Whereas, Kristen Stewart (The Bride, Twitchy, or Dear) and Kyle Sill (The Groom, Oompa Loompa, or Love) desire to have a wedding celebration (The Party). And whereas, together, Dear and Oompa Loompa (collectively, KS2 or Management) have invited You and others (Guest or Guests) to celebrate this incredible occasion. And whereas Management has engaged certain others, to include, without limitation and subject to addition or deletion, Kasey Gordon (Maid of Honor), Ryan Gucwa (Best Man), Photographer (Photographer), and D.J. (DJ), to assist in the management and control of The Party (collectively, the Management Team). And whereas KS2 desire to have parameters in place to ensure the best possible experience for themselves and Guests during The Party. And whereas, Love is a dedicated attorney—and Twitchy indulges him in his “stupidity”—which is not actually stupid. The following Terms and Conditions (Conditions) apply.

The Party is MPAA Rated 17. Those under 17 will not be admitted—even with an adult.

You understand and acknowledge that neither Twitchy nor Oompa Loompa desire for this to be a traditional occasion. You agree, and forever waive, on behalf of You and your heirs, assignees, brethren, kinfolk, and all others you may have interest over, on, or in, all rights to complain or bemoan. You agree this is a fun day and event. You agree you will have fun at The Party.

You agree this is The Bride’s day, with The Groom getting appeased in some minimal respects. (See generally Conditions). Accordingly, whatever Dear says, goes. This provision applies in full force to Love as well, and he is bound by the same provision: whatever Dear says, goes for him. To make this provision even clearer, and remove any ambiguity (of which there is none): The Bride wins.

If a member of the Management Team says “Mickey Mouse” during The Party, a game is afoot. If You are the first Guest to give Twitchy a high-five after hearing “Mickey Mouse,” You are entitled to a special prize; provided that, any prize may not be consumed on or at the Party premises. You acknowledge that Twitchy is the final arbiter of which Guest was the first to high-five her; Twitchy’s decision is not subject to appellate review by Management or the Management Team.

Management will not be responding to the traditional glass-clinking for a kiss; see above Condition on traditionality. Instead, there will be a 20-sided die at Management’s table. You may, no more than thrice during the Party, come to the head table while Management is at or about the table and not otherwise engaged, and roll the die. If You choose to roll, You agree You have read the following provisions and agree to be bound irregardless of result: (1) Should You roll a number lower than 14, Management will kiss; provided that, should You roll a 14 or higher, You must kiss another person at The Party. Nothing in this provision can or should be read to encourage, permit, condone, or allow the unwanted kissing of anyone. If You must kiss another person, it must be with their full knowledge and informed consent. (2) Should you roll the 20th side, the “KK” logo, you get a high-five and get to roll again.

By accepting your invitation and entering on or near The Party premises, You automatically agree to the Conditions. If You do not accept the Conditions and attendant risk allocations, do not RSVP or enter on or near The Party premises. KS2 reserves the right to amend the Conditions without prior notification. And KS2 reserves the right to alter, modify, or grant variances or exceptions to and from any provision of these Conditions in their sole discretion; Management’s decision in this regard is final and not subject to appellate review by the Management Team.