Let it be known that this story is told from my (Jakob's) perspective and is sure to be fraught with biases and oversights. I will do my best to paint a true and accurate picture, with Erin correcting me when I fall short. Besides this tale meandering and haphazardly lurching about, it is a journey that ultimately leads to love. This romance shows many traits I admire most about Erin - her ability to repeatedly forgive, care for others, oversee limitations, think critically, and love relentlessly.

I first knew Erin as Samantha’s roommate (Samantha Vermeer is an honorary cousin) at Northwestern College. I digested that information and thought nothing more of Erin for roughly three months. As a notorious “player,” I am sure I pursued numerous other women during this time, while Erin broke up with her high school sweetheart and found a new man in college. We were on separate paths.

During my junior year of college, I decided to lead a Spring Service Partnership with Alyssa Feeley and Mark Vellinga in Mescalero, New Mexico. By chance, Erin happened to sign up for the trip. A team was constructed, and we began to have regular meetings to prepare the group members for what was sure to be a challenging yet fruitful experience on the Mescalero Reservation. My first distinct memory of Erin was at one of these SSP meetings where I stretched out my legs at my seat, promptly knocking her brand-new water bottle off her desk, badly denting it. Erin graciously accepted my awkward apology, and life moved on.

Again, I thought nothing more of Erin until day three of our Spring Service Partnership. Finally, we were down in Mescalero, working with Mescalero Reformed Church, doing manual labor around the property. After spending three hours picking weeds side-by-side, working to make a clear trail down to a fire pit, I texted Joseph saying, “If Erin wasn’t in a relationship, I’d be interested in dating her... she's cute” (or something of the like). Joseph thought that was cool, and the SSP continued.

As we spent ten days in close proximity, I not-so-subtly flirted with Erin. I guess I decided I didn’t care she was dating someone, and I laid on the charm to win her over. I am sure she would deny it to this day, but I think my efforts were rewarded. We sat near each other on the 17-hour drive back to Iowa and chatted the whole way. I am convinced she began to like me on that day.

After arriving back in Orange City, Erin promptly broke up with her boyfriend. To put it nicely, things did not end well, and drama ensued. With the emotional intelligence of a rock, I swooped in and started spending lots of time with and around Erin. More drama ensued. Lesson: give people time to heal from a past relationship before making a move. Yet, Erin and I continued to grow closer, spending time at the library, student center, or her dorm room.

Love was in the air the final few months of the 2022 spring semester at Northwestern College. Erin and I bonded over board games, late-night pick-up basketball games, and the fantastic theatre production, “The Cherry Orchard,” that Dr. Bob Hubbard produced. Erin denies inviting me to watch this play with her, but I must insist she made the first move, asking me out on this "date."

Erin and I continued to be interested in each other, going on many late-night walks. One such walk started at Trinity Reformed Church, and we walked half of the Trinity Trail toward Alton. We came back, laid on a blanket under a starry sky, and I kissed her. I’ll confess that I made the first move here. Erin later told me that my breath smelled bad. Oh, the kind compliments she gives me!

I would say our first “official” date (whatever that means), was April 30. Erin and I went out and got Mexican food at Los Tulipanes. Afterward, we went and watched Samantha perform an opera at Christ Chapel. I remember nothing about this date, but I have a BeReal to prove that date is officially official.

As Erin and I grew in our relationship, we realized our compatibility and interest increased. Unfortunately, the school year was drawing to a close. On Erin’s last day before heading home to Raymond, Minnesota, we went to Oak Grove in Hawarden, Iowa. We hiked and kissed and hiked and kissed - a grand old time. This was also the first day that I told my family about Erin! As we went our separate ways, Erin and I wanted to further the relationship, but we were unsure what that would look like since I would be leaving for a seven-week Summer Of Service in Athens, Greece, working with Helping Hands.

During my second week in Greece, I decided I couldn’t handle long-distance dating. I broke up with Erin.

I executed the break-up poorly, offhandedly shooting Erin a few short WhatsApp texts, figuring we were good to go our own ways in life. Erin was hurt, and I was happy in Greece, watching 3:00 am NBA Finals games while serving and learning from Persian refugees.

It seemed as if the Jakob and Erin experiment was dead. But more was on the horizon! Erin and I had both applied to be Resident Assistants at Northwestern, hoping to be leaders who cultivated healthy living environments. To help initiate these young adults, the Northwestern Residence Life team took their RAs to Cold Water, a wilderness ministry up in the boundary waters of Minnesota. Seeing that the group of RAs had less than forty total members, we were bound to bump into each other. Erin distinctly remembers that we were assigned to the same small group and that it was horrible. I remember nothing of the sort. All I can recall are a few painfully awkward interactions at mealtimes. Both of us claim that the other was more stiff and stand-offish during this retreat.

Back on campus, Beau Risley deserved a shoutout. Beau is a mutual friend who invited us to play the game “Wavelength” with a larger group in the Colenbrander Hall lobby. I like to say that Erin and I “fell back in love” playing Wavelength. More realistically, I just stared at her an oddly large amount.

After the games of Wavelength, Erin invited me on a walk. Erin says this was only to catch up, but I think she was hoping some sort of spark would rekindle a romance. Being the bad boy I was, I had been talking to another girl at the time, but I agreed to go on a late-night walk with Erin. The walk went well, and we both realized we enjoyed each other's presence. The next night, we went on another walk, stopped at Windmill Park, and kissed on a bench underneath a large maple tree.

We both liked each other! Four days later, I left for a study abroad trip in Lupeni, Romania.

The Romania semester was one of the best experiences I have had. Our professor and fearless leader, Dana Bates, is a mentor in my life and someone I admire greatly. I learned a substantial amount about post-communist societies, the beauty of the Eastern Orthodox Church, the difficulties of the Romanian language, and cultural development. When I wasn’t repelling down waterfalls or visiting museums, I was WhatsApp-FaceTiming Erin, working to keep our relationship in a healthy place. We were growing closer even though we were in time zones eight hours apart.

But Romania was not without its flaws. I made a few decisions that negatively impacted Erin, deeply hurting her. To summarize, I was an idiot. Deservedly, Erin put me on a two-week probationary hold (which I did not honor and relentlessly texted her). After Erin prayed and confided in her closest friends (and went on some hikes in the Black Hills), she decided I was worth taking back (something she maybe regrets?). Erin and I struggled and persevered as I slowly earned her trust back.

Our relationship rebounded and was able to grow exponentially. As my return to the States neared, Erin and I felt as close as we ever had. Although we refused to say “the L-word” until we were together in person. When I returned to America, I was welcomed by a group of my dearest friends, Erin included! This was near the end of the 2022 fall semester, and Erin and I began to officially date once again.

One of our most memorable dates from this period was an excursion to Sioux Falls, where we spent the day walking around the frozen falls, perusing local stores, and eating the greatest pizza on earth at MacKenzie River. We braved the elements for this date, driving in treacherous conditions, but it was well worth it. I remember sheepishly explaining to my grandparents that Erin and I were back together when I asked Papa George if I could borrow his truck for a short trip to southeastern South Dakota.

Erin and I then dated until February 8, 2023, when I decided that as a senior in college, I was hot stuff and just wanted to live my own life. I did not need a woman to bog me down. I hoped to enjoy my last few weeks at Northwestern with my friends (and not Erin). This break-up conversation was long and emotionally difficult for Erin. I have the emotional depth of a wooden plank, so for the entirety of the conversation, I just thought about how I wished Erin would leave so I could go to bed. My selfishness was evident to everyone except myself.

In the month of June, in the year 2023, I was looking for a job. I graduated from Northwestern College with a degree in Political Science (which has varying levels of usefulness) and was on the job hunt! One day, after scrolling Indeed and LinkedIn for multiple hours, I hopped on my phone to scroll through Instagram. I have a ten-minute time limit on Instagram, after which the app boots me off. As I browsed the wonders of the Instagram algorithm, I came across Erin’s post about her time in Greece. Just as I had done, Erin was on a Summer Of Service, working with Helping Hand’s refugee ministry in inner-city Athens. I was flipping through her pictures when my allocated Instagram time expired. Annoyed, I went to Snapchat to ask Erin about her experience. Maybe I was lonely, maybe I genuinely wanted to hear about her time in Greece, or maybe something sparked in me and I finally realized that Erin was beautiful, intelligent, and had a very similar worldview to myself. Seeing Erin partnering with a ministry I strongly believed in, loving others as Christ calls us to, and passionately working to further the Kingdom, I realized I was a selfish nitwit.

The first two times Erin and I dated, I was looking for someone perfect. This was asinine, as nobody is perfect. Furthermore, who am I to expect perfection when I am a far, far cry from that myself! I have come to firmly believe that if you are a Christian and find someone who holds the same beliefs as yourself, you can live with that person and love them well for the rest of your life. I had been looking for someone who fit me flawlessly. While that person does not exist, Erin compliments my strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. I recognized that a wonderful, caring, empathetic, God-fearing woman was right in front of me, loving me dearly.

Finally coming to my senses and realizing I loved Erin, I reached out. Erin rejected me.

This was quite reasonable. I had broken up with her twice and did not deserve another chance. Erin told me she had another love interest in Greece and did not have any intention of ever dating me again. I tend to be stubborn, so I refused to take that as the final answer. I made up my mind to win Erin back. I begged and begged, hoping she would welcome me back into her life. She refused.

After many weeks of pleading for Erin to offer me another chance, I began to wear her down. Erin accepted a call from me, and we began to text and Snapchat fairly regularly. During this time, I took a job as an Admissions Counselor at Whitworth University in Spokane, Washington. Erin was still not fully willing to let me back into her life (again, rightfully so), and she refused to explicitly indicate whether she was interested in dating again. I pressured her to tell me what she was thinking, but she would not budge (yet we continued to talk – largely due to the relentless nature of my pursuits).

During my move westward, my dad and I took a detour and camped in Banff National Park in Canada. While here, I pestered my dad about his relationship with my mom, subtly asking him questions like: “Was it hard for you and Mom to get back together after you broke up?” and “Did people judge you when you started dating again?” On our third day in Canada, Erin and I called. Erin was unhappily back in America but finally willing to talk relationships. On the call, I was honest with my feelings, telling Erin that this time would be different – this time I would try – this time I would commit – this time would be for real. I told Erin I liked her. She said, “I like you back.”

The rest is history! Erin flew out to Seattle over Labor Day Weekend (I’m not sure her parents were excited about her spending a few hundred dollars to spend time with a boy who broke up with her twice and moved to the PNW). After picking Erin up from the airport, we headed to Dash Point State Park (a location I would highly recommend for camping), and while standing outside the park bathroom at 1:00 am on September 2, 2023, I asked Erin to date me for the last time. We spent the remainder of the weekend hiking along beaches, crossing Deception Pass, visiting Oma and Opa, exploring Fort Casey, ferrying to the mainland, exploring downtown Seattle, feeding seagulls, adding to the gum wall, walking a shell of Tacoma, and generally having a wonderful time.

We went back to distance, but our relationship continued to grow. Erin and I have lots of long-distance experience and have become excellent communicators, having routine calls and FaceTimes, making sure that we are caring for one another as best as we can 1,300 miles apart.

I flew to Minnesota over Thanksgiving break and had a wonderful time at the Brouwer Thanksgiving hosted by Grandma Brouwer. I greatly enjoyed finally meeting much of Erin’s extended family, although I gave off awkward vibes the whole time. Erin insists I did well. We sneakily checked out engagement rings on the last day of this trip.

I traveled back to the Midwest over Christmas, and we were able to split time between the Brouwer’s and the VanDerWerff’s. I cherish these memories and had a great deal of fun. I told Erin I really enjoyed her family and felt I was beginning to connect with them! Erin gave me a very nice handmade blanket for Christmas that I still use to keep warm on chilly Spokane nights.

Erin flew out to visit Spokane and check out my new stomping grounds the third week of January. We did an awesome hike, I attempted to teach Erin how to ice skate, we thrifted, she met my friends, and Erin was able to visit my church, Colbert Presbyterian. While the weekend was nothing truly spectacular, it sealed the deal for me. I knew I could spend the rest of my life with Erin. I wanted to marry her. A few days after Erin flew back to Iowa, I bought a ring.

Weeks later, I flew to Minnesota to go to a Briston Maroney concert with Erin (don’t do the math on how much money we’ve spent on flights over the past eight months). We spent a day in Minneapolis, where her wonderful aunt and uncle hosted us. After viewing a yellow room, walking in the freezing weather (I am no longer used to Midwest cold), eating overpriced pizza, and going to the concert (Erin and I have vastly different music tastes – Briston is a compromise artist), I drove a sickly Erin back to Raymond, where we spent a few days with her parents. After attending church and watching the Super Bowl, it was time for Erin and me to go back to long-distance dating again.

Erin headed back to class, and I was kindly taxied to the Minneapolis airport by Jason and Kim Brouwer. This was possibly the most excruciating car ride of my life. I knew I wanted to ask Jason and Kim for their blessing on our marriage in person, but I somehow could not muster up the willpower to do so. I meant to ask them thirty minutes into the two-hour drive, but I came up short. I then wanted to ask at the one-hour mark, but my mouth refused to cooperate. Finally, with forty or so minutes left in the drive, I stumbled through a poorly executed statement on how much I loved Erin. I nervously asked Jason and Kim if they would bless this engagement. Shockingly, they said yes, bought me Chick-fil-A, and we had a meaningful conversation about what this next stage of life would look like. I greatly appreciate their guidance.

The next time I saw Erin was March 26. Erin flew to Spokane, and we spent the next day exploring Coeur d’Alene and hiking in the mountains of Idaho. Here, Erin and I had a brief spat. Erin was upset that I was not committing to the relationship. I had created the mirage that I had not bought an engagement ring and would not be proposing anytime soon. This would have eliminated the possibility of getting married directly after Erin graduated from Northwestern. Not wanting to ruin the surprise of a proposal in the upcoming days, I acted as a buffoon, trying to convince Erin that it was cool and okay that I had no ring.

We spent the next day driving to western South Dakota. If you can withstand a twelve-hour drive with your significant other, you can withstand anything. Erin and I enjoyed one another’s presence as we argued about her slow driving in the snow, had car issues, and listened to music that only one of us liked. We made it to the Black Hills and enjoyed time with Grammie, Papa, and my family.

On Good Friday, we set off to hike Black Elk Peak, the highest point between the Rocky Mountains and the Pyrenees of France. The night before, Erin had interpreted a movement my dad made as a signal I would be proposing the next day (Jeff VanDerWerff was doing nothing of the sort, but somehow Erin’s incorrect interpretation was correct). On our drive to the hike, Erin dug through my backpack, looking for who knows what, and I sat nervously by, hoping she would not come upon the ring I had hidden inside. When she began seriously scrounging around, I had to cut her off, making it obvious something important, valuable, and secret was in the REI pack. Thus, the surprise was ruined. Yet we persevered. Blake, Elin, Kara, George, Kate, Reese, Ian, Erin, and I all hiked to Black Elk’s peak, making it past herds of middle schoolers on a field trip and overcoming the icy paths (although my mom’s elbow took a beating through numerous falls).

At the summit, we sat and refreshed our weary bodies with sandwiches, cheese sticks, and apples. After the nutritious meal, I took Erin to the far point of the mountain, pointedly telling her, “You know what’s about to happen.” Amid the flurries, I dropped to one knee on the edge of a cliff (nearly dropping myself off the rocky point I was trying to kneel on) and told Erin I loved her and wanted to marry her. She said yes. Reese, Kate, Elin, and Blake ran over, snapped pictures, hugged us, and the party commenced! We hiked the four or five miles back to the VDW6PAC van and went out for celebratory pizza that night.

Erin and I are still joyfully engaged. I am happy to report that no more break-ups have happened. On December 27, we will get married at the Atrium in Sioux Falls. Oma thoughtfully pointed out that there is some beautiful symbolism to our getting engaged on Good Friday (two days before Jesus’ resurrection) and getting married near Christmas (two days after Jesus’ birth). The symbolism is not lost on me. I hope and pray that Erin and I can faithfully represent God’s love for this world and His Church. My greatest desire is that in our relationship we can bring about His glory, furthering His Kingdom, and reflecting Christ’s light onto the image-bearers we interact with every day!

In the near future, Erin will move to Spokane, eventually pursuing a degree in Speech-Language Pathology at either Washington State University or Eastern Washington University. I am still gainfully employed at Whitworth University; on the side, I am working toward a master’s degree in education, intending to become a high school social studies and English teacher.

If you are reading this, thank you for being a meaningful part of our lives (and congratulations to you for making it through this 3,700-word monstrosity). Erin and I appreciate and love each and every one of you.

Blessings,

Jakob A. VanDerWerff