I don't remember saying you should. I guess one advantage is it's way easier to finish partying with us and take an elevator to your room. If you stay somewhere else, you'll need to get an Uber or taxi, which is not a big deal because Providence is small. You can also rent a car and not drink? Ever heard of it?

Not especially! But poke around here and we'll give you some suggestions of what to do with your time.

We wanted to give you all time to get into town and get settled.

Yeah, pretty much. Don't disrespect our mothers with your slovenly bullshit because, like, this is a real wedding with real mothers who cry real tears. But, you know... nobody's gonna care if you don't wear heels or have white laces in your shoes. If you wear a cowboy hat or a jersey I will light it on fire.

Well, we're, like, very old to be getting married. We have all the stuff we need. Plus you're coming from so far away! That's pretty much the only gift we even really want. Seriously! We will also have a box with a slot cut into it for gifts, if you insist. Thanks for asking!

100%

Yes, absolutely.

You're not paying attention.

Parents always fall for that shit get a sitter.