HER VERSION:

I originally met John at the University of Missouri, where we were both students. John's fraternity, Lambda Chi Alpha, and my sorority, Kappa Delta, were paired together for Greek Week 2009. I don't remember much specifically about this original meeting, but I'm sure it was great! Additionally, John was best friends with Steve Oslica, who is the older brother of one of my best friends, Amy.

HIS VERSION:

"I don't remember much specifically about this original meeting, I'm sure it was great!" she says.

(Clearly this is not a "love at first sight" kind of story. Pssh.)

What Trip is also leaving out here is just how MEAN she was to us! Now, granted, she had been put in a position of authority and tasked with controlling a group of the dumbest people alive - frat boys so this wasn't necessarily undeserved, but... She. Was. Mean. I certainly remembered her (even if she didn't remember me). This pattern of behavior would continue.

HER VERSION:

Throughout college we would occasionally be in the same friend group, however never had any romantic interest in each other. We would continue to see each other occasionally after graduating as well, as I was living in St. Louis, where John was attending Law School.

HIS VERSION:

This tracks. Let's move on.

HER VERSION:

In April of 2018, the hit Broadway show Hamilton came to St. Louis. Amy put together a group of people to go see the show together, including both of us. The two us spent the night chatting, and generally enjoying each other's company. I thought we had a nice time and enjoyed catching up with him.

HIS VERSION:

Ok. A lot to unpack here...

First. "A group of people." Ok. The "group" was: Amy, her boyfriend (now husband) Jimmy, Trip, and yours truly. Now, I'm not saying this was a date. No one called it a date. But you'll forgive me for reading a little into this and wondering if there was anything going on behind the scenes...

Second. We DID have a nice time! Trip was smart and funny and classy and very pretty. And I was tall and wore a blazer. Also, Trip cried during "It's Quiet Up Town" which, admittedly, is super dorky, but also a thing you have to know about Trip is that she is a very cute crier and I was very smitten.

HER VERSION:

A week or two later, I opened up the Hinge app on my phone, and noticed a message from someone named John. It took me a minute to realize it was John Bowen! The two of us began to chat, both on Hinge and on Instagram, before migrating to texting. In early June, John asked me out to dinner...to which I said no. I regretted it and thought about following up with him shortly after, but never reached back out.

HIS VERSION:

So... The reason it took her a minute to realize that it was John Bowen (despite the prominence of my signature/easily identifiable ginger locks in my prof pic) is that she was living in St. Louis and I was living in Indianapolis. So, in order to match on Hinge I had to go into the app, change my geographic settings from Indy (where I live) to St. Louis (where I do not live), fine tune the age and geographic ranges, and then swipe through a number of uninterested (and geographically unavailable) St. Louis ladies to find Trip. I readily admit this was lunatic behavior, but those of you have braved the perils of dating apps can attest - it's bleak out there. Reader, I regret nothing. To quote Michael Scott, quoting Wayne Gretzky - "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

But as it turns out... Sometimes you miss the shots you DO take. "No," she said. Not "Sorry, I'm busy that night." Not "I wish I could but now's not the right time." Just "No." Do you have any idea how devastating that is to hear?! The pattern of meanness continued. [All that said, given my lunatic behavior (documented above) one might argue she made the right call here...] I committed myself to forgetting about Trip - clearly this was not meant to be.

In closing... "Shoot your shot." - Shea Serrano - Me

(But also always be prepared for a metaphorical Dikembe Mutombo to come out of nowhere to fingerwag you into oblivion.)

HER VERSION:

Fast forward to May of 2019: I always regretted saying no to going out with John, and decided to see what he was up to via some casual Instagram stalking. I noticed he had recently posted about the tv show Fleabag, and decided to slide into his DM's. The two of us began exchanging messages back and forth, and I looked forward to seeing John in person at the annual Alzheimer's Trivia Night I helped to organize each year. I was hopeful that he didn't totally hate my guts for rejecting him the year before.

HIS VERSION:

***FLEABAG SPOILER ALERT***

There's a scene in the final episode of Fleabag where the titular Fleabag bares her sole and confesses her love to Hot Priest. Hot Priest responds by saying "It'll pass." It is a beautiful and devastating moment and SO MUCH BETTER than just "No." Also. As it turns out for your boy here... It did NOT pass. Also also. Go watch Fleabag. It's on Amazon Prime. You can't come to our wedding if you haven't watched Fleabag. Thems the rules.

It's a testament to how bad Trip feels about breaking my poor, ginger heart that she's leaving out the substance of our IG DMs... After reconnecting over Fleabag she recommended that I watch Schitt's Creek which is a very lovely and very funny show about a bunch of Canadians who run a motel. I responded by recommending Trip watch Chernobyl which is a very not lovely and very not funny show about a bunch of Russians who survive the meltdown of a nuclear power plant. At one point I received an ALL CAPS Instagram DM berating me for recommending the show because ***CHERNOBYL SPOILER ALERT*** there's an entire episode of Chernobyl dedicated to Russian soldiers hunting down and killing all of the radioactive dogs around the power plant. I just recommended she watch Canicide. Me = Lunatic. (Maybe I was subconsciously punishing her for the "No?" Who's to say... Regardless. I was done. It was over for your boy. There's no coming back from dead puppies. OR IS THERE?!)

HER VERSION:

However, John's work prevented him from coming into town for the trivia night, something that made me sad. However, John was invited to our mutual friend Amy's surprise birthday party. I confessed to Amy and our friend Katlin that the two of us had been talking, and the two friends decided that they would do what needed to be done in order to make sure John and I connected for real this time.

HIS VERSION:

I did in fact have a work conflict that prevented me from coming to the Trivia night, I was also 100% ducking a fight. I hate to lose and Trip is much, much smarter than me. I was not about to take the Trivia "L" here. Also, I will confess that at this point, post "No" and dead puppies, I did not think there was anything romantic going on here. I was just a vehicle for her to raise more money for the Alzheimer's Association. I made a donation to her GoFundMe instead.

HER VERSION:

At Amy's surprise party, Amy cornered John to let him know "the doors isn't closed," with a slow wink that only someone deep into their 5th Lapu Lapu drink can pull off. John and I spent a good portion of the party talking, before exchanging an awkward side hug that was interrupted by a drunk Jim. I left for Europe the next day for two weeks with my family, committed to only posting instagram photos that made me look beautiful, effortless, and super fun. John fell into my trap, and we began texting the day I came back and have never stopped since.

HIS VERSION:

To this day, I do not know what is in a Lapu Lapu, but it must be STRONG because, while Amy was certainly the ringleader in making sure I was aware of certain doors remaining open she was FAR from the only person who lacked... subtlety... at this party. (It should also be noted that to this point I was unaware that Allison had shared my secret shame with a significant number of people I consider friends. Cool cool cool.) And *snaps* to all those beautiful, unsubtle idiots because we wouldn't be here today without them, (again, zero awareness of any romantic intentions here... Need I remind you: "No.") Anyway. I got the message. I went through the door.

HER VERSION:

John and I finally found ourselves in the same city on August 10, 2019, and went on our first date to Olive + Oak. We continued to talk and see each other when we could, officially cementing our relationship when one of my former students asked me directly "IS THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND" To which I awkwardly stammered a lot of nonsense, and John said, "I'm John." Later in the car, John confirmed that 1) I was a spaz; and 2) he was my boyfriend.

HIS VERSION:

Ever had to define the relationship in response to a question from a 16 year old boy you've never met before? Happened to me.

HER VERSION:

We continued to date long distance, and perhaps one of the only silver linings of the COVID-19 pandemic was that the two of us got to spend a lot more time together than we otherwise would have, especially during the Spring and Summer of 2020 when neither of us were working in person.

HIS VERSION:

"We found love in a hopeless place" - Rihanna - JB

OUR VERSION:

In June of 2021, we experienced two major milestones:

1) Allison and John went to Disney World together; and

2) John proposed in Allison's yiayia's garden on her birthday. It was the most perfect and magical proposal she ever could have imagined.

We are so excited to continue to plan for our life together and to celebrate with everybody in June 2022!