Wedding Family Matters: Mother-in-law Thinks I Want a Cheap Wedding!
Q: This may sound kind of funny, but I am having trouble with my future mother in law trying to save us too much money on the wedding! I knew even before I met my fiance what kind of wedding I wanted, and I am more than willing to pay the extra money for it! For example, my niece will be my flower girl, and I want her dress to coordinate with my tulle dress, but my MIL suggested we buy a flower girl dress cheaply from one of her relatives, even though it's satin and not what I am looking for. It's getting to the point where I can't even tell her anything about the wedding, because she will replace all my ideas with cheaper ones! I really like my fiance's mother, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but this is getting annoying!
A: You're probably a bit conflicted -- this woman is trying to help by offering to save you money, and you're getting annoyed! But don't feel guilty. She feels like she's trying to help, but really she's hindering your wedding planning. This is typical and normal mom behavior -- not just mom-in-law behavior!When she comes up with something you know just won't fly -- like the flower girl dress -- all you have to do is say, very politely, "Thanks, that's really nice of you, but it's not quite what I want. I'll keep looking." Of course, it would help to give in to at least one (or two) of her budget suggestions, just to keep the peace (if you constantly say no, she might get offended or feel hurt). Now's a great time to cement a good relationship with her. So if she has any suggestions about wedding stuff that's not crucial to your vision -- like she knows about this great flower market where you can get cool wildflowers for the centerpieces, or she can get favors wholesale from her office pal -- you might want to tell her, "Sure!" Truth be told, weddings mean compromise, even if you know exactly what you want. So consider which wedding details don't have to match your dreams exactly, then hand 'em off to her. It will pay off in the long run.