FADE IN:

EXT. MONMOUTH COUNTY, NEW JERSEY

WE OPEN on Jeff, a 33-year-old White male in a modern suburban home. The front window is illuminated by the lights inside. We see the silhouette of a large, black dog named Guinness (after the World Record book) as he runs back and forth. We push in closer as we slowly see the PHONE in his hand open up to the HINGE app.

CUT TO:

INT. SUBURBAN HOME - KELLY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

NARRATOR IN THE VEIN OF JOHN MULANEY (V.O).

Once upon a swipe in the digital realm of romance, Kelly and Jeff's love story began. It was a match made in the algorithmic heavens, a tale woven by the intricate threads of a dating app. As Kelly scrolled through profiles, she stumbled upon Jeff's with an air of curiosity.

Being the pasta enthusiast that she is, Kelly seized the opportunity to ask Jeff a question that transcended the ordinary realms of online small talk.

She posed her inquiry, "If you were a type of pasta, what would you be?"

Jeff, in all his charm, responded with a wit as sharp as Manchego, declaring himself a bowtie – because he keeps it light and classy.

They met at a cozy cafe and instantly felt a connection. They talked for hours, cracking jokes and sharing stories. They felt like they had known each other for a long time. They agreed to see each other again, and soon they became inseparable. They went on many adventures together, exploring new places, trying new cuisines, and discovering new things.

They fell in love and realized they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Jeff proposed to Kelly at the pier at Ocean Grove under the stars, and she thought about running away but ultimately said yes. They are now planning their dream wedding and can't wait to start their new chapter as forever fettuccine friends.

And that's how they met. Isn't that amazing? I mean, what are the odds? They were the perfect pasta for each other. It's like fate. It's like destiny. It's like...pasta. Pasta (and Jesus) is the key to love, folks. Remember that. And if you ever find yourself on a dating app, don't be afraid to ask the pasta question. You never know, you might just find your bowtie or your bucatini (deep-cut noodle).

Pasta. Love. Pasta love. That's Kelly and Jeff's story.

And I'm sticking to it.

FADE OUT.