What is the Vietnamese Engagement/ Tea Ceremony?

The Engagement or Tea Ceremony, named "Lễ Ăn Hỏi" in Vietnamese, is an indispensable part of long-standing wedding traditions in Vietnamese culture. It holds significant meaning, especially in a family-oriented society like Vietnam.

This ceremony involves the groom asking the bride’s family for their blessings for the marriage. The traditional Vietnamese tea ceremony is also an occasion to gather the members of both families and announce the marriage, and for the bride and groom to pay respects to their parents.

While it is strictly ceremonial, the groom’s family brings various gifts, signifying their gratitude and forging a harmonious connection between the two families.

The ceremony is also a family affair, with the guest list consisting mostly of family members alongside a few close friends. While the ceremony generally lasts for only 30 - 60 minutes, a lot of work goes into it. Here are the steps for the Vietnamese wedding tea ceremony:

1. The ceremony begins with the groom’s family going to the bride’s home with gifts. Upon arrival, the groom’s family will enter the house in order of seniority, starting with the elders, the groom himself, and finally the gift carriers, aka groomsmen.

2. As the groom’s family enters, the same order applies to the bride’s maids as they receive the gifts from the corresponding members of the other family. However, the bride herself should not be present yet.

3. Then, a representative from the groom’s family will announce the reason for the ceremony.

4. After the initial greetings, the bride’s family will unwrap the dowry. Once they are approved, one person will lead the bride to meet the groom.

5. The bride and groom will then light incense while some of the gifts are placed on the ancestor altars. The couple shall then bow to their parents, offer them tea, and bow to each other.

6. Before the end of the ceremony, the bride’s family will also present their gifts to the couple and give some of the dowry back to the groom’s family.

7. Lastly, all the family members will have a cosy meal.

In our case, this intimate party will be held at the bride's house on the night before the ceremony (October 3rd). It is similar to the rehearsal dinner in Western culture.

Please watch an example of the tea ceremony using this link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr3L7q-8m0E