So yes, technically we are an arranged marriage. But here is the real story:

We had never met before getting matched, and yet God was clearly intentional about us crossing paths when we did. I might have once perceived Kevin waiting for the elevator in our senior dorm, but honestly, it could have been any other Asian guy who lived there haha.

Unlike Kevin, I am a Marriage Pact warrior. I have done it every year since freshman year. It was always a joke, and my friends would fill it out together for fun. Every match I had was funny & unrealistic because I either knew them already, or I got a girl because they ran out of guys. So did I expect anything out of this? No. I had pretty much sworn to singleness my senior year of college in order to spend more time with my friends and enjoy my final stretch with the communities I had built. Fun fact: I even rejected someone the day before matches were released, and what I told him was “I’m not looking”. Oops.

So we got our matches on a Monday night. However, this time, it was with a guy I didn’t know named Kevin, and somehow that made it more realistic. It’s typically routine for me to grab a meal with my Marriage Pact match, so I messaged Kevin on Instagram (we already followed each other somehow?? And I had liked his recent posts without knowing who he was haha). We started out just chatting a bit, but that led to a meal at WU (Duke’s premier dining hall that I lowkey miss) upon getting back from Thanksgiving break. It went well, despite our awkward handshake before sitting down.

Ever since I was in middle school or so, my mom encouraged me to start thinking about what types of characteristics I wanted in a future husband. I officially wrote one out in college, and Kevin seemed to fit a lot of them based on our first meal, but my number 1 thing was a genuine love for God, and I just was not sure where Kevin was spiritually. So I invited him to my AIV small group, then our Christmas party, and eventually he asked me on an official date. On that very first date, I felt comfortable enough to share some of my deepest struggles over some great birria tacos and Jeni’s ice cream. Date number two was the Cary Chinese Lantern Festival, and afterwards we watched the movie Princess Mononoke. It was an incredibly boring movie, but fun fact #2, it was by coincidence also the first movie my brother Jeff and my sister-in-law Shelly watched together. Out of all the movies in the world, we both randomly chose that boring one. I thought to myself, maybe it’s a sign haha.

And then Kevin graduated and went home, and I had to take my physics final (tragic timing). He told me he would be back in Durham in February and April, so we kept talking. If it weren’t for those two months in person, I would not have made the decision to continue it. Thankfully, winter break was when I really got to know him. I watched his faith grow in ways that were important to me as I discerned whether to move forward and pursue a relationship. To be transparent, there were moments I felt like cutting things off. It is hard to get to know someone from scratch in the context of dating. I have always expected to date someone I had been friends with for a while first. But the more I prayed, the more I felt God gently nudging me towards continuing.

When Kevin returned to Durham in February, we became official. It probably felt a bit fast for him, but for me, I knew I needed commitment before letting down my (very) high guard. I found myself making these decisions with my head and using logic, but emotionally, I was operating at a slower pace. I knew I loved him, but I did not actually feel in love until after we graduated. Part of that was realizing I struggled to admire or respect the little works he had done to serve God. But I knew his heart had changed, and I was longing to see the fruit.

That season taught me so much about God’s grace and patience. As I extended that grace to Kevin, I began to see the fruit of his transformation. And that was when I knew I was going to marry this man. It wasn’t easy, and we did work through a lot of conflict, as we are SUCH different people and even questioned our compatibility multiple times. Additionally, hard things came up quicker due to the long distance. It’s been quite the journey. I also wanted to take this moment to thank Kevin for the patience he had with me. Sometimes I had no idea what was going on inside me emotionally and wasn’t able to express my love to him well, yet he loved me the way Jesus does, faithfully and steadily, and I am deeply grateful. Kevin makes me feel so cherished and loved every day, and I’m super excited for our future together. (And now I can confidently say that he checks all my boxes, except for being able to sing well…jk).

Looking back, God’s fingerprints are all over our relationship. He brought us together, grew us together, and kept us together. The glue to our relationship was never just our chemistry, shared interests, or how much fun we had together. It was our shared love for Christ and our desire to serve Him. We are two imperfect people coming together under one perfect God, and I feel so blessed to have someone who will sanctify me for the rest of my life.

So our story is actually God’s story. All glory to Him.

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