HIS

It was April 16th 2022 approximately 11pm. I had danced my way through Echostage for the past hour when a blue spotlight shone down upon her. I saw her light-up scrunchies while she grooved through the set. I wiggled my way over with a smile across my face and said, “Hi! I’m Alex, what’s your name?” As we introduced ourselves I noticed her twinkling blue eyeshadow and ability to keep the beat! I don’t think she gave much thought to me until I started leaving… In rave culture, members exchange pony bead bracelets called Kandi through a well known handshake. It’s a ritual of sorts you might participate in when you’ve felt a closeness to someone. We performed the ritual as many an ancestor did and I gave her a Kandi with my phone number on it! When she realized what it was, her jaw literally dropped as you all know how Carolyn does. I was hooked! Shortly after I left, we started sending our very first text messages. That same night we planned our first date for the following Saturday: tacos and margaritas at the new El Rey of Ballston!

As the week before the first date progressed, our texts were light-hearted and silly. It’s rare to meet someone who would give as much attention to a message. We weren’t yet aware of how many of those first words were indications of the many quirks we both possess. She was excitable, silly, weird, and thoughtful. She was kind and idyllic. It felt as if gazing into a mirror that reflected a hue of innocence. Did I reflect the same, I wondered? “He’s an oddball, silly, weird, loud, crazy,” they’ve all said about me. I was definitely those things, and perhaps, here was the same looking back. The moment Carolyn got out of her car, marking the beginning of our first date, we opened our arms to hug. “I feel like I already know you,” I said. “Same,” she replied. Our lunch date lasted six hours! When I walked her down to her car she asked, “So, when will I see you next?”…

I tried to stay skeptical about the entire endeavor, but something was different this time. For example, it was our third date and my car was locked in the parking garage because we couldn’t stop talking at the restaurant and the doors lock after a certain hour. Once we got to the car through the pedestrian entrance and before too long, I said, “this is a stupid thing to say right now, but… I love you. Don’t repeat that to anyone or they’ll think I’m crazy. I just… already know.” As we considered how to deal with this locked parking garage, she came up with the solution to get us out. Before we parted ways she repeated, “So, when will I see you next?”…

Reimagining those early days, I can see the swirls of torrential chaos spiraling around us suddenly froze in time. Like in the movies when the rain stops pouring for a brief moment and the camera pans around the characters. As if we found a footing in the torrent and started moving with the grain of the storm. The chaos continues, but we ride along it, unopposed by the winds and the hail. Life became easier after we met. Carolyn continues to inspire my sillier tendencies. Reminding me the world is more fun than I’ve made it at times. Somehow, we’ve brought the best out of each other. We both work less because we know we need to conserve energy to mend each other after the long days. We stopped pouring from glasses half empty because we felt a responsibility to care for one another. As long as we both have energy to problem solve and we stay patient, we’ll be swimming downstream. I just wish I found her earlier… but if I did… I wouldn’t have known so vividly that I needed exactly her.

HERS

It had been almost a year since my last visit to Echostage, so on April 16th, 2022 I rallied a group of friends from a few different social circles together to dance the night away with. That’s all it was supposed to be - dancing with friends. I had absolutely no intention of meeting the love of my life. In fact, I had just deleted the dating apps (again, perpetuating the download/delete/redownload cycle…you know the one), swearing that I was destined to be alone and should instead focus on personal and professional development.

To celebrate my now permanent independent woman status, and because raves are bright and colorful, I got some light up scrunchies to share and wore a bold, teal-colored eye liner. Never had I ever worn eyeliner that wasn’t brown, so this felt like a whole new Carolyn was emerging from the ashes. Dancing has always been a therapeutic release for me and I was so excited to just swim in sound for hours surrounded by my people.

And then this guy came out of nowhere and very enthusiastically introduced himself. His attractiveness was immediately apparent, and the fluid mobility of his hips was rather striking. We made a little small talk, as well as you can at an EDM show, then I turned away after a bit to refocus on dancing. At one point he tried to dance with me, but I would not have that on independent woman night and quickly wiggled away. He respected that, though, and we ended up talking again later and exchanged Kandi. His bracelet had his phone number on it which I thought was particularly creative, which translated to intrigue - surely it wouldn’t hurt to text him, would it?

One of the first things we discussed after the show around 4 am was how we both agreed that arugula is a superior leaf. With that deal-breaker now out of the way, the conversation didn’t stop. We scheduled our first date for the following Saturday for lunch. For a reason I couldn’t identify at the time, going into this first date felt different. The fact that it lasted 6 hours definitely affirmed that instinct.

Immediately, life felt lighter. Felt like a fairytale. Everything looked like it was sparkling. I experienced uncontrollable fluttering physical sensations. Three weeks into dating Alex, I told my parents. The first thing my mom said was that I’d been noticeably happier recently and she was excited to know why. My dad, on the other hand, jumped straight to, “Do we have enough to afford a wedding?” Suddenly, my routine didn’t matter anymore. We even went on dates on school nights! I just wanted to spend every day, every moment I could with him. And he wanted everything to do with me!

He was almost too perfect - super smart, silly, hot af, adventurous, driven…but I think what really solidified our instantaneous connection was the earnest depth and vulnerability that we both brought to conversation. I, still, am in genuine disbelief at how easy everything is with Alex. We marvel at and celebrate each others’ weirdness, uplift each other when challenged, play to each others’ strengths and weaknesses to find balance, build our own traditions, and have so much fun doing literally anything together.

He said “I love you” VERY early (which I thought was crazy) and while I couldn’t fathom uttering it out loud at the time, my gut was saying that I loved him, too.

And now we’re getting MARRIED!