Early Days

I tried Plenty of Fish to make friends and maybe date, but I was promptly bombarded with gross messages about my weight, disability, etc. I wanted to quit using it, but decided to give it one more week. On the final day of that week, a guy with kind eyes and a ginger beard messaged me to tell me “You have a beautiful smile.” I found his earnestness so refreshing after all the unpleasant messages I had received. We talked nonstop for weeks!

I learned he was new in town and I was excited to show him the city I’ve lived in my entire life. He asked me out on July 14, 2018. We saw Ant-Man and Wasp and got dinner at Copeland’s. Dad was nervous about me going on a date with someone I’d never met in person, so Philip offered a nontraditional first date option: double-dating with my parents. I quickly vetoed this idea, but thought it was a sweet offer. We decided on a compromise. Dad would drop me off at the movie, pick me up after, and drive me to the restaurant to check in with me and be sure I felt safe. Philip watched Dad put together my wheelchair and knew how to do it himself by our second date. This was one of many ways I knew I had found someone special!

We started going on dates every weekend. One of them fell on the day of my nephew, Remy’s, birthday party, so I was going to have to cancel or reschedule. To my surprise, he told me that sounds fun, and he’d love to join us. I found out later he had to work a night shift afterward and would need to stay up 24+ hours. It didn’t occur to me until years later (read: when my friend gently pointed it out) that he wasn’t at the party or choosing to stay up that long because he loves kids or wanted to try out the bouncy houses or whatever. He was there because he liked me. A lot.

August 25, 2018: Jane speaks up (and is glad she did)

On August 25, 2018, we went on our fourth date. At this point, I knew I really liked Philip, and I was pretty sure he liked me too. I summoned all my courage and asked him where things were going between us. We both decided we wanted to be together. I had my first (and last) boyfriend!

In Sickness and In Health (AKA, Philip Doesn’t Scare Easily)

I got extremely sick during one of our dates in October of 2018, blaming it on food poisoning. That was incorrect. It turned out I needed gallbladder surgery, and fast. Philip surprised me by staying at my side in the hospital the entire time. I was blown away by his kindness and support. Philip and I once had a long conversation about spina bifida and its effects on me. He told me none of it scared him and we would face it together. He even said that if I lost the ability to walk, he would “carry me everywhere.”

Holiday Season 2018

I accidentally let it slip that I love him. I made him a cake with powdered sugar heart decorations and then, without thinking, mentioned that I considered putting “I <3 U” on the cake but that I didn’t have the patience to make the stencils for that. It didn’t hit me until later what I had said.

Soon after, Philip said “I love you.” I was totally cool about it and definitely didn’t say “I love you” every five minutes after that because I was so happy to finally be able to say it out loud. Definitely not. Philip knelt next to me for a picture on Christmas Eve, and I thought “he’s about to propose!” I realized that I already knew I would say yes if and when he proposed.

The Pandemic Changes Things

Things have been going super smoothly in our relationship. Suddenly, a pandemic! I was 2/3 of the way finished with my art therapy graduate degree at this point and a giant ball of nerves and stress. Philip helps me keep my head above water. One day, Philip tells me he’s looking for a new apartment and that he hopes the next one he looks for will be our apartment after I graduate. I thought it was so sweet that he was discussing it with me in advance and giving us time to plan.

Philip also surprised me one day when we were hanging out by sending me pictures of engagement ring options to get an idea of what I like. I was once again totally composed and cool and definitely didn’t cry happy tears as I got 40+ text notifications with beautiful engagement rings while sitting right next to him.

For a variety of reasons, Philip realized he needed a career change. He traveled to Mississippi for 6 weeks for CDL training. He spent a year as a long-haul trucker, coming home for about a week each month. We made it work, but it was hard on us. We missed each other terribly. As soon as his contract as a long-haul trucker was over, he got a local job so that he could come home every night. We quickly became an old married couple and enjoyed most evenings watching tv and cooking dinner together. Life was beautiful!

Mystery Illness 2023

In early 2023, I had a couple of bad falls and injured my shoulder. The injury was on the same side as my shunt, a medical implant that prevents me from developing hydrocephalus. In February of 2023, I went to the doctor thinking my shunt was broken. She told me it was just my shoulder causing me pain. Over the next several months, I developed increasingly bizarre symptoms that baffled my doctors, including extreme chronic pain, fatigue, slurred speech, memory issues, muscle weakness, and stiffness in my arms and legs. He was my rock as I navigated these health changes. I tried to fathom what my life would be like now that I was seemingly so fragile and unhealthy and worried about the burden that would place on Philip. I got so sick that I wasn’t sure I was going to survive. I only told this to Philip at the time.

Eventually, in November of 2023, my doctor realized that I was right all along. My shunt had stopped functioning altogether, and I needed emergency brain surgery. Literally overnight, the bizarre symptoms that had accumulated over the past year went away. I finally had my life back, just in time for something wonderful to happen…

Christmastime 2023: “Yes, by the way!”

In mid-December, I had to sign for a package while working from home at my art therapy externship. The company name seemed familiar, but I didn’t know why. A quick Google search revealed it was from a jewelry company that I had been seeing ads for on Pinterest for a little while. It dawned on me that this package could be my engagement ring. I got so excited that I blabbed to coworkers, friends, family, anyone who would listen, really. After I finished my work for the day, I told Philip about the package and where I put it. I went into another room briefly. When I came back into the living room, the package was gone, and my interest was even more piqued.

I got sick for a couple of weeks around Christmastime, causing me to miss various holiday celebrations. Missing out on my favorite time of year made me really sad. I felt better on Christmas Eve, but still very tired. Everything went wrong as I tried to get ready for Mass. My voice still sounded funny from being sick, my eyeliner got messed up and I had to redo my makeup completely, my dress fit differently than it did when I first tried it on, and I was now in A Mood™. For the first time in my life, I considered skipping Christmas Mass and the annual family party that follows it. Philip swooped in, in his gentle, caring way, comforted me, and helped me gather my things to leave for church. We were about to leave when he said, “Wait, before we go, just one more thing.” I turned around and he was kneeling there, holding a jewelry box with a ring that I remembered from those Pinterest ads. I started crying again, and then suddenly realized I hadn’t actually said anything. “Yes, by the way!” is what I eventually managed to get out.

How the Full Moon Became “Our Thing”

As we were heading out from our date on August 25, 2018, I noticed how pretty the full moon was, and pointed it out to him. I wouldn’t even have remembered saying it except…

My first Christmas gift from Philip was a necklace with the full moon on it, exactly as it looked that night at that location. To this day, I never take it off.

At some point, we started saying “Love you to the moon and back” and replying “always and forever” at the end of our dates and text exchanges. Philip bought me a beautiful plaque with the full moon and our phrase on it. It hangs above my work desk so I can see it every day. When we picked our first dance song, “Joy of My Life,” we were surprised to find out that the album name references the blue moon (a type of full moon), there is an image of a full moon on the cover art, and it even features our favorite colors, blue and yellow. The original artist, John Fogerty, was one of my favorites from childhood, too! Until that moment, it was just a pretty song that Philip heard on Pandora one day that made him think of me.

We are so excited to see where this next chapter takes us!

Wedding Day

Reception