How I Met Erin

By Scott Parker

On May 19th, 2023 at IHM Parish in Lansing, there was a Catholic Speed Dating event hosted by the Diocese of Lansing.

I wasn’t there.

Erin wasn’t there, either.

I had considered going, but knew that I was not prepared, so I didn’t attend. I did mark it down in my mind as something I would maybe do in the future if there was another, but with a kind of quiet hope which I wouldn’t voice aloud.

Unfortunately for me, I had no idea if there was going to be another.

Dawn Hausmann had no future speed dating events planned; that is until Erin, wondering if there would be another, texted Dawn to ask. Instead of telling her no, Dawn inquired when she was free and arranged to host an event that worked with their schedules.

On Saturday February 24th, 2024, at IHM Parish in Lansing, there was a Catholic Speed Dating event hosted by the Diocese of Lansing.

I distinctly remember driving to the event. I felt totally unprepared, but I still attended. I went in simply being open to God’s will. Maybe I would meet someone, maybe not.

I got there right at the start, 5:30pm. There was a social hour with food before the main event. My plan was I wouldn’t try to talk to any women right at the start since it would be too much pressure. I would instead loosen up socially by talking with some guys. Then I would see.

The event was in the basement of IHM. Upon walking in, I was greeted by the volunteers and then said hi to Father Mike. I grabbed some food and made my way to sit down. My normal habit would be to find a table reasonably far into the room. You know, just far enough to give the impression I’m not trying to sit close to other people. Preferably, a seat with a good view of the room. Today, however, I sat down at the closest table with someone else already seated. This seat happens to be at the table nearest the door and I am facing away from all of the action at the entrance, check-in, and food table.

The fellow sitting across from me, Jacob, was a lot younger than me and I learned he had been to a few of these speed dating events before. I asked him how they usually go and whatnot. He, myself and another dude had a satisfactory conversation. The second guy got up after a while. Just Jacob and me. I’m thinking about getting up and introducing myself to other people, maybe even people of the opposite sex.

And then Erin came and sat down next to me. She introduced herself and sat to my left. We started talking. The three of us carried on a conversation for a while. Our good buddy Jacob across the table did a solid job providing subjects of conversation since Erin and I were a bit quiet. Jacob got up at some point, probably to get food, and it was just Erin and myself. This is where commonalities and shared values between us became blindingly apparent to me and only continued to become clearer with every passing moment.

Jacob returned a few minutes later. It’s hard to recall the exact order of my thoughts, but I am both participating in the conversation and also inevitably forming my designs for asking Erin out. 100% of my brain is being used. Everything that is being said or done by anyone becomes a potential opportunity for me to say something which bends the arc of the conversation toward my aim of getting to know Erin. The topic of Euchre was brought up by Jacob at some point to make conversation. Since Euchre was being discussed, my mind went to Cribbage, which achieved my twin goals of 1) having anything at all to say when I was in Erin’s presence and 2) a potential date idea. I wanted to throw out the fact that there was a Cribbage club (in Webberville by Mr. Moon) to see if Erin seemed at all interested in such an idea, just maybe.

I felt I was being pretty aggressive in my conversation. I wanted to know who Erin was. One such question I asked Erin was, “Are you a horse person?” I mentally apologized to my buddy across the table because I could tell I was distorting what should be a 3-person conversation flow into one focused on the object of my affection. I was very relieved when another woman sat next to me, on my right, maybe 20 minutes after Erin had. It gave me a chance to moderate my ever-increasing infatuation with Erin by acting like a normal human being who had interest in speaking with or looking at other people.

I doubt my designs were so easily disguised; Erin has since told me that my pupils were so dilated that she couldn’t tell my eye color this evening.

The socializing time came to an end at 6:30pm. Next, a couple gave a talk offering dating advice. I remember one of the ideas was to go on casual dates if you weren’t certain of what you wanted so you could come to understand the opposite sex better, basically. Sage advice, but no use to me. They also acknowledged that love at first sight existed, which I absolutely agreed with, but wished they hadn’t brought up the subject since I felt the desires of my heart would be made too transparent to everyone.

During the talk, I was planning what I would say to Erin. I am prone to analysis paralysis, but I wasn’t going to give that part of my brain the time of day. I could think of many possible things that a man might say to approach a woman, but the thing that really matters is honesty; both in acting true to his character and saying what is true. So, I was just going to make it utterly clear that I liked her. And then I was going to ask to see her again. Playing Cribbage was a good option. It existed. Never mind that Erin said she’d only played Cribbage once before and had forgotten how to play and I myself hadn’t played in 20 years, the plan was a go.

This is how the speed dating operated: the attendees were arrayed around 10 circular tables, 6 chairs to a table, with 3 male-female pairs at each table (there were empty seats at some tables). The women stayed seated while the men moved to the next seat after each round. After the allotted time, 2.5 minutes, the man would scan the woman’s QR code and then each person would use their phone to either assent or decline to exchange info. Only on the following day, Sunday, would you know who had reciprocated your interest and at that time get their contact information via the app.

I was going to disrespect the sanctity of the speed dating process by forgoing this measured approach to exchanging contact information. I wasn’t going to wait until Sunday. Either I was going to tell Erin what I thought of her at the soonest moment I could lead into it or I might as well cease to exist. I could sense Erin was in a state of disbelief of what was happening so I didn’t want to leave things unclear as to what I thought of her until after speed dating.

There were more men than women at speed dating. Our starting table was imbalanced with three men and two women. One of us guys needed to volunteer to move to a different table to balance things out and it wasn’t going to be me. My normal modus operandi would be to volunteer, but that wasn’t going to happen today. In fact, even if someone asked me to move I would have declined. I wasn’t moving. I think I maybe even said something aloud to Erin about it being fine to let the other people move since I didn’t want her to feel any obligation to move, either.

After the fellow to Erin’s left blessedly left the table, we turned our chairs toward each other. I was staring at Erin during this couple minute period before the speed dating kicked off. I knew that she knew that I was interested, but she didn’t seem to quite believe it. I can’t tell you exactly what I was thinking or what I thought she was thinking because I had many possible overlapping realities of what could be going on in her mind. But, in all of these realities I was going to ask her out and hear what her response was, so I focused on what needed to be said.

When the speed dating started, I first asked Erin what her last name was because I couldn’t quite make out her name tag. I had to convince myself it was okay to ask this question because I was afraid that it could be interpreted as me thinking about her changing her last name, which would be rushing things a bit. I then told her that I was very interested in her and asked her if she would like to meet up for Cribbage some time.

She told me she lived in Traverse City; Erin tells me I kind of reeled back in my chair when I heard this, which caused her heart to drop. I was admittedly quite animated. I confess, I did not know where Traverse City was exactly, up north somewhere. I figured it was more than a couple hours away, but no matter. Physical distance wasn’t going to dissuade me from her, so I asked her when she would be in town next; it sounded like she wouldn’t be available the coming Monday. We tentatively made arrangements for March 17th and I was ecstatic with that.

After the first and only important speed date in my life ended, I decided not to quit the room entirely. I owed it to myself and God to seriously consider if any of the other women there were who I was looking for. Mostly I didn’t want to be too presumptuous about how I thought things were going to go with Erin. It was a surreal experience going around the tables talking to other women at a speed dating event after finding the woman I wanted to marry. I did give a checkmark on the speed dating app to many of the women I spoke to; there were many attractive young ladies and it seemed wrong to not acknowledge that, even if they weren’t the one for me.

I was very much at ease for subsequent rounds. Erin has told me she was also extremely relaxed. I was mostly successful at not looking past whomever I was speaking to see Erin. It was a blessing that Erin’s back was to the rest of the room so I was not tempted to make eye contact with her and show myself to be a boorish person unable to give the woman currently in front of me my full attention.

After the speed dating was over, I looked around to see where my future wife was. I mentally amended “future wife” to “potential future wife”. I saw her stomping down the hall in her black boots toward the end of the hall. I got the impression she was a diligent person who wasn’t going to let finding the love of her life discharge her of her obligations (she volunteered to set-up). We continued our conversation shortly thereafter and then spoke further at the Lansing Brewing Company where many people went after speed dating. During this time Erin offered that she was actually in Lansing for the next several days and so we arranged to meet sooner than originally planned.

Our first date was the next day, Sunday, at the Emmaus house in East Lansing where I taught her to play cribbage. I had to relearn the rules beforehand and then teach her. I skunked her the first game. Jennie Parrish (Maid of Honor) and my sister, Bridget, also learned Cribbage, although whatever game they were playing only vaguely resembled it. Some might consider playing a competitive game a “risky” first date, but you’re going to need to know how the other person handles competition and it is a great way to get to know someone. I give it my whole-hearted recommendation.

If you’re curious about all of the people we matched with, at the end of the date we checked our emails and each found a list of matches. Erin used a script to graciously decline any suitor who contacted her while I passively let my other prospects fade, happy with who I had found and who had found me.

Thank you to Dawn for arranging the speed dating event. Thank you everyone who was praying for Erin and I to find a spouse. Thank you, Mom, for notifying me of the existence of the speed dating event. And thank you, God, for your sheer, gratuitous goodness.