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Lilly & Isaac

August 15, 2015 • Sharon, CT

Lilly & Isaac

August 15, 2015 • Sharon, CT

Wedding Party

Lilly Rand
Lilly Rand - Bride
Lilly Rand is the smartest and most beautiful girl in the world. She gets along with everyone and truly cares about others. This will be Lilly's 3rd marriage.
Isaac
Isaac - GROOM
Conceived at midnight in the middle of a blizzard, Isaac was born 5 weeks later in a Samboro hut on the Ivory Coast. At the age of 15, and with not a penny to his name, he hitched a ride inside a box of crackers on a tramp steamer bound for New Yrok. Got a job folding pretzels, and the rest is history.Favorite Quote: "I really don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive, you got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, and you got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death." -Mel Brooks
Charlotte
Charlotte - Maid of Honor
Despite being a fervent supporter of universal healthcare, a wide social safety net, abortion rights, increased spending on education, and a strong federal government, Charlotte Rand is a Republican. Char voted for Bush twice and would have voted for Dole but she was only 11 years old. This girl loves to shop, shop, shop, and if you can't find her on Saturday afternoon, check Old Navy;) Among Charlottes many skills are cooking, cleaning, and computer gaming.
Pat Gough
Pat Gough - Best Man
Pat, Isaac's best man, was born in Rhode Island. His favorite things are New York System Wieners, coffee syrup, and the Pawtucket Red Sox. He likes polo shirts, polo shorts, J-Crew sweaters, and vintage maternity clothing. His AIM screen name used to be GinMorrison27. Despite having only read a single book in his entire life ('Tis, the sequel to Angela's Ashes), he still finds time to watch TLC and serve as treasurer of the Jerry Remy Fan Club. Pat was made an honorary Jew in order to serve as best man.Favorite Quote: "I'm in New York, land of the free and home of the brave, but I'm supposed to behave as if I were in Limerick at all times." -Frank McCourt, 'Tis, a Memoir
Max Hellman
Max Hellman - Groomsman
Max once lived in Alaska. He has a passion for German made cars and used to play Sim City competitively. He believes strongly in mandatory minimum sentencing, Israel, and the Android operating system. On August 15th, in addition to celebrating the marriage of Isaac and Lilly, we will also be honoring Max's common law marriage. Ask him for advice.Favorite Quote: "Dick Cheney shot a judge"- MC Hellman
Felicia Garcia Rivera
Felicia Garcia Rivera - Bridesmaid
This is the last picture ever taken of Felicia Garcia Rivera. She was last seen fishing off the coast of Fishers Island. If you have any information on her whereabouts please contact the New London Police.
Alison Mann
Alison Mann - Bridesmaid
If Alison Mann had a single wish, it would be to teach professional scuba diving. However, due to a rare medical condition involving sub-dermal air pockets, she is incapable of submerging herself. She moved to Hollywood and got a job fact checking screenwriters. She loves peanuts, convertibles, and Full House reruns. Favorite Movie: Battle for Los Angeles
John Sharry
John Sharry - Groomsman
John Sharry has a passion for marketing, and lobsters from Jasper White's Summer Shack. He has 17 brothers and 1 daughter. Although John has never been known for his looks or personality, he somehow managed to father an incredibly adorable baby girl. Honestly, and I don't say this lightly, I think she is the cutest baby I have ever seen. One time, in college, John (redacted). If at some point during the wedding you want to listen to someone drone on and on about stuff you don't care about, go find John and ask him about any of his interests. I spent way too much time trying to find a picture of him wearing a lobster bib. Favorite Movie: When Harry Met Sally
Andy Harkness
Andy Harkness - Groomsman
Andrew's proportions are identical to those of the Vitruvian man. His voice and guitar work were etched into the gold record bolted to the exterior of the Voyager probe. He wears Champion sweatshirts and makes biodiesel when not fathering children. Favorite Restaurant: Bertucci's
Dr. Clea Barnett
Dr. Clea Barnett - Bridesmaid
Clea Barnett is the sister of the groom. Currently, Clea is in her 4th year of cosmetology school. After attending Dartmouth College, she moved to New York City where she got a job in informatics at the Paul Mitchell Academy. She has a history of abandoning cats and maxing out credit cards on designer handbags. She has been married for 10 years and has 4 sons, 2 daughters, 6 cats, and drives a Subaru Outback.
Orlena "Squatting Dog" Scoville
Orlena "Squatting Dog" Scoville - Bridesmaid
Orlena Scoville had the honorable distinction of winning every single superlative award during her senior year of high school. Among her awards were most and least likely to succeed, most artistic, most musical, best hair, best dressed, most athletic, best friend, and best eyes. In College, Ms. Scoville paid her own way with groundbreaking cancer research and swimsuit modeling. This amazing, 21st Century woman is revered within the beltway for her beauty, style, and grace. She currently lives in Washington DC. She loves running, soup kitchens, and boys.
Joe Bedetti
Joe Bedetti - Groomsman
Joe and Isaac were freshman, sophomore, and junior year roommates. He now lives in Columbia. Joe loves Tom Brady, Pedro Martinez, and believes 9/11 was an inside job. He is not sure who conspired with Oswald to kill Kennedy, but he thinks it's probably the CIA, Castro, the Russians, or someone else. He spreads his filthy conspiracy theories to the unsuspecting children he teaches in Bogota. Joe is known for falling in love at the drop of a hat and has a deep, dark sentimental streak that manifests itself in creepy ways. He is very touchy feely, so there is definitely some reason he is teaching children in South America and not the United States. For some unknowable reason he studied German and spent his year abroad in Berlin??!?!? What's up with that Joe? Germany? South America? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM US??!??!?!!! His favorite food is his mom's manicotti.Favorite TV Show: Survivor: Vanuatu
Charles Upton
Charles Upton - Groomsman
Charles lives in a van with a feral coyote. He has a Master's Degree in water conservation management, yet he doesn't turn the faucet off when brushing his teeth. Charles spent the past 10 years traveling the world and now works 3 jobs to support his many multicultural children. You can tell by this picture that he likes being in the middle and has many good male friends.Favorite Quote: "In the great stone deserts, there exists a unique tradeone can swap the whirlwind of life for the infinite peace of the soul"
Sunny Zweig
Sunny Zweig - Bridesmaid
Sunny Zweig has lived in Kent, CT for the past 15 years. She shops at the IGA, gets sandwiches from the local deli, and celebrates the 4th of July with her "awesome" neighbors. Active in her community, Sunny is a volunteer EMT and can often be found cooking large spaghetti and meatball dinners for her "macho men" at the Kent volunteer fire department. She has 12 cats named Olivia and only drives Hondas. Despite calling herself a "townie," this tall blond bombshell still gets around. In fact, last year she took the commuter rail all the way to New York City where her and her husband had lunch at Mickey Mantle's and then saw the Kinky Boots matinee.
Noah Berland
Noah Berland - Ring Bearer
Noah is 16 years old. He like the zoo, spiderman, and being naked. These are acceptable behaviors for a 5 year old, but not for someone who is 16. As such, he has been in and out of juvenile detention facilities for the past 6 years.
Fiona Eltz
Fiona Eltz - Bridesmaid
Fiona Eltz was born in Austria and started a juicing and detoxification company when she was 6 years old. Her dog, a fine looking pup named Nutella, is a very good boy. Fi recently earned a degree in linguists and plans to move to Vienna to teach German.Favorite Movie: Billy Madison
George Rand
George Rand - Usher
This is George. He likes talking on his cell phone and skateboarding. After graduating from the University of Vermont he moved to New York City to work at FAO Schwartz. After the 2008 financial crisis he was laid off and decided to hike the Appalachian trail. He finished last may. Currently, George works as an EMT.
Owen Berland
Owen Berland - Ring Bearer
Owen Berland was born in Russia and adopted 3 years later by a set of South Korean parents who quickly abandoned him. Living off scraps in a slum outside Seoul, Owen perfected his particular brand of street magic, which he used to entertain the local stray cat population. When he turned 18, Owen moved to Montclaire, New Jersey and started an Italian deli where he perfected the oil-to-vinegar ratio. Known a The Berland Equation, his O2V equation is considered the gold standard. He likes cards, his sister, and Spiegelman.
John Whalen
John Whalen - Usher
John Whalen was born in Ireland. He has spent the past 60 years of his life as a personal injury attorney with the firm Trantolo and Trantolo. John is proud to say that he has never missed a day of work. In 1973, John traveled to Calcutta to spend a year working with Mother Teresa. John loves hiking, Anne Rice novels, and belgian waffles. Favorite Movie: The Boondock Saints
Tobias "Toby" Rand
Tobias "Toby" Rand - Usher
Toby was born in Russia. He is 10 years old and loves bones, cushions, and rubbing his infected eye drainage onto the sofa.
Tess Berland
Tess Berland - Flower Girl
Tess is an adorable little hood rat. She hops, skips, and cartwheels around Montclaire, NJ, pickin' pockets and stealing hearts and lawn ornaments. Last year she formed a gang consisting of a shaggy mutt named Lucy, her grandmother, and the 13 year old twins who live next door. They spend their afternoons keying cars and yelling. Her parents are very proud of her.
Lil' Miss Williamz
Lil' Miss Williamz - Flower Girl
Born in bohemian Brooklyn, Lil' Miss Williamz is known up and down Flatbush Ave for her pioneering work in the development of Pre-Skool Rap. Playing to sold out playrooms, Lil' Miss Williamz wows audiences with her sick social-justice flows and elaborate pyrotechnics. Lil' Miss loves farmer's markets, stuffed animals, and fried chicken sandwiches.
Silas Warner
Silas Warner - Flower boy
Silas was originally supposed to be an usher, but, due to creative differences, he got into a physical altercation with John Whalen. Punches were thrown and John had to be taken to the hospital. Despite this setback, Silas is committed to being the best flower boy he can be. Born just a few years ago, Little Psy is already breaking hearts with his good looks and charming personality. He loves dogs, cars, and exploring.