Bridal Shower: Invite My Fiance's Ex to Wedding Shower?

by the knot

I recently learned that I was not invited to a bridal shower because the bride said she would feel "too uncomfortable" around me (she's a former flame of my fiancé's and part of his close circle of friends). She and her fiancé are coming to our wedding, and we're going to theirs. I don't have any problems with her, and in fact had planned on asking my maid of honor to invite her to my wedding shower since other friends of hers will be there. Should I invite her as planned or follow her lead and leave her out?


Situations involving an ex -- yours or his -- almost always need to be handled delicately. Luckily, it sounds like you're already there. Though it might feel a little weird for you that there's a one-sided awkwardness to your relationship (she feels strange around you, you feel fine around her), it is understandable. That said, the fact that you're going to each other's weddings -- and that she's part of your fiancé's group of friends -- means that you will most likely be running across each other's paths in the future. Your best bet: Don't let on that you know you were left off her invite list, and have your shower hostess add her to the guest list. Though she may decide that she does indeed feel too uncomfortable around you to show up, you should let that be her decision. (Just because she didn't invite you to hers doesn't mean that a non-invite on your part wouldn't appear as a snub to her -- you never know in a sticky situation like this.) If you do your part to extend the olive branch, at the least you'll smooth over some of the tension and who knows, you may wind up with a new friend.

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