The year was 2008. It was the first year without Bob Barker hosting The Price Is Right, a McChicken was still a dollar the way God intended, and Mark and Maura had begun teaching at a small Lutheran middle and high school. Maura, an actual qualified teacher, would listen to 80s music while grading things after school. Mark, having graduated with a degree in German literature, was lucky to land a job that didn't involve hard hats or testing experimental food additives. He often made up grades.

As time went by (this is a really good reference which you'll get on the 26th), their similar tastes in music and proclivity for making fun of irritating students led to a few dates. Then some more dates. Mark found Maura charming and easy to be around. Mark might occasionally say something moderately entertaining. Combine that with acceptable hygiene and the ability to avoid burning the kitchen down when cooking a meal, and, well...c'est l'amour.

Then suddenly they moved in together.

The year is 2024. The world is a capitalist hellscape and various religions have incorrectly predicted no fewer than eight separate apocalypse scenarios. After sixteen years of a relationship and everyone and their mother asking WhY ArEn'T yOu MArrIeD YeT??*** Mark and Maura have built themselves a nice little place in the world, which is all anyone can really ask for.

Three cats, two dogs, concerts, cookouts, school semesters, snow days, mountain trips, burritos, beers, and bar tabs, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Chicago, Ocean City, West Virginia, Germany...and now here, in Baltimore, with you all.

***anyone expressing the sentiment of "took you long enough" or any variation thereof will be escorted from the premises.