Q&A: Save-the-Dates: Keeping the Wedding a Secret?

Q: I have a very large family, but my fiance and I have decided to have a very small getaway wedding. We have selected the people we want to invite, but we need to know if they will be able to attend so we can fill all the rooms. I wanted to send out save-the-date notes, but we don't want anyone to blab to the rest of the family. We want to keep it secret. Help!!

A: First of all, don't feel guilty! It's your prerogative to have the wedding you want -- if you want an intimate, faraway ceremony and reception, go for it! The best way to handle the situation is to phone your guests before you send save-the-date cards to explain the sensitivity of the situation. Let everyone know you'd appreciate if they didn't spread the news to family members who aren't invited because you don't want to make anyone feel bad. It's not 100% goof-proof, but no one can fault you for not trying.

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