Mazal Tov!

Marriage carries two people down a path of love, intimacy, humility and oneness. It is a sacred bond and a reciprocal fulfillment.

Looking through our millennia-old Torah lens, marriage creates a fundamental change for these two individuals. Something cosmic. It is a fusion of two souls into one.

And so it was from the very first marriage recorded in the Torah. The bride and groom were Adam and Eve and they had just been created that day. Adam was created first. Adam was a complete human being, perfect, and totally self-sufficient, with the strengths and attributes of both femininity and masculinity.

G-d then said, “From this state of oneness, I will now separate Adam into two. It’s not good for a human being to be so self-sufficient; such overwhelming self-reliance can very easily lead to self-centeredness. Human beings should need each other and be sustained by each other. I will take a side of Adam and form Eve.”

And so, from one, came two.

But G-d was not finished. He had two fully-formed individuals who were, inherently, two halves of one whole. They needed each other to achieve true wholeness. They were to be reunited in a wedding.

G-d took two, and re-made one.

As Adam and Eve stood beside each other, they were taught a very important lesson. “You are each an individual; at the same time, you are a unit. Together, you complete yourself and each other.

Adam and Eve are the prototype of us all. Our mystics teach that, prior to conception and birth, spouse’s souls are bound to one another; they are ‘soul mates’. With their respective births, the two are split and invested into different bodies. When we find our “destined one” (bashert), the souls can fuse back together and become a single entity again through marriage.

Shidduch (Match)

For Mussi and Berel, the process of finding their “bashert” (destined one) was through family friends who knew them both, felt that they were compatible and suggested that they meet.

Mussi and Berel got to know each other, and eventually felt ready to join in marriage. They shared values, interests, goals, and they had good “chemistry”; they wanted to start a life together.

Preparation for Marriage

During their engagement period, the bride and groom obviously put a lot of time and energy into wedding plans – the hall, invitations, the flowers, the gown, etc. But there is another vital element to their preparations. They will invest themselves in the spiritual foundation of their new life together. They study intensely, reading texts that explore the dynamics of marriage. They digest the Torah laws of marital intimacy, a framework that helps keep their marriage fresh for the decades to come G-d willing, and transforms sensual pleasure into a conduit for soul-bonding.

The celebrations begin on the Shabbos preceding the wedding day. Mussi's friends and family will gather together at a Shabbos Kallah (the Bride’s Shabbat), enveloping her with rejoicing and friendship. Berel will be called to the Torah (an Aliya), signaling his acknowledgment that the Torah will be the source of inspiration and guidance in their married life. The congregation will shower him with candies, symbolic of their wishes for a sweet and fruitful marriage. This is traditionally known as an aufruf (Yiddish for ‘called up to the Torah’).

The Wedding Day

The wedding day is like a personal Yom Kippur for the bride and the groom. They pray that their new life together will evolve from a pure and fresh beginning. The bride’s white gown and the white kittel (robe) worn by the groom under the chuppah, symbolize this purity and spiritual cleanliness.

The wedding opens with a Kabalat Panim reception, “Greeting the Bride and Groom”, where relatives and friends offer heartfelt wishes. In accordance with Chassidic tradition, during the dinner and dancing, the men will be seated and celebrate with the groom and the women with the bride.

The following takes place during the reception: The ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract, is written and signed by two witnesses; the kesubah will be read aloud at the chuppah ceremony.

The text of the ketubah was conceived millennia ago, with the primary purpose of protecting the finances and emotional wellbeing of a married woman. In ancient times, if something happened to a marriage (specifically divorce or death of the husband), the husband or his family could simply absorb the entire estate, leaving the wife, and possibly children, with nothing. Such practices contradict the Torah’s sense of righteousness; the ketubah – revolutionary at the time – protects against such conduct.

Then, Mussi and Berel's mothers will jointly break a plate, signifying that the marriage should be as irreversible as the shattering of the dish.

Upon the completion of the signing of the documents, the bride and groom are then ready to emotionally prepare themselves for the chuppah ceremony. The music shifts from lively and upbeat, to a slow, intense Chassidic melody in preparation for a ma’amar (a Chassidic discourse) which Berel will now recite. This discourse, recited in Yiddish, begins with the words, L’cha Dodi (“Come, my beloved,”) and discusses the beauty of the husband/wife relationship and the spiritual significance of a wedding.

The groom will then be escorted to the bride for the badeken, the traditional veiling the bride’s face. Reflecting the holiness of the moment, he will be accompanied by the singing of a solemn niggun (Chassidic melody) which contains musical allusions to higher spiritual realms.

The mood is one of awe. The groom covers the bride's face. The veil will be opaque; the bride can neither see nor be seen, providing her with complete privacy at this very intimate moment in her life. By covering the bride’s face, the groom is making a statement: “As beautiful as you are, my love for you is not skin-deep. It is values-deep. It is your true beauty—your persona, your character, your views on life—that has captured my heart.”

Under her veil, the bride will be praying – for her relationship, for her future home and for her personal growth. She will also be praying for our community and friends. (Mussi and Berel would be honored to include any names that you would like to send to them.)

The ceremony takes place under the open sky, under a Chuppah (literally meaning ‘canopy’). The Chuppah has no walls and is open on all sides. This points to a conceptual picture of the couple’s future home: a home of openness of heart and spirit. The Chuppah’s construction – a tapestry spread over four poles – is basic: What makes a home happy is not its sturdy walls, nor the exquisite decorations, but the mindset that fills it. Better a simple home full of love and commitment than a glamorous mansion without it.

Spiritually, the chuppah also represents the Divine presence, the heavenly energy that is hovering above the couple at this special moment of union. Thus, Mussi and Berel's ceremony will be outdoors, with the chuppah directly under the open sky, bringing heaven down to earth, as they elevate themselves to greater heights.

Under the Chuppah, the groom, wearing a white kittel (traditional robe), awaits his bride. He will have been escorted by his father and father-in-law who have each been carrying a candle, symbolizing the hope that their new home be filled with light.

Then, the bride, accompanied by her mother and the mother of her groom (also each holding a candle), enters the chuppah‘s embrace. They proceed to encircle the groom seven times. With each circle, the bride builds a protective, psycho-spiritual ‘wall’ around her future husband and household. Each circle strengthens the protection with an additional layer.

The number seven – reflecting a complete unit of time, a full week – represents the full spectrum of rhythms, twists and turns that life brings. By encircling her groom seven times, the bride is expressing her commitment to him and to their relationship under any and all circumstances.

In a circle there is no beginning and no end, reflecting the couple’s eternal commitment to each other and to G-d. Additionally, a circle's sides are all equidistant from its center, symbolizing perfect harmony.

Jewish tradition teaches that the souls of a bride’s and groom’s ancestors are present with them under the chuppah. In that vein, we will invite the Lubavitcher Rebbe of blessed memory to Mussi and Berel's chuppah by reading the traditional letter of greeting that the Rebbe would send to brides and grooms.

The groom then gives the bride something of material value, a gold ring, which gives him the opportunity to metaphorically encircle her, just as she did at the opening of the chuppah. Berel will place the ring on Mussi's right index finger – the right side represents love, generosity and kindness – and says: “Harei At Mekudeshes Li B'taba'as Zo Kedas Moshe V'Yisrael - Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.”

The ring is a simple gold band, with no engravings or adornments. The simplicity symbolizes an unspoken prayer: “Just as the ring is simple, so too, may our marriage be one of simple beauty, free from complications, strife or conflict.”

Then the Ketubah is read aloud. Berel will hand the marriage contract to Mussi who will hold it in her possession for posterity. Thus begins the second part of the chuppah ceremony.

Over another cup of wine, seven blessings, Sheva Brachot, are recited. The blessings, recited by honored guests, are marriage-themed and include short prayers for a newlywed couple. The final blessing petitions G-d to grant the couple joy, happiness, cheer, love, harmony, peace, and companionship in their lives together.

Right before they celebrate with each other, and with their guests, the groom breaks a glass under his foot. This tradition was enacted two millennia ago, after the destruction of the Holy Temple and the Jewish Commonwealth; the shattered glass represents the suffering that occurred then and the suffering that still occurs today. While the couple is in a state of complete happiness, we as a people, as a world, are not in such a state. Even in our joy we must never lose sight that it is our responsibility to create a world where all can rejoice.

After the glass is broken, there are shouts of “Mazal Tov!” and celebratory music begins. The bride and groom – now husband and wife – are escorted from their Chuppah, amid singing and dancing, to a private room where they spend their first moments of married life alone together. Yichud is a time for them to connect in private, before they join everyone at the reception.

As with most Jewish celebrations and life cycle events, a feast honors the occasion. At this Seudat Mitzvah meal, all of the guests participate in the mitzvah of rejoicing with the bride and groom.

One might notice that, for the first course, the bride and groom are nowhere to be seen! Since this is their first opportunity to take photographs as husband and wife, their entrance into the ballroom is somewhat delayed. Guest, please take this time to enjoy the first course and to socialize. Because soon, when they enter, energetic dancing will overtake the room! The guests surround the bride and the groom with spirited dancing. The communal celebration vividly expresses the collective support they will have in their new life together.

The meal is culminated, of course, with the Grace After Meals, which includes the addition of the Seven Blessings that were recited under the Chuppah.

After the Wedding

Jewish custom has the couple begin the first week of their new life together in the embrace of their families and community. For the week following the wedding, it is customary for friends or relatives host festive meals each day in the new couple’s honor. These festive meal, which includes the recitation of the Seven Blessings as part of the Grace After Meals, is referred to as “Sheva Brachos”.

Thank you so much for being part of our lives and our wedding!

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