His Story:

I always thought I might be called to marriage, but, even from a young age, I considered the priesthood and religious life as options as well. Discernment became more intentional in high school as I considered whether to go to college or seminary after graduating. Failing to detect a call to the priesthood, I opted to go to college to study agriculture (one of my life-long passions). When I began to see the end of the educational tunnel in sight, my discernment got even more intentional. I still felt a desire for marriage and family life, but, when I started meeting various religious orders at national Catholic conferences (FOCUS SEEK conferences), I probed my heart for a calling in that direction. Needless to say, at the end of a discernment retreat at a Benedictine monastery, I made the decision to start dating.

Never has there been an experience that called me outside of myself more than dating. Suddenly, my spending cash, my free time, and even my plans for the future were now shared with another. That limited form of self-giving began to open my eyes to the great gift that God has given us in establishing the institution of marriage. For, as the Gospel of Luke tells us, “whoever loses his life for My sake, this is the one who will save it.”

Several months after the peaceful end of a four-year relationship, I found myself asking God to send me a wife. I had a good sense of the qualities I was looking for in a woman, and, laying these before Him, I decided to sign up for online dating. Not even a month after I put up a profile on avemariasingles.com, Silvia Ruth, using an alias of her favorite saints' names, responded to a smile I had sent her and indicated that she was interested in communicating further – and communicate, we did! I’m not sure how many messages we exchanged on the site before switching over to mostly using our personal emails, but it must have been in excess of 300! I was impressed with her willingness to talk about hard things, her intelligence, and how much her vision of marriage and family life aligned with mine. She seemed to possess virtues that have become rare in the current culture. For example, I quickly noticed her feminine self-confidence, yet she appeared to be actively striving for humility. What a rare combination!

The relationship we forged over the 11 months preceding our engagement was marked by a true desire to get to know each other, a spirit of learning together and striving for virtue, as well as intentionality and commitment. I truly believe that Silvia Ruth has been an answer to my prayers, and I thank the Lord that she said yes!

~Allen Wilder

Registry