Taylor and Adrian met on the mighty Atlantic, crossing the sea to visit lands beyond. A storm had blown in from the east. The proud vessel threatened to capsize there and then, violently throwing Taylor into the briny deep. Not a person noticed but the wee lad, Adrian Hanson and of course the wicked, wretched Watery Willy. Adrian actually wasn’t that wee, he was actually pretty big and tough. BUT not as tough as Mr. Willy.

“PLEASE,” said Willy. ”Mr. Willy was my father.”

“I may be wicked, wretched and watery, but I am not the slippery pseudopod that my father was,” Willy said, nonchalantly chewing on the ship’s captain.

The two gentlemen continued to have quite a pleasant conversation about the ship’s weak structure; all while Ms. Timmons’s hair became ensnared around a decaying coral reef, fighting for her dear life.

“oh snap,” said Adrian. The lad who had spent his entire life loving and living the “salt life” knew what he had to do. Call someone else for help.

Bravely, valiantly, Adrian cried out for someone to dive in and save the beautiful, underwater Taylor Timmons. The local gulls were stricken by his warbling cries, and descended into the murk to rescue the fair maiden from her coral prison.

For hours, one by one, each gull dove to the coral below to free her wild mane from the brittle coral. Literally so brittle, Ms. Timmons should have just snapped it off or something. How she survived that long is a true mystery. She is nearly the worst swimmer you’ve ever seen, bad lung strength too.

That’s true, she swims like one of those babies you toss into the pool to teach it to float.

//Time passes.//

Rome, Italy. A weak sunlight filters through the curtains above a metal framed bed. Taylor opens her eyes, waking from her 12 year coma. Across from her, in a beat up wicker chair, Adrian dozes off reading his copy of Infinite Jest and also War and Peace. It was like a double book, like a double feature for books. Really smart guy literature.

From there, the rest is history. Normal things happen like that time they both got lost in a hot air ballon together or that other time when a 100-year flood swept them away — killed them. They leave behind two children. Please donate to our house fund so they have a place to live out their best years as coastal grandmothers.

The ceremony you will be attending has been produced using state-of-the-art hologram technology. One of Taylor and Adrian’s last inventions.