A Jewish wedding is full of meaningful rituals, symbolizing the beauty of the relationship between groom (chosson) and bride (kallah), as well as their obligations to each other and to the Jewish people.

At the same time, the wedding is much more than a ceremony or a symbolic ritual. It is a spiritual proccess which actually creates the soul connection between the bride and groom. Beneath the chuppah, there occurs a fusion of souls; two souls, which were separated before birth, joyfully reunite.

The wedding day is likened to a personal Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) for the bride and groom. Therefore, several customs of the wedding mirror that of Yom Kippur. For example, many have the custom that the bride and groom fast the day of their wedding just as they would on Yom Kippur.

The Order of Events:

Kabbalis Panim -- Reception

Bedeken -- Veiling

The Procession

The Chuppah

Yichud

Reception -- Wedding Meal

Kabbalis Panim & Tisch -- Reception

The Jewish wedding traditionally begins with a special "kabbalas panim" -- reception -- in honor of the bride and groom. Our sages tell us that on their wedding day, the bridegroom is like a king and the bride is like a queen. Special powers are granted to them from On High; they are made sovereign over their own lives and over their surroundings. All their previous sins and failings are forgiven, and they are empowered to chart a new future for themselves and bestow blessing and grace to their loved ones and friends. It is to honor their special status that we hold a reception for them, as for visiting royalty.

Two separate receptions are held (usually in adjacent rooms) one for the bride and another for the groom. By tradition, the bride and groom refrain from seeing each other for a full week prior to their wedding, so as to increase their love and yearning for each other, and their subsequent joy in each other at their wedding. They will meet again only at the bedeken (veiling ceremony) that follows the reception.

The bride sits on a distinctive, ornate throne-like chair. Her friends and family approach, wish Mazal Tov, and offer their heartfelt wishes and words of encouragement. At the groom's reception, songs are sung, and words of Torah are often delivered. Light refreshments and l'chaims are served at both receptions.

In many communities, this occasion is used to complete and sign two of the wedding documents: the tenai'm ("engagement" contract) and the kesubah (marriage contract). At the conclusion of the reading of the tena'im, the mothers of the bride and groom break a china or glass plate, to the joyous shouts of Mazal Tov!

Bedeken -- Veiling

After the kabbalas panim receptions comes the bedeken, the veiling ceremony. A procession headed by the groom goes to the bridal reception room, where the groom covers the bride's face with a veil.

The custom of covering the bride's face with a veil originated with our matriarch Rebecca, who covered her face when meeting her groom, Isaac.

The veil emphasizes that the groom is not solely interested in the bride's external beauty, which fades with time, but rather in her inner beauty which she will never lose. It also emphasizes the innate modesty that is a hallmark of the Jewish woman. The bride's face remains veiled for the duration of the chuppah ceremony, affording her privacy at this holy time.

After the groom veils the bride, the parents of the bride and groom approach the bride and bless her. The groom's entourage then retreats from the room. The bride and groom proceed with their chupah preparations and everyone else continues to the site of the chuppah, the marriage canopy.

Procession

Royalty are always escorted by an entourage; on the day when they are likened to king and queen, the bride and groom are accompanied to the chuppah by escorts, a married couple, that serve as their personal "honor guards," usually the couple's married parents. Some have the custom for all the grandparents of the bride and groom to join the entourage as well.

The escorts lock elbows with the bride and groom while leading them to the chuppah. All the escorts hold candles, symbolizing the fervent wish that the couple's life together be one of light and joy.

The groom is led to the chuppah first, where he awaits the arrival of his bride. Customarily, the band plays a slow moving melody while the bride and groom walk down the aisle.

Chuppah

The chuppah is a canopy which sits atop four poles and is usually ornately decorated. The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah, a first act of the couple building and sharing a home together.

The chuppah ceremony is traditionally characterized by an air of solemnity. Brides and grooms shedding copious tears is a common sight at traditional Jewish weddings. This is due to an acute awareness of the awe and magnitude of the moment.

It is customary in certain communities for the groom to wear a kittel, a long white frock, during the chupah. The pristine white kittel, traditionally worn on Yom Kippur, and the bride's white gown, are symbols of G-d's atonement and perfect purity. The man will someday be buried in his kittel, so it also serves as a reminder of mortality.

There is a custom that the chosson and kallah wear no jewelry under the chuppah. Their mutual commitment is based on who they are as people, not on any material possessions.

The chosson, followed by the kallah, are usually escorted to the chuppah by their respective sets of parents. Under the chuppah, the kallah circles the chosson seven times. Just as the world was built in seven days, the kallah is figuratively building the walls of the couple's new world together. With these circles the bride is creating an invisible wall around her husband; into which she will step -- to the exclusion of all others. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately (paralleing the seven days of creation, seven musical notes, seven continents, seven glands, seven years for the body to regenerate, etc.).

Once the bride and groom are standing side-by-side under the chuppah, the cantor welcomes them on behalf of all gathered by singing several Hebrew greeting hymns, which also includes a request for G-d's blessings for the new couple.

After all this preliminary activity, we are ready to begin the actual marriage ceremony.

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Kiddushin

According to Torah law, marriage is a two-step process. The first stage is called kiddushin, loosely translated as "betrothal," and the second step is known as nisu'in, the finalization of the nuptials. Both kiddushin and nisu'in are accomplished successively beneath the chuppah: the kiddushin is effected when the groom gives the bride the wedding band, and the nisu'in through "chuppah" -- the husband uniting with the wife under one roof for the sake of marriage.

Kiddushin means "sanctification" -- signifying the uniqueness of the Jewish marriage where G-d Himself dwells in the home and the relationship is elevated to a new level of holiness.

The mitzvah of marriage is performed over a cup of wine. The rabbi holds a cup of wine and recites the blessing over the wine and then the betrothal blessing, which thanks G-d for sanctifying us with the mitzvah of betrothal. The groom and bride are given to sip from the cup.

The groom then places the wedding band on the bride's finger. In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the chosson gives an object of value to the kallah. This is traditionally done with a ring. The ring should be plain, without blemishes or ornamentation—just as it is hoped that the marriage will be smooth and one of simple beauty. While putting the ring on her finger, the groom says: "With this ring, you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel." He then places the ring on the forefinger of his bride's right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central moment of the wedding ceremony, and the couple is now fully married at this point.

Kesubah

After the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, the kesubah, marriage contract, is read aloud. The kesubah shows that marriage is more than a physical and spiritual union; it is a legal and moral commitment as well. The kesubah details the husband's principal obligations to his wife to provide her with food, shelter, clothing and to be attentive to her emotional needs. Protecting the rights of a Jewish wife is so important that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been completed.

Reading the kesubah serves as a separation between the two phases of marriage – Kiddushin ("bethrothal") and Nissuin ("marriage"). After the kesubah is read, it is handed to the groom, who gives it to the bride.

Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachos)

We now proceed with the final stage of the marriage ceremony, the Nissuin, which is effected by the chuppah and the recitation of Sheva Brachos -- the "Seven Benedictions." It is customary to honor friends and relatives with the recitation of these blessings. The honorees approach and stand beneath the chuppah, where they are given a cup of wine which they hold while reciting the blessing.

The first blessing is the blessing on wine, and the remaining six are marriage-themed blessings, which include special blessings for the newlywed couple. The bride and groom once again sip from the wine in the cup. At this point the souls of the groom and the bride reunite to become one soul, as they were before they entered this world. Included in the Seven Benedictions is the blessing to the bride and groom that they discover that same delight in one another that they knew in their pristine, original state in the Garden of Eden.

A cup is then wrapped in a large cloth napkin, and placed beneath the foot of the groom. The groom stomps and shatters the glass. The shattering of the glass reminds us that even at the height of personal joy, we must, nevertheless, remember the destruction of Jerusalem, and yearn for our imminent return there. It is also a reminder that we are fragile like glass, but similarly can be re-melted and reblown anew. As the glass shatters, everyone traditionally shouts: "Mazal Tov!" These sounds resound through the couple's married life. When your husband "breaks something" during your life together; when your wife "breaks something" in the years to follow, you too should shout, "Mazal Tov!" and say: "Thank you G-d for giving me a real person in my life, not an angel; a mortal human being who is characterized by fluctuating moods, inconsistencies and flaws."

Yichud

Immediately after the chuppah, the bride and groom enter the yichud (seclusion) room, where they spend a few minutes alone for the first time.

Even while surrounded by family and friends, they must take a few moments to be there for each other. This is an important lesson for marriage -- the couple should never allow the hustle and bustle of life to completely engulf them; they must always find private time for each other.

Inside the room, the couple traditionally breaks their wedding day fast. It is also a time when the bride and groom customarily exchange gifts.

Reception -- Wedding Meal

Participating in a wedding feast and gladdening the hearts of the bride and groom on their special day is a great mitzvah. The Talmud relates that the greatest sages set aside their otherwise never-interrupted Torah study for the sake of entertaining a new couple with song and dance. When the bride and groom emerge from the yichud room to join their guests, they are ceremoniously greeted with music, singing and dancing. The men with the groom, and the women with the bride, traditionally dance in separate circles; a mechitzah (divider) is placed between the men's and women's dancing circles. The singing and dancing, typically accompanied by juggling acts and other forms of amateur acrobatics and stunts performed in front of the bride and groom, continue throughout the reception.

A hallmark of the traditional Jewish wedding is that everyone is encouraged to participate in the dancing and merrymaking. Every Jew is seen as a part of the larger Jewish body, which includes every Jewish soul throughout the generations. A Jewish marriage, which creates a link between all the past generations and all the future generations, is therefore regarded as much more that a private milestone for the couple and their families; it is a historic and momentous event for the community at large.

After the first dance, the bride and groom take their seat at the head table. Traditionally, the groom recites the hamotzie blessing on an oversized challah which is then sliced and shared with the crowd. After the meal, Birkas Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, and the Sheva Brachos are repeated. During the week following the wedding, it is customary for friends and relatives to host festive meals in honor of the chosson and kallah. This is called the week of Sheva Brachos, because of the blessings said at the conclusion of each of these festive meals

Registry

We can't wait to get married! If you would like to help us start our new life together, we have registered for items we would love to have in our new home.