It all began my freshman year at Colorado Christian University and Katie Horan’s senior year of high school. It was Christmas break and I was back in town and I was just scrolling through the ol Instagram when this cute girl popped up on the explore page. I hit her with a follow and the rest is history.

Just kidding…

I’m just slaving away stocking produce at Hy-Vee because I had to pick up some hours so that I could pay for school. In walks Katie and Jill... she says I stared at her but trust me I just looked real quick and then got nervous and looked away. So I go into the back to avoid her in case she comes by (cause she didn’t follow me back on Instagram). SO I CHECK MY PHONE AND BOOM SHE HITS ME WITH A FOLLOW. So I’m on cloud nine. I’m like heck yeah she thought the kid was cute. So I did what any guy would do. Slip and slide right into the DM’s. I’m like hey girl I don’t really do this and you’re really cute so can I get your number. AND THAT WAS TRUE! IVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE (besides some random celebrity). It was New Year’s Eve and she was having a party. She sent back a picture and it was her and my childhood best friend, Lincoln Blake Chamberlin. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple years because we went to different high schools. Well Blake and I started texting and decided to hang out. Fun fact: Katie doesn’t remember the first time we met. I was hanging with Blake at the YMCA and Katie and her friend just happened to be there. Crazy! So we decided to grab dinner at Noodles & Company. And boy did that night change my life!!! I remember two things about that night. First, Katie forgot her wallet but I didn’t want to say anything because I knew it wasn’t a date… okay the real reason is I had $8 in my account and I was afraid my card was going to decline. Second and way more important, GOOD GRAVY I JUST DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN! I was gone, I was lost, I was starstruck, and there was no turning back. Never in my life had I met someone who all together loved God, was too cool for school, wise beyond her years, funny as all get out, as happy as could be, AND HAD THAT SMILE! We sat in that booth and talked for four hours. From that moment on I never had to debate if I wanted to date her or not. It was just automatic. If I am being completely honest - that night is all the information I needed to know about her. I don’t know how to explain it but it felt like she just knew me from the get go. I went home that night and I said, “Mom I met my wife tonight. You better remember the name Katie Horan because you are going to get used to hearing it.”

Fast forward…. I went back to college and Katie didn’t want to date me.

Then I left Colorado Christian and came back to Lincoln and attended UNL. Blake, Katie, myself, and our amazing friend Allison all started hanging out together all the time. We did everything together whether it was playing pool or staying up till 5 am watching Lord of the Rings. One day we were signing up for classes and I found out that Katie was in a class I needed to take the next semester. So I dropped one I was already in and joined the one she was in and just told her, “No way, I am in that class too.” So yes, I still “really liked” Katie. You know, with Katie, there was always this tension. We were friends but there’s something in the air and we both knew each other knew it. At the same time, it was kinda fun. We just were both so intrigued by the other person. Well that’s what she would say, I just say I was in love with her from the beginning! We had a lot of fun together and she was so easy to talk to, and I just liked being with her. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I was convinced she was my wife… then I asked her out a couple weeks later, she responded and said she had to talk to the big man upstairs. I loved that. Then she said no. Somehow we were still friends. Then one day after class we walked to the capital and she held my hand. I was super confused because she said no to a date with me but she held my hand and I still liked her…and she held my hand? Anyways… we didn’t date and after freshman year I didn’t really see her for two years until our senior year of college.

My best friend Blake broke his collarbone and I am pretty sure when he was high on some drugs he invited the gang over to watch the Lord of the Rings (shout out Samwise Gamgee the goat) and in comes Katie Horan… the moment I saw her all of my feelings that I had before rushed back and I was like yeah I have to date her. No question about it. We all started hanging out again and it was awesome. I tried so hard to not like her, like so so so hard, but I couldn’t do it. One night I invited the gang over to watch a movie and make Chicken Alfredo. After the night ended I asked them if they wanted to go to Old Chicago. Allison and Blake both said no but Katie wanted to but it was kind of awkward because I felt like I couldn’t just ask her. So everyone went home. I was sitting at home alone and all I wanted to do was see her. I texted her and asked if she wanted to come and to my surprise she said yes. I picked her up and we stayed out way too late but it was amazing. Oh and yes that night I did tell her I wasn’t interested in anyone but I had to play it cool you know? We kept being friends and kept hanging out. Then one day after candlelight yoga and some random dance workout class, we talked about us. I told her something like: “I will always like you and if I am single I am ready to date you.” To be honest, I don’t remember too much of that conversation or the weeks ahead. I remember that we were going to talk more about us but Katie called me and said she couldn’t meet. Some time went by and you know you just have that feeling. I like her and she likes me. I was at work one day and Katie called me. She told me she just got the job at The Hope Venture. I was so excited for her! We celebrated on the phone and then hung up. Then I sat there just so thrilled. Thrilled that she got the job but even more thrilled that I was her first call. Then it hit me - she really likes me… she has never done that before.... wait did she just call me to tell me that… yes she did… oh my gosh does she like me? More time went on with us being friends. I think she called me finally and said we should talk (because she had previously cancelled). I started panicking!! I thought she was going to tell me, “So hey I talked to the big man upstairs and I don’t think this is something I can do right now.” It was really awkward, I remember that. I felt like the ball was in her court but that was just me being a dummy. I finally just said look I like you and I want to get to know you more. Then Kate says, “Whatchu mean boo you already know me?” Then I thought about it… she says, “So if someone comes up to you and asks you what Katie is to you what are you going to say.” I was like, “Shoot you my girlfriend, we datin, we boyfriend and girlfriend.” I also remember explicitly saying, “You cute, I’m cute, let’s get it poppin.”

ANYWAYS! WE WERE DATING!

AND IT SUCKKKKEEEED! I MEAN JUST BAD!

I was such a dummy… like looking back on it the Lord gave me so much grace! The fact that Katie had the patience and desire to stick around was just beyond me. I was just trying to play it cool but I also was just terrified of messing up. I was terrified of losing her. I forgot to just be her friend. Katie met me at the mill one night to study. It was like two weeks after dating. She says, “Maybe we should just go back to being friends.” Fellas, yall know. I died for about 10 seconds. So, I said, “Grab your things, we are going to go somewhere.” I don’t really know what happened that night but something just clicked inside my head. I don’t remember what I said to her but all I remember was we went downtown and I grabbed her hand, I told her how much I liked her and wanted to be with her and that I was just scared. We were both smiling and finally having fun. We were dating a couple months and I think we would both agree that things were good but not amazing. We had ups and we had downs. I don’t know how to describe it. Like I have always been just absolutely in love with her but I just had so much to learn about myself and her. I think I was still really timid and afraid. My insecurities and fears were never about her. The whole time we have been together I have been amazed that I am dating her. It is such a privilege and such a gift.

A lot changed when we took a road trip to North Carolina to see the Tarheels play in Chapel Hill. That is the best trip I have taken to date. Actually, the first day she told me she almost broke up with me a week ago and I was like I’m sorry, what! We gotta turn this bus around. We talked it through and kept going, lol. The next day I told her that I loved her lol. I am dead thinking about how this progressed. The next day she told me she loved me! So many ups and downs!! However, it was such an important trip because we both realized we loved being with the other person probably more than any other person (I don’t know if Katie would actually admit that out loud though). I mean we drove 24 hours down and 24 hours back and I still wanted to spend time with her. We got to experience so much together and we were completely in the same mind frame of having fun. It was good for me because I was able to finally share how I really felt about her and then for her to say the same thing to me was even better!

You know, having to reflect on the story of how I fell in love Katie Horan is honestly a little tricky. A part of me always knew I loved her. The moment we sat down in the booth at Noodles & Company it was an instant, wow God went to work on this woman. I had never had those feelings before. I was completely enthralled with the person that she was. Katie on the outside is by a landslide the most beautiful woman I have ever and will ever lay eyes on. But, she just has this inexpressible glow about her. The first time my mom met her she said, “Katie has the most beautiful soul. She is just the most beautiful person.” That’s just it. Her heart, the way she carries herself, the way she treats people, her humility, just baffles me. It’s just… one of God’s most amazing creations. You know, I never ever have to explain to people why I am marrying her. Without fail, it’s like Andrew how did you get so lucky? The only, truly the only thing I can say is that it’s the grace of God. Marrying Katie and the hopes of starting a family with her is the greatest earthly gift I have received. The fact that God chose me to lead her and our future family is so humbling. That in itself just makes me appreciate the love of God even more. If I love Katie this much and I look at her this way I can’t imagine how the Creator of the universe views her. That is true love.

THE LEAD UP

Hmm where to begin. If you ask Andrew he would probably say on an instagram explore page his Freshman year of college but if you would have asked 7th grade Katie if she knew Andrew Smith she would immediately say “YES” and probably “Ew”. Little ole Katie knew of Andrew Smith because one of her childhood friends had a crush on him when they were in middle school and attended the same youth group. This story came to a sad end when Katie’s pal was heartbroken after witnessing Andrew hold ANOTHER GIRLS HAND during the worship service (the audacity). This marred Katie’s view of Andrew but it did make him an unforgettable name.

HYVEE...A FATEFUL MEETING

Fast forward to Katie’s senior year of high school. While the middle school boy drama was well over, Katie was still single as a pringle. Every year I had a New Years Eve party and my mom would always let us go to the grocery store to get snacks. So, as we walk into the local hyvee and take a gander at the grand splendor I lock eyes with a boy I knew too well for not knowing at all...and you guessed it...my boy Andrew Smith. But here's the thing...THE MAN WOULD NOT LOOK AWAY. I mean it felt like an eternity. With a couple quick glances back I had confirmed what I thought...he was staring and wasn’t going to look away any time soon. I did the only sensible thing a girl could do in that situation. I grabbed my mom’s arm and yanked her into an aisle where we were out of site. She looked very confused so I told her “that boy was staring at me in the fruit section.” And of course she had to go embarrass me and look before we proceeded shopping. This little run in shouldn’t have been a big deal but there were things before this that made the situation all the more juicy.

Precursor: I had received a friend request on instagram about a week before this and immediately texted my best friend Kailee saying “Look who followed me...it’s that Andrew Smith guy...ya know…[MY UNNAMED MIDDLE SCHOOL FRIEND’S] ANDREW” and we both cackled but I forgot about it and never confirmed nor denied it.

We continued to shop but I was distracted for the rest of the time because, well, I couldn’t stop thinking about him staring. He seemed mysterious - I kinda liked that. And he seemed cuter than I remembered - also liked that. But NO. I could never do that to my middle school friend. Once we gathered all the goods we went to check out and on our way out the door I couldn’t help myself. I took one last look back at the fruit section as the automatic door closed and little did I realize I made eye contact with my future husband.

THE MESSAGE

The time had come for my infamous New Years Eve party and every year my friend Blake came early. As I got all the food ready right before Blake came I noticed an instagram notification...AND YOU WILL NEVER GUESS. IT WAS THAT ANDREW SMITH GUY. My jaw dropped and an instant smirk came to my face. (I mean, yes I did accept his request after I saw him at the grocery store...can ya blame me? He had the mysterious factor...the least a girl could do for him is accept a follow request). I never thought that he would actually do anything about it. I freaked. Wondering what he had said but not wanting to open it right away I waited a cool 10 minutes as any normal person would before opening. I looked at the screen and read “Hey, so I know this is weird and I promise I never do this but I just think you’re really pretty.” I died. In laughter but also in flattery. My immediate thought was “I’m sure you never do this” but also I was in awe that someone who just saw me would be so kind. And then my friend Blake walked in. I hadn’t decided what I was going to do with the message - to respond or not to respond, so I just waited. I tried having fun and chatting until everyone else showed up but it was eating at me so I finally caved and asked Blake for some advice. After I explained the situation I looked up and saw Blake’s jaw was nearly to the ground. He tells me that Andrew Smith was actually his childhood best friend for many years and I’m like “why is this dude connected to every freaking person I know.” Blake then tells me that we need to respond to Andrew with a picture of us two so I send it back with both of us saying thank you and that someone wanted to say hi. Now this got the ball rolling. I learned that Andrew was actually a Freshman at CCU (and I swooned a bit because *college boy*) but that he was just back for the break and picked up a couple of shifts at Hyvee. He also said he’d love to hang out sometime but little did he know he was talking to a girl with zero dating experience that would NEVER do something like that. I deflected and thought that was that.

YMCA & NOODLES ANYONE?

New years eve was over and Kailee and I decided to shoot some hoops and play volleyball at the Y. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiig sports girls. We’re in the gym messing around when you know who walks in...Andrew Smith with my pal Blake!! The odds are just astronomical. Now I’m a little embarrassed because Andrew and I's messaging fizzled out but they came up and talked to us and said how we all should grab dinner together. I decided this was safe considering my pal Blake would be there so there was no chance for any weird interactions. A couple days later the three of us met up at Noodles & Co on O Street. And it was a blur. We sat in a booth and talked for over 4 HOURS. It was so long that we got free rice krispy treats because they were cleaning out and shutting the place down. We walked out to our cars, Blake & Andrew in one and I in another and said goodbye. As I drove away I just couldn’t help myself - I was giddy. Smiling ear to ear. Like how had I never met this guy?! He was so cool and suave and yet loved God. As I drove down a back street I let myself think an unthinkable thought...maybe I just met my husband. I quickly shook that thought out of my brain and just decided to wait and see if he would text me.

RECON

My mind was buzzing. For days I couldn’t stop thinking about this Andrew Smith boy. How he was someone I knew but never actually knew? How he was so great and yet so not what I was expecting? I didn’t really hear from him. I think he may have texted me but it was casual and I was dying to know what he thought of that Noodles and Co night and if he thought it was as magical as I did. I tried to play it cool. Just live life and see what happens but then I was hanging out with Blake a few days later and I finally cracked. Now I NEVER asked about boys or frankly talked about boys with Blake like this. It was a shot to my pride but I had to know. So, as I sat there I finally mustered up the courage to say as casually as I could “sooo...uhhh...I was just wondering...ummm...did Andrew maybe say anything about me after we left?” Blake just smirked and my face immediately turned red and then he proceeded to tell me yes but didn't really expand. So I finally pry it out of him that Andrew thought I was super cool and yada yada yada. And I’m BEAMING. Like school-girl-swooning over this dude but trying to keep it collected cause eww, I don’t wanna show Blake. But he definitely knows and I can’t help but smile.

DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW...COLDER?

Everything is set up to be a perfect fairy tail ending right? WRONG. Little do you realize this is like 4 years before we actually date. So how does something that seem so right go astray? Because you’re talking about Katie Horan here. A girl that for the life of her cannot make up her mind. The first couple of weeks are great as we text and snapchat (how millennial of me) but then that’s when the worry seeps in. How would this work? I’ve never dated, how do you date long distance? What is he thinking? He hasn’t said he likes me? Where is he going with all this? Is he really that great or do I just not know him? Do I want to date right before college? Endless questions swirled through my mind and slowly suffocated that excited and eager girl after Noodles and Co. I stop responding so quickly. My responses become shorter. I’m phasing out and I know he is noticing. One day I got this big long text from him. While I don’t remember most of it I do remember him saying, “What are you thinking because I like you and I’ve never met anyone like you.” While the flattery was unreal, the worry was far too real. I had no idea if I liked him and with college right around the corner, the possibilities of meeting someone else seemed too high to commit. So I ended it by basically saying something along the lines of “I think you’re great but I’m not really looking to date right before college.” And that was that. The adventures with Andrew Smith were over. Or so I thought….

WANNA PLAY SOCCER

It’s the first week of college. Woohoo!! I’ve finally made it and was excited about the possibilities that lay ahead of me with my major, friends, and who knows...possible love interests? My roommate Allison and I were hanging in our dorm when I get a message from Blake asking if we would wanna go to the Mabel Lee fields to hang out and maybe kick the soccer ball around. While I’m no soccer star I thought “ehh why not, you’re in college now, do something new.” So Al and I walk over to the fields and about 20 yards out I almost pee myself. Blake’s there kicking the ball around but so is someone else. Someone who I thought I’d never see again. That cool, suave, can’t-get-him-out-of-my-life guy Andrew Smith!! I give Allison the fastest rundown of how I know him before we walk up so she isn’t so confused. I say hi in a very shocked tone and ask Andrew in the most casual way I know how, “What are you doing here?” He tells me that he actually decided at end of last school year that he was going to transfer to UNL since he wanted to be done with college sports. (Ahh yes he was on CCU’s basketball team which made me crush even harder on him because I was talking to a college athlete nbd). I try to conceal my absolute shock and little bit of terror with a “well welcome to UNL - we’re glad to have you.” Now at first I thought big whoop. It’s a huge campus. It's not like I’ll see him all the time but I realized very quickly that that would not be the case. All four of us hit it off that night and quickly became a friend group. Messy? Yes. But a friend group nonetheless that did basically everything together.

SMITH 620 & FINANCE

Now I say messy because I believe (and I think Andrew would attest) that we both knew we weren’t just normal friends. We were friends that had tension. Friends where you would notice the other one in the room immediately but try to act like you didn’t care and in turn basically give them less attention. We just had so much unsaid. But we got along great and as a group we had a blast playing pool, hanging out in our dorm room (famously known as Smith 620) and doing the dumbest things. But this tension remained. As we headed into second semester I told Andrew that I was actually signed up for a finance class (this is relevant because he was a business major and had to take lots of finance classes). He said no way and asked me which one. I told him it was intro to finance and he looked at me in shock and said “no way me too. What time?” I told him the 2:30 one and he laughed and said “no way me too.” And I died. Died because I thought “of course, what are the odds” but also because I knew this meant trouble was on the horizon for us. We were like magnets attracted to each other but trying so hard to remain normal. (I actually didn’t learn until we were dating 3 years later that he wasn’t actually in that class but switched into it after he got all the details from me...classic lol). So, going into second semester I knew a storm was brewing.

Every Tuesday & Thursday Andrew came to my dorm and walked with me to Finance class. For a boy that didn’t care much about school, he seemed very dedicated to having perfect attendance for this particular class. But I didn’t mind because secretly I loved hanging out and talking to him. I looked forward to those days simply because it meant we got to go on walks and chat just the two of us. When it was us two it was pretty natural. I tried to not flirt but, man oh man, it was hard. He was just so easy to talk to and was unlike anyone I had ever met. He was so mysterious and yet, this made me cautious. I don’t know how to describe this but I could tell he was figuring out who he wanted to be. He was stuck between living for God and living for something else. But we naturally got along, so I was torn.

While this class was a breeze overall there were a few times that we had actual assignments and Andrew and I started working on them together. One day he came over to my dorm and as we sat in the study rooms the unthinkable happened. The infamous insta DM finally got brought up. It was a sore that had never been addressed and it was surfacing (and I was panicking). He basically went on to apologize about how he handled it all and then somehow ended it with “I would love to take you on a date sometime.” Now let us remember the fact that Katie had close to zero dating experience and had never been asked on a date. I wish I could tell you what happened next is a joke, but alas, it is not. I blacked out basically. Said something random about how my hands were super cold and then realized I still hadn’t answered his question. My body literally started shaking. Like wut. And yes, you read that right...shaking. In my attempt to keep from passing out completely I somehow mustered up the courage to say “I’ll have to take that up with the Big Man” (aka God).

For background, I had just decided to go all in for Jesus that semester. I had loved Him since high school but I was learning so much about my personal savior and had decided the rest of my life here on earth was dedicated to bringing him glory and by golly I was going to do that one way or another.

Now I wish I could tell you that I handled this situation well but in all reality I goofed up pretty bad. I was so confused where Andrew was at with God and had no idea what to do with the weird partial feelings I had for him. So obviously, rather than facing my feelings, I basically avoided them and without trying, I led poor Andrew on for most of the semester. Apparently at some point I had told him no (or so he says) but honestly there was so much confusion for me, that I had no idea how it truly fizzled out.

We were both tired of the uncertainty by the end of the school year and summer was a good and much needed break for us. Let’s just say I learned a lot that summer so when I came back in the fall I had a good long apology for him and basically felt terrible. He took it super well and forgave me like the gentleman he was before we parted ways. Little did I know that would be 1 of about 4 convos I would have with him over the next 2 ½ years.

You read that right. 2 ½ years went by before any juicy stuff ever happened!! Our friend group basically dissolved once we no longer lived in the dorms and Andrew Smith became a distant name of the past. Talks of him consisted of my friends randomly saying, “tbt to you and that Andrew guy freshman year,” and we would laugh and move on. I thought he would just be someone I learned a lot from but never have true significance until one day our friend had a little accident.

A BROKEN COLLAR BONE

Let me catch you up to speed. It’s our senior year of college and about a week before our final Christmas break. My friend Blake (see the common theme here?) had an unfortunate accident where he legit broke his collarbone and required surgery. So, drugged up Blake texted the old freshman clan asking if we’d wanna come over and watch LOTR for old times sake (movie marathons were a common activity of our freshman year). I had Navs Night but said I’d come late after Allison said she was in.

I won't lie, I was definitely nervous. Anytime I saw Andrew I got nervous mainly because of the shame I felt from how I handled freshman year but also because there was always that we’re-friends-but-not-really-cause-we-could-be-more kind of tension. So I texted Blake when I got to his house that night and who came to let me in downstairs other than my boy Anj Schmitty. As I walked up I was so flipping nervous. I hadn’t seen him for probably a year at this point and somehow this once baby faced boy grew facial hair and got about 10x hotter than I’d remembered. I knew I was screwed. We said hi and made small talk all the way to Blake's room which was great. In my mind, it was a crisis averted and all I had to do was get through this movie without doing something stupid and confusing Andrew more.

So I’m on guard all night but somehow just like freshman year it was like we all didn’t skip a beat. Cracking jokes and belly laughing I could tell a second coming of our freshman year squad was forming. At the end of the night someone begged the question of when we were gonna watch the next one, and at that moment, I knew my life was going to get a whole lot more interesting.

WEDDINGS KILL LOVE?

Background for this. When we all first started hanging out again I was actually “talking” to a guy who I had met at a wedding the summer prior. We had been talking for a few months and I thought he was great but didn’t know if there was that “it” factor so let’s just say seeing Andrew definitely didn’t make that any easier. Not only was I unsure of how it would work with this dude but I also really didn’t want Andrew to know about it for some weird reason. But I knew it wouldn't be a secret for long.

At our second hangout the news came out about my developing love life. I had been invited to a wedding with this guy but was pretty unsure about it at this point. Someone in the group asked me what I was doing this weekend and there was really no way of saying that I was going to Kansas City for a wedding "casually". I was in deep and hated it so much. I had to confess I was going with this guy and was avoiding all eye contact with Andrew because I wanted to know what he was thinking, but somehow felt embarrassed. I was in a sticky situation at this point as it also surfaced that I was probably gonna end it so I didn’t know if I should go to this wedding and a full blown advice session broke out. This was the first time I looked at Andrew and he basically avoided it saying he didn’t know what I should do. I hated that he knew there was another guy which should have cued me in that I had a crush on him, but I was too committed to not confusing and dragging this boy in the mud to notice.

Long story short I go to this wedding and end it with this dude. (Again, nothing but good things to say about this him but there was just something missing). Somehow I felt a huge relief after this was done but it also made things a lot more sticky for me all at the same time.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

Our freshman year friend group now was committed to weekly hangouts which I can say with confidence, was not good for my heart. See now things were completely different. When we all started hanging out it didn’t take long for me to realize I was in deep doo doo.

This rebellious half in/half out with God Andrew Smith guy had fallen head over heels with Jesus in the 2 ½ years I hadn’t seen him and it was so apparent. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this was the most attractive thing I had ever witnessed. He had been TRANSFORMED and was a new creation by the Grace of God. He loved people differently and was strongly committed to following God the best way he knew how. He was a man with a mission and oh my goodness gracious I died. I wanted him. I wanted to be a part of his life cause I knew God was doing big things. Now, for about a month, I completely denied this in myself. I told myself I was happy for him that he found Christ and this was because it was something I had wanted for him since I met him but in reality I was smitten. I thought I was going to ride this wave until we graduated and parted ways but a class assignment sealed my fate that I was going to be future Mrs. Smith.

SUITS AND A BLONDIE

I was “encouraged” by my parents to attend a career fair as any responsible student would do with 2 months until graduation and no plan for post-college work lined up. One day when we we’re all hanging out I had mentioned how I had to go to this dumb thing when Andrew laughed and told me he had to go to it for a class. I laughed nervously before he said we should go at the same time. I responded a little too quickly to play it "cool" as I said yes. At that moment, I got a lot more interested in “finding a job” lol.

Not sure how or why but we ended up driving separately to this thing. At this point I had suggested in my brain that maybe I should consider thinking of him as more than a friend, so I was gonna see how things went at the fair before reaching any conclusions of if I was “crushing” or not. Needless to say I was excited to see him. I hopped out of my car, fixed my blazer and walked into the Embassy Suites. I texted him that I was waiting in the lobby and he said he would be there in 2 minutes. I nervously waited fixing my sleeves and hair and subconsciously getting ready for this not-a-date-but-not-just-a-normal hangout when my ideal day came crashing down.

In walks Andrew Smith dressed to the nines in a suit and looking fine as ever when he also has another friend by his side. It’s another woman. Not only is it another woman but it is a beautiful blondie who seemed like she ruled the world. I was dumbfounded. Here I am thinking this boy was so in love with me when he brings another woman to our non-official date. The internal humiliation was real.

But I quickly recover from shock and meet the two with a smile. I get introduced to blondie and was told they were “classmates” but I knew that any boy with eyes would not be closed off to the ideas of being more. I say "wow that is so cool" but internally I was dying. I wanted to run. Like run directly out of the hotel back to my car and have a good ole laugh and leave, but I was trapped.

As I’m mapping out my getaway route in my head Andrew looks at my hands and starts laughing. Here I am holding a 1-inch white binder that was supposed to be my “resume holder.” In my head it worked, but apparently in a business major's mind that is quite the laughing stock. He took it out of my hand and gave me this way too nice swanky folder and said, “here take this, you’ll need it more than me.” I just laugh and look up at him debating on what to say next when I see blondie still waiting. I snap out of my day dream and remember the nightmare I was still living. I needed to escape. So very abruptly and probably somewhat rude I say “thanks, well I better get going, hope you two have fun," and I leave. At this point I am fully sweating and hide in the coat room for a few minutes until they disappear into the big convention center. I regather myself and try to reassure myself that it’s better this way. I basically map out their future life together and wish them the best of luck in the future before I proceeded to go get a job.

Now if you know me you know a career fair is not my ideal world. First off, I can’t make a decision to save my life and there were endless booths to look at. Secondly, I’m definitely not the most formal and when I get nervous I can just babble. So, I decided I was gonna throw in the flag and just take a lap so I could tell my parents I had checked things out before heading home. After one horribly awkward conversation with a booth, I make my final lap. I’m getting ready to throw in the towel and head home when I hear someone behind me say “you know you have to actually talk to people for them to hire you.” I turn around and you guessed it...suave mysterious Andrew Smith. I chuckle as I turn around and to my surprise, blondie boo was nowhere in sight. Not being able to help myself I say “where did your ‘friend’ go?” He smirked and said he didn’t really know.

I hate to admit it but that made me v happy. It gave me a tiny bit of hope that he came and found me rather than just hang with her. I counted this as a victory while still remaining skeptical and convinced that he loved this chick or something.

Now remember, I babble when I’m nervous so when he asked me how the fair was going I basically word-vomited how I hated it here and I didn't know how anyone got a job and blah blah blah... until he did something I never expected. He stepped in close to me (which I really didn’t mind) and grabbed my shoulders and started on a speech about how everything was fine and I needed to remember they wanted me too.

And that was the moment. That was the moment Andrew Smith turned from being this guy I was unsure about to this guy I just had to have. Something about his ability to calm me down and his freaking beautiful eyes put me in a trance. I was sold and knew there was no turning back. With beady eyes I just shake my head in agreement and consciously have to bring myself back to reality because it’s not acceptable to stare at him for too long. We hung out for the rest of the fair and somehow an event where I had a blazer on became one of my favorite memories.

As we left he said he needed to go find blondie as they rode together (a bit of a blow for me but I tried remaining optimistic) and we said our goodbyes. As I walked back to my car I tried to process all of what happened. At that moment I decided to stop giving a crap about who blondie was and I was gonna date Andrew if it was the last thing I did.

This realization gave me a lot of freedom. You have to remember that most of my interactions with Andrew up to this point were filled with caution and guilt. Caution because I didn’t know how I felt, and guilt because I didn’t want to have a freshman year 2.0. But, when I realized that I liked this dude all of a sudden I was in a whole new ball park. I could do things like flirt because I wanted the commitment that followed. I felt like a whole new woman and was hype for our next friend hang out.

OLD CHI TOWN MADE ME FROWN

Luckily I didn’t have to wait long until I saw my new crush as we were in the middle of a movie marathon. Andrew actually had us all over and we all cooked dinner together before the flick. The movie got over at a decent time and Andy Roo suggested we go to Old Chicago for $3 pizzas. As an enneagram 7 and smitten woman I instantly said yes. To my surprise, both Blake and Allison weren’t as hype and said they were just gonna call it a night.

'Well this is awkward,' I thought as we all stood there. As a collective whole we knew the tension between Andrew and I, and we also knew our hangouts usually never ended well. I just waited to see what Andrew’s move would be and to my disappointment he said fine and that we were lame. HE DIDN’T ASK ME. I headed home dejected debating if it was because of blondie when I got a call as I pulled into my neighborhood. A big ole grin covered my face as I look at the screen and saw it was my main man Andy boy.

I answer as normally as I could and he (as casually as possible) asks me if I’d be down to still get Old Chicago because he was “hungry.” I said that would be great and he said he’d come pick me up in 10. We hung up and I’m pretty sure I did a happy dance in my car by myself.

So, he comes and gets me and we head to Old Chicago. He orders a cold one and as the sophisticated woman I am - I order a root beer (lol). It was like we didn’t skip a beat. Like those freshman year walks all over again, we just chatted about anything and everything. And it was even better now that he was living for God and could talk about that openly. We sat there for multiple hours and as time was coming to a close I knew I had a looming question I wanted to ask. There was a tiny break in convo and I recognized that this was my shot. Doing the most bold thing I had ever done in my life I asked him “sooo...have any ladies in your life?” Basically baiting him to tell me that either blondie was his woman or no but that he still liked me, so we could live happily ever after.

To my surprise it was neither of those things. He told me no and that he was totally fine with that because there was no one in his life that he liked. OUCH. My brain took a couple seconds to process this because I definitely had miscalculated. He asked me right back and I sat there for a few seconds wondering what to say. Committed to not making the first move I say “same” and basically kill the mood before we decide we better head home.

He dropped me off and when I walk in my house I went to the couch and flop down. I sat there processing this new info, wondering what I should do when I get a text from Andy Roo. I don’t even remember what was said or what happened but somehow by the Grace of God we decided we didn’t want to stop hanging out so I headed over to his house. Now this was wild because we don’t ever hang out by ourselves and by doing this we basically were saying “yeah, lets talk about freshman year.”

Once I got to his house we shoot the breeze for a bit until he says something like “sooo what are you thinking?” I try to act confused, but he knows and then we’re in the thick of it basically both admitting there is obviously still tension here but we have no idea what to do. As the mature gentleman he is he says “well it’s pretty late and probably not too wise to talk about this right now so why don’t we sit on it a few days, you get your thoughts together, and we’ll talk.”

I was so thankful for this because when the time came to spill my guts out to him I had confusion and thought it was going to be freshman year all over again. We take a week or two to think about things and of course the first time we try to get together I cancel cause I’m nervous.

I have a major sit down with God and decide that Andrew is worth a shot and that I was going to go for it even if I didn’t get it all figured out so I called him then right then and there and asked if we could go chat.

THE CAPITAL

Andrew picked me up and we went to campus. He parked in an all too familiar spot and we started walking an all too familiar path which made me laugh.

Backstory: one time freshman year it was a really nice day after class so Andrew and I took a long walk and ended up walking all the way to the capital and basically had a fun date without calling it a date. I got scolded by my roommate for being dumb (which I was) so the capital already had history for us.

We walk and talk and once we’re there he says his familiar phrase, “so what’s up?” I deflected and said he should go first. He proceeded to tell me he still liked me and it didn’t really change over the years (and yeah, I’m on cloud 9). Then he waited for my response. Apparently to his surprise, (I thought I was so freaking obvious) I say "yeah so I like you too". We both sat there in silence for a few seconds having no idea what to do when he just goes “so now what do we do?” And I said, "well that’s up to you."

Now, naturally you would think a boy that has waited almost four years to date would be quick to put-a-title-on-it but not this guy. To my surprise he just goes “well I would love to keep getting to know you and see where things go from there.” I AM ~SHOOKETH~. So shook I can’t even help myself and still cannot believe I said this. I looked that boy straight in the eyes and go “what do you even mean? Get to know me? You already know me my guy.” He’s a bit taken aback but after a few minutes of clarifying things, we walk back towards his car and it hits me what just happened.

Andrew Smith was not just some guy. He was my guy and now held the title of boyfriend in my life. Somehow, a talk that I thought would lead to a date led to me being "locked down" and little did I realize, that was be for good.

YOU’RE JUST NOW DATING?!

Now you might be wondering, “what the heck Katie we just got to dating and this is basically a short novel,” and you’d be correct. So, to save you another two hours let’s just say the rest is history. Our dating was full of ups and downs and talks and confusion and sin and forgiveness and all of that good stuff. The thing that will always stick out to me though is that through it all we wanted to keep trying.

I was committed. I was drawn. And that was completely the opposite of who I was as an individual. Commitment made me want to run the other direction but for some reason with him I couldn’t say no. God had given me a heart for him and in the hardest of times this is what won out again and again.

It also helped that he was the kindest, cutest, most patient and supportive human being I had ever met. He accepted me for exactly who I was and by his actions he made me love Jesus even more. If you ask any of my closest friends about Andrew and I, they would tell you that I became a completely different person. (Now let me explain because that sounds alarming.) Before him, boys were a source of stress for me. I tried to like them because they were morally sound or it just made sense. But with Andrew there was those shared values and faith but also that unexplainable attraction that when people who ask me about him I can't help but smile. This was not a usual response from me when talking about the opposite gender so I think my friends knew long before I did that this was my guy. While it took longer for me I am so thankful for Andrew’s patience as I slowly saw what God was doing.

I’m so thankful God writes stories better than we ever could. While we weren’t perfect in any way, Andrew has shown me God’s grace clearer than anyone ever, and makes me want to be more like Jesus. I cannot tell you how excited I am to spend the rest of my life with this man. Thanks for reading my side of things and see you all May 8th. Ps- bring your dancing shoes. (: