Hi everyone!

We recognize that many of you have not experienced an Orthodox Jewish wedding. Below is a summary of what to expect. We want to emphasize how happy and grateful we are that you will be there to celebrate with us! We hope that you feel welcome to join in all the dancing, singing, and fun!

Part I: Shmorg and Badeken (AKA cocktail hour, and then some)

The wedding starts with the "shmorg," originating from the word smorgasbord, which has now taken on its own Jewish twist. This will be a spread of food and drink where guests mingle, chat, and eat. This is basically the cocktail hour, but Jewish wedding veterans will tell you this is where to find the best food.

Around 3:15, Ben will be in a nearby room with guests at his own reception. The “chatan's tisch,” or “groom’s table” in Yiddish, is kind of like a singing party. You sit around, eat, and generally make merry. Everyone is more than welcome to participate in the fun or stop by to extend good wishes to Ben and other family members. Mingle as you wish! The chatan's tisch is also where to find the good whiskey, so keep that in mind.

Tali will be having a "kallah's tisch," a "bride's tisch" at the same time as Ben's tisch. At Tali's tisch, there will be singing, speeches, and Tali along with her sister, will make a siyum, a ceremony, for completing a tractate (portion) of Talmud. After Tali's tisch finishes, she will go and sit on a small platform, with some extra seats for family and the wedding party. This part is called the Kaballat Panim. People who are mingling at the shmorg will line up to say hello and congratulate Tali. At the shmorg, feel free to hangout, tell Tali “Mazal Tov”, and definitely don’t forget to eat!

Next up is the Badeken – Yiddish for “covering.” This tradition harkens back 3,000 years to the wedding of the patriarch Jacob and his first wife, Leah (see Genesis 19 if you’re curious). Around 45 minutes or so after the start of the shmorg, music will start playing, and Benjamin, flanked by the dads, will walk from the tisch room to where Tali is sitting. They will be heralded by friends and family coming from the tisch room singing very loudly while walking backwards in order to keep facing Ben, so watch out! To avoid getting trampled by the incoming processional, guests will move to the side to make a pathway for Ben and his friends as they enter the room and approach Tali.

There is a traditional song (Od Yishama) played during the Badeken when Benjamin will enter the room, paraphrasing Jeremiah 33:10:

"Od Yishama be-arey Yehudah, u-bechutzot yerushalayim, kol sasson ve-kol simcha, kol chatan ve-kol kallah"

Translation: Yet again there shall be heard in the cities of Judah, and in the streets of Jerusalem. The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride.

Benjamin will approach Tali and put her veil on (after confirming her identity, just in case!). The parents and grandparents will then give Tali a bracha, a blessing. This is usually a touching part of the wedding and there may be crying in addition to the high singing energy. An example of a summarized badeken can be found here.

After this, Benjamin will likely be put on the shoulders of one of his friends or family (we don’t have any idea where this tradition originated, but it seems to happen at every Orthodox wedding these days) as they dance him out of the room. Everyone will then head to the wedding hall and take a seat, because it’s time for the ceremony to start!

Part II: Chuppah (AKA the Marriage Ceremony)

The wedding ceremony will take place underneath the chuppah, or wedding canopy. Many people say the chuppah represents the home the bride and groom will build together after they marry, and it creates a beautiful space for the marriage ceremony to take place. The chuppah is both open and closed; although everyone can see the bride and groom, the canopy creates a sacred space where the couple experiences this special moment together. This is especially meaningful to us as we look forward to building our life together along with all of you, who we love and consider central to our lives. Seating at this ceremony will not be gendered – sit wherever you like, aside from the first few rows reserved for immediate family.

The ceremony has several elements. The groom's side enters first. Benjamin's groomsmen will enter followed by Benjamin's brother, Dov, (Sandy Koufax, the Ushman family dog, will be eating a bone in MA), and then his parents will walk Benjamin down the aisle. Upon reaching the chuppah, Ben will put on a kittel. A kittel is a traditional white robe worn to represent purity and is worn for special Jewish events. Upon putting on the kittel, the bride's procession begins. Tali's grandparents will enter followed by her siblings, and then Tali's parents walking Tali.

Once Tali reaches the chuppah, she will circle the groom seven times (you can keep count in your head). This is followed by the ceremonial ring exchange, the reading of the Ketubah (a marriage contract in Aramaic), and the Sheva Brachot (seven blessings each said by a different person). Many Jewish people choose to cover their heads for this ceremony. If you’d like to join in the custom, there will be “kippot” (also known as yarmulkes, signifying G-d's presence) for you to wear and take home as a memento – this is absolutely not required. Rabbi Shafner will be acting as the Mesader Kedushin, officiant of the wedding. He will explain the flow of the chuppah process and provide contextual explanations.

Despite the happiness felt by the bride and groom, Jewish tradition teaches that even in our happiest of times, we need to remember the world is still imperfect. To recognize our pain, we will sing Acheinu, a song that asks G-d to comfort and redeem those held in captivity.

The marriage ceremony will end with a song in Hebrew "Im Eshkachech Yerushalayim," which translates to "If I forget you, Jerusalem" (Psalms 137:5). This verse, as well as the one from Jeremiah we sang earlier, both reference the former glory of Jerusalem when the First Temple still stood (it was destroyed in 586 BCE). We think of those times as representative of an ideal we seek to return to, and absent this, we acknowledge that our joy is inherently diminished.

As you may have noticed, Jewish weddings reference Israel and Jerusalem a lot. It's important to remember that these texts are thousands of years old, and that the Jewish people have used the idealized imagery of Jerusalem and the Land of Israel as reference points for peace, joy, and happiness. These images might feel especially poignant to some people in the crowd at this moment in history.

Benjamin breaks the glass during this song, which is a final symbol of mourning for the destruction of the Temple. We’ll wait for the song to be over, and then… everyone celebrates!

There will be joyous shouting “Mazal Tov!”, singing, and dancing at the end of the marriage ceremony, and guests will dance the couple all the way to the “Yichud” Room, or Seclusion Room, where Tali and Benjamin spend a few moments together to celebrate just between the two of them.

Part III: Reception (AKA DANCE PARTY)

After all this, the wedding reception begins. There will be more food and lots of dancing, but you can start by just finding your seat and eating your appetizer. The first set of dancing will begin after the conclusion of the ceremony, and everyone will cheer when Tali and Benjamin enter the ballroom for the first time as husband and wife. There will be contemporary Hebrew/Jewish music with classic circle dancing (known as the hora) but make no mistake - this dancing will go hard. Expect a lot of jumping, singing, and sweating. Some examples of songs can be found here and the dancing example can be found here. Even if you’ve never done this type of circle dancing before, it’s easy, and you do not need to know the words to any of the songs to fully participate! Throughout this portion, everyone is welcome to take some time to dance with us in the middle of the circle.

This first set and part of the second set of dancing will be divided by gender, with a “Mechitza”, or barrier, between the two sides. We understand that this is potentially one of the more confusing things that you’ll see, but it is out of respect to those who are more stringent in their observance of Jewish law.

Once the first dance set is over, people will return to their seats for the main course. During the meal, various speeches will take place. After you eat, the second dance set will commence. However, it will quickly break into a "shtick” section. Tali and Benjamin will sit facing the guests, who will take turns performing silly dances, referencing inside jokes and family history, and wearing all sorts of random paraphernalia and holding up mementos and signs relevant to Tali and Benjamin. If you have things like old school uniforms, sports team shirts, or other assorted shtick, feel free to bring it! (Some people may even wear a full-body costume, bring their baseball gloves/balls, or bicycles). Everyone gets a turn to go, but beware – it gets a little competitive, and you might need to nudge your way to dance for the groom and bride. Once the shtick portion dwindles down, there will be a parachute dance where Tali and Ben will dance in the middle with alternating family members.

Upon the conclusion of the second dance set, we recite Birkat Hamazon, grace after the meal. Guests will collectively sing Birkat Hamazon. At the end of Birkat Hamazon, the Sheva Brachot (7 blessings) will be given to the bride and groom by different guests. These Sheva Brachot are the same as the ones given under the chuppah. Once Birkat Hamazon is completed, guests will be welcomed to eat dessert.

After dessert, the music will switch to more contemporary dance songs. There will not be a mechtiza in place and guests will choose with whom they dance. The dancing will conclude around 9:00 pm.

And with that, please reach out to us if you have any questions ahead of the big day!

We cannot wait to see you all very soon.

Love,

Tali and Benjamin

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