9 Things Not to Say at an LGBTQ+ Wedding

"Which one of you is the bride?"
by The Knot

LGBTQ+ weddings will typically be exactly like cisgender, heterosexual weddings—a ceremony, good eats and drinks, and lots of dancing. 

But there are several wedding traditions you might not see (separating "the bride's side" from "the groom's side" comes to mind). So as a guest invited to an LGBTQ+ wedding, a good rule of thumb is: Don't assume all wedding traditions apply—and don't say any of the following. 

1. "Which one of you is the bride?"

Don't assume the couple is choosing to refer to themselves as brides or grooms. They may skip the terminology altogether.

2. "Is this a real, legal wedding?"

Of course it's a real wedding—it's two people making a lifelong promise to one another, and the Supreme Court ruled gay marriage as legal in 2015. 

3. "When or how are you going to have kids?"

Unless it comes up in conversation, leave this topic alone. It's not an appropriate question for any couple on their wedding day. It's simply none of your business.

4. "Oh, why isn't so-and-so family member here?"

A wedding is a time to celebrate and enjoy the company of those excited and affirming of the couple's relationship, and bringing up missing relatives who may or may not be in favor of the union could be hurtful.

5. "Thank you so much for the invite. I'm so excited to get to go to a real gay wedding!"

Even though you very well may be excited, absurdly LGBTQ+ positive comments like this can be polarizing.

6. "I'm guessing the DJ will be playing nothing but Gaga tonight."

You may be saying it entirely in jest or maybe you do really love Lady Gaga, but avoid applying stereotypes like this one. (Think of it this way: Would you say this at any other wedding?)

7. "What are your bridesmaids going to wear?"

It's not safe to assume that there will be traditional bridesmaids and groomsmen. The couple's closest VIPs might sit toward the front of the ceremony, or they may nix the tradition altogether.

8. "Which one of you will walk down the aisle?"

Forget about the traditional male-female roles you're used to seeing at a wedding and the standard aisle walk. Every couple is different. Some walk down the aisle with a family member or close friend, some walk down the aisle together—there are tons of options.

9. "Congrats! I'm so supportive of your sexual preference."

Not only is this just an odd thing to say, but you definitely wouldn't congratulate a straight couple on their engagement or wedding and then call out their "sexual preference" in the same breath. Don't be weird. 

Up Next
Same-sex wedding processional
LGBTQ+ Wedding Etiquette Q&A
Got questions? We've got answers.
by Liz Zack3 min read