“I’m tired and this is stupid” I thought to myself as I slumped down in a seat of the auditorium, my lack of enthusiasm for the upcoming lecture on research methods thinly veiled to those around me. The clock struck 8am and I had just ended an overnight shift in Labor and Delivery. Coffee was not an option, as I intended to slip out as soon as possible and head straight to bed. Yet what initially seemed like punishment turned into one of those momentous occasions in which life diverges in a new and unexpected direction, as the woman who would eventually become my future wife took the last available seat in the room. That seat happened to be next to me. She wore a white blouse and knee-length white skirt with a professional jacket and I wistfully thought to myself “She looks like an angel”.

She would later tell me “You had dark circles around your eyes and looked so tired in your scrubs, and I wondered ‘Is this what I have to look forward to?!’” Her name was Phuong and she introduced herself as one of the new first-year medical students. I was a third-year, and a nerdy one at that. I eventually invited her to study EKGs with me, having exchanged phone numbers during that momentous occasion. After lectures one day soon thereafter, I stood in front of an anatomic representation of the heart I had proudly drawn (the first in what I had hoped would be a series of impressive feats) and pointed out different parts to her: “Atrial contractions are represented by the P wave and ventricular contractions are represented by the QRS complex—presuming a healthy cardiac cycle, of course…” I was very into it. “Wait, wait, did you think that was a date?” she asked me, years later. “Well, I uh… didn’t want to label it because uh… I didn’t want to put pressure on you” I responded, my characteristically male concerns about rejection barely concealed.

While my sentiment provided the basis for a series of miscommunications, it did not stop Phuong from taking the initiative by asking me out on an official date. Needless to say, I was thrilled. Over popcorn chicken and in video arcades, food at Denny’s and Yardhouse, a tee shirt that we found at the mall featuring Jesus riding a dragon in outer space, one date turned into two and two into more. Winter turned into spring and she asked me “MedProm is coming up—would you like to be my date?” Of course I would, I happily replied, and we arranged to meet at her friends’ apartment for drinks beforehand. An Uber took us to the bright lights of downtown Riverside and the 150-year old Spanish revival-style Mission Inn. We found our way to the ballroom between old religious relics and up twisting staircases. We were greeted by smiling Attending physicians—our chaperones—and early 2000s Usher. Amidst the watered down punch and bad dancing of soon-to-be-doctors, I could tell that Phuong was enjoying herself. We found our way up to the rooftops and looked out over the city. I saw the lights reflected in her eyes that night and wondered what the future would bring.

“Subarus suck” were the first words my father spoke to Ryan upon meeting him. Ryan’s poor older Subaru was leaking transmission fluid as we struggled our way home from my first ever camping trip, in Joshua Tree. On top of that, I had snuck off with Ryan under the guise of this being a medical school friends’ trip (which was still true --Ryan was in medical school, after all). “Hey Dad, this is my friend, Ryan” I stated hesitantly. Without responding, my father proceeded to check Ryan’s car and identified that it was a transmission issue. He poured transmission fluid in and gave Ryan the rest of the bottle so he could make his way home safely.

I had never identified as being particularly outdoorsy. I likened myself to an indoor cat. I truly don’t know what possessed me to accept Ryan’s invitation to go camping in Joshua Tree two months into dating. Boy, was I unprepared for restrooms without water or soap, the pain of walking uphill, or how an eight mile hike could turn my legs into noodles. But he was cute!

That trip brought many firsts into my life. It was my first time climbing, with terrible rental shoes and no knowledge on how to properly “fall” onto a crash pad. It was my first time camping. It was our first time working together as a team. It was our first time pitching a tent together. It was our first meal-planning for the weekend. It was our first time joint-planning an adventure. A true test of spending 24/7 together for an entire weekend in the desert, without electricity or a shower. It was the first of many adventures to come. To my surprise, I loved all of the “outdoorsy” experiences.

I still remember the groan of waking up at 2am, cozy in my sleeping bag, with the awareness that I needed to use the restroom in the dark. I dreaded the cold night air and woke up Ryan to show me the way. We stepped out into a cloudless night greeted by a million stars, an experience I had no words for except "Wow”. Nothing could have prepared me for the beauty of the Joshua Tree night sky. I felt so small, insignificant. No modern concern mattered to me in that moment. I was reminded that human existence was but another blip of history. When I turned to share the experience with Ryan, he was looking at me and my mind went quiet.

Under the vast expanse of what felt like the twinkling universe with myriad possibilities, freezing my tush off, I realized that I could not fathom sharing my life with anyone else.

Ryan and Phuong have overcome two big obstacles to building a strong relationship—long distance and pressures of medical school and residency. Early in their dating life, Phuong was traveling with her parents and Ryan was studying for a major exam. He had a tough time hearing about her adventures while he was stuck over his books. They talked it out (video calls are really helpful) and laid the groundwork for finding solutions together. One of the things they do very well—work as a team to find ways to support each other (and they LAUGH, a lot!). They continued that work together throughout many separations, including Ryan's 4 years of residency in Bakersfield while Phuong continued medical school and residency in Riverside. During those years, they made friends, together, in each other's world; in fact, Phuong appeared in the year-end video produced by Ryan's residency class upon completion of their program.

With their love and strong respect for each other, they have grown a resilient partnership with shared values and interests—family, friends, rock climbing, hiking and camping, all things medical, current events, good movies, books and video games, escape rooms. . .and on. And somehow, they make time for all of these interests and still find time to plan their wedding!

I was sitting on the couch in the living room. Ryan stood at the kitchen sink washing dishes from our dinner and Phuong walked into the kitchen. It was early in their relationship. Phuong lay her head against Ryan’s back. A gentle act. Connecting, but not interrupting.

I was not able to pull my cellphone from my pocket fast enough to photograph the moment, but I will always remember it as the time I realized that the two of them had become one.