So, Elaine has appointed me to write this section of our website where I am to give detail on "Our Story". What follows is, to the utmost of my recollection, without a doubt, an accurate retelling.

Long ago, in the year MMXIX, a young woman named Elaine embarked on a quest to find true love. That quest failed horribly and, instead, found me.

Meanwhile, across the town of Morganhole, there lived a man named Mark, which is me for those reading that have no business being here. If you didn't know who the author was already, I'd like to know how you even got here. Anyway, Mark, whose safety skills were the stuff of legends... among his friends, was also on a quest of his own... to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them was his real test, to train them was his cause.... Wait, no, that was someone else's quest entirely. But I can't remember what I was doing back then other than tripping over my own feet and getting tangled in ropes when I used them.

Uhhh, stupid transition.

As fate would have it, Elaine and Mark's paths collided one unremarkable day while at a climbing team practice. Elaine was scaling the wall with ease, her laughter echoing through the gym as she effortlessly navigated the handholds. Mark, on the other hand, was probably twenty hours in, attempting to conquer his fear, climbing a clear tape route set by himself. He did this by clinging to the wall like a frightened squirrel, his face a portrait of terror. Elaine got done with her casual warm-up, a 5.16a, and happened to catch a glimpse of Mark, at that moment, Elaine's heart skipped a beat. She couldn't help but snort with laughter at Mark's panicked expression as he clung to the wall for dear life, his feet flailing in the air. This might make you think he was quite high up, but in reality, he was only four feet off the ground. He's short though, so without perspective, it did look quite high to Elaine.

HwaaaBaaaam!

Mark slipped, closed his eyes one last time, and... "Didn't die? How can this be?" Mark thought as he opened his eyes. Staring at him was Elaine, who to him looked like an angel, thus causing him to pee a little, still not sure if he was alive.

"I've caught you. You're safe now," Elaine beamed.

Embarrassed but undeterred, Mark managed to compose himself, "Um, hi there. Do you come to climbing practice often?" he stammered, his cheeks flushing bright red. Some, dare I say, remember his cheeks being even redder than Josh's.

Elaine couldn't contain her amusement any longer. "Actually, this is my first time here," she replied between giggles. "But I have a feeling it won't be my last, especially if it means getting to witness your acrobatic prowess."

And so, amidst the clang of carabiners, causing innumerable microfractures, and the rustle of chalk breathed in, Elaine and Mark bonded over their shared misadventures in climbing. From that day forward, they became inseparable, (not counting the two times they broke up before Mark got his act together and realized that Elaine was the one, or the fact that half the time they were dating and engaged was done long distance.)

As they left the climbing gym hand in hand, Elaine couldn't help but think that sometimes, love really does come from taking a leap of faith – even if that leap involves lunging quickly to catch a fool of a Took. As for Mark, he couldn't imagine a more perfect partner than someone who could appreciate his knack for turning a sentimental and personal story into a comedy routine.

Fast forward to the present day, skipping any of what the "Our Story" section is supposed to contain, Elaine and Mark spend their free time going on adventures together. And I don't mean that stereotypical "I'm adventurous" statement people put in their dating app bios to replace the need for a personality. I mean getting stained in the mud and pinballing off trees while downhill mountain biking, getting fully yoked several hundred feet up a cliff face as you question your failing grip and whether or not to clip the bolt or skip it and try and clip the next one, or getting absolutely thrashed from the rapids in the whitewater as you count how long it'll be this time before you resurface.

All in all, praise the Lord, Jesus Christ, for putting Elaine into my life, and mine in hers. I can't wait for where "Our Story" takes us next.

Hopefully to Taco Bell, cause I'm getting hungry as I finish typing this story.

Registry