The Groom to English Translator

What he's (really) saying between "Will you?" and "I do."
by The knot

When it comes to relationships, experts agree that communication is key. So what to do when the groom-to-be stops making sense? It's not that he's not talking, it's that he's talking crazy. Newsflash: Chances are he's equally clueless. In other words, even he doesn't know what he means. Wish you had a cheat sheet to help suss out his true thoughts? Read on.

When he says: "For the reception, let's get the china with the kitty-cat border on it."
He really means: "Maybe if I pick the worst thing I can find, I'll be off the hook from here on out."

When he says: "My mom has a really neat idea about flowers; you should call her!"
He really means: "My mom has a horrible idea about flowers that I know you'll loathe, but please be nice about it."

When he says: "The ecru invitation is the best."
He really means: "All of these samples look exactly the same to me...white."

When he says: "The groomsmen want to know if the ceremony can be at 10 p.m. so they won't have to miss the game."
He really means: "I'm having a hard time laying down the law with my boys. Could you be the bad cop?"

When he says: "Of course I was listening. Why wouldn't I be listening?"
He really means: "Babe, I'm human. We've been planning this thing for a year. So no...I was not listening."

When he says: "Hmmm...which to choose? Rubber chicken -- or rubber fish?"
He really means: "I'll grin and bear it if you ask me to wear the world's most ridiculous boutonniere, but food isn't a joke. Let's make sure it's great."

When he says: "It's up to you."
He really means: "As much as I love you, I can't even pretend to care about napkin rings."

When he says: "Are pets allowed at the venue?"
He really means: "I think these plans are getting a little too fancy for my taste."

When he says: "Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."
He really means: "Just because I can't read your mind doesn't mean I'm not excited. I don't want to disappoint you, so seriously -- please tell me what to do."

When he says: "I found a wedding band on Craigslist! And guess what? They'll play the reception for a hundred beer."
He really means: "Your willingness to stretch the budget to its breaking point has thrown me into a complete panic."

When he says: "You're not going to get one of those woven bread-loaf hairdos, are you?"
He really means: "I hope you'll walk down the aisle looking like you -- not some cookie-cutter bride-bot."

When he says: "Forget all this! Let's blow it off and elope in Costa Rica."
He really means: "You're acting like a total bridezilla and I just want you to be happy."

When he says: "Could our first dance be to 'Welcome to the Jungle,' by Guns N' Roses?"
He really means: "Could our first dance be to 'Welcome to the Jungle,' by Guns N' Roses?"

-- Hallie Goodman

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