll be happy to be in your wedding and you'll be happy to have her there. Or maybe she'll tell you she's not comfortable with it, and you'll at least know what's going on. Good luck.

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