Can you believe that we grew up in Chicago, went to Tufts University together, knew the same people, were at the same parties, and NEVER met once before 2011?! The stars FINALLY aligned for us in Chicago, on December 27, 2011. Adam was in his first year of medical school and I was finishing up my last year of my Masters in Teaching at Tufts. I was home on break and my friend from Tufts undergrad, Geoanna, had just flown in from L.A. She was attending UIC Medical School and wanted to catch up, since we were both in town for Christmas.

Geoanna invited me to trivia that night at Hawkeye's Bar & Grill. I was so excited to see her! We were rambling on and on, telling each other all about our lives and exchanging details, when all of a sudden Adam showed up. He greeted Geoanna, introduced himself, and then sat right down next to me. I immediately thought, Why me? And why did he sit down? I'm in the middle of an important story about my ex. It's private! Go away! I was kind of confused and thought he was intruding. (You see, back then, I didn't know trivia was generally a large group activity.) Turns out, he was just the first of 5 or more people to show up. As the night went on, he definitely grew on me. He was endearing, handsome, nerdy, and had a great sense of humor, but a deep sensitivity I could see through his thickly veiled sarcasm. One thing led to another and he asked me out at Drum and Monkey...and I said yes!

It was the best first date I could ever remember. He asked me what my favorite food was and we chatted about restaurants I might like. Then, he picked me up at my parents' house and introduced himself to them. Very gentlemanly! He took me to Petterino's, which was such a treat for the Italian lover in me, but so expensive! He was in medical school, probably broke, and I didn't want to break the bank here. I struggled with what to order, which was unusual for me. I am VERY decisive and I know what I want. But here I was stalling, trying to choose between which salad I'd order and whether to order a soft drink or water. It was as if he sensed my internal monologue, when he smiled hopefully and said, "You know you can order whatever you want. Really! Don't worry about the price. My parents gave this gift card for Christmas and said 'spend it on something special.' So, you can get whatever you want. Do you want to pick a bottle of wine?" That was it. He thought I was special. How much more sweet could he be? Meanwhile, his pharmacy friends were texting him conversation starters, because they knew he was so nervous. I was apparently his first real date, post his last relationship. Adam was seriously so sweet and visibly nervous, but it was endearing. Something shifted with us after that moment. After that, I picked a Chilean wine and we just talked and talked...forever! I had a feeling then, or a hope at the very least, this that might be something bigger...

It turned out it was something bigger! Just a few days later, on New Year's Eve, he took a (very EXPENSIVE) cab ride downtown from where his party was just to give me my kiss at midnight. It was the most romantic gesture and an unforgettable moment in our relationship, as we stood there in the street, both wearing purple (not planned!) and smiling like idiots. It was electric and that spark would get us through 3.5 years of long distance!

Something Bigger

We kept in touch throughout the next 3 years and grew closer and closer. He called me every night to wish me sweet dreams and sometimes read his medical text books aloud via Skype to help me fall asleep. I would text him throughout the day and call him between classes sometimes. He asked me to meet his mom a few months later, then his dad, and I asked him to do the same. We invited each other, as a plus one, to ALL our friends' weddings at the time. We'd plan trips to see one another and completely devote our weekends to spending every waking second wrapped up in how blissfully perfect it felt to FINALLY be in the same place. We relished ordinary activities that normal couples probably took for granted. Because we couldn't do them with each other, it was like a treat! Grocery shopping? Sure! Running errands and cooking together? Yay! Shopping for clothing, taking long walks, laundry, etc.? YES! You name it; we loved it. The most special time we shared was when we would visit Tufts, together. Our alma mater is one of our deepest connections, as is Boston in general. Along with enjoying the normalcy long-distance just couldn't afford, we also craved fancy date nights at great restaurants. We both had excellent, refined tastes!

For all the "ups" we had, there were just as many downs. It requires a lot of love, effort, stamina, and will-power to keep a relationship going with thousands of miles between you. Long-distance was the reason for many tears, miscommunications, arguments, and the residual feelings that never quite figured themselves out until we talked face-to-face. Boston to Chicago was tough, but doable. As he neared residency, however, and he started mentioning the Stanford Dual-Residency Program for Internal Medicine and Anesthesia, we both wondered what would happen to us and he didn't have a clear answer...

The Match Day Proposal

Match Day is when med students find out where they will be residents for the next 4-6 years. It's decided by an algorithm that takes the data from how highly hospital programs rank candidates and how highly candidates rank programs, and then POOF! Your life awaits. It's torture and I hated it. That morning, we woke up wide awake and before the alarm went off. As we were getting ready, he shared a blue label bottle of bourbon with his friends and kept the champagne-heavy mimosa's coming for me. We sat through the fancy brunch and chatted with his family and friends, with our minds half into conversations, torn between the possibilities of alternate matches to Boston, Chicago, or Palo Alto. They passed out the envelopes and everyone had to wait until all students received their envelope and then wait through the count down, to open their letters together. His dad had to take the letter, because Adam was such a nervous wreck that he was trying to see through it and pry it open. 10...9....8...(our palms were sweaty, the envelope was wrinkled by now)....7....6.....5..... (we exchange looks and stare at the envelope holding our future) 4....3....2...(This is it...)....1.

He opens it, breathes in deeply, stands up, closes his eyes, faces the ceiling, and spreads his arms wide like an eagle. "HE GOT STANFORD!" His best friend Terrell yells. Adam is thrilled, his friends and family are thrilled, I'm crying and thrilled, too. We hug and he lifts me up and holds me. He did it! I was so proud of him! He goes to congratulate his other friends and his family leaves to go to the next restaurant for the luncheon celebration at Smith & Wollensky. I sat there at the table and suddenly realized everything was about to change. Wait, would I go with him? Should I go with him? My life is in Boston. My almost-perfect job is in Boston. My friends are there, too! But, he's the love of my life. Wait...what if he doesn't ask me to come? What if he doesn't want me to? Is that worse? I start crying for a very different reason, now, and quickly call my mom. She tells me over the phone to stop and let him have his moment. "These things can be figured out later, honey. But this is his day and you're his partner. So, don't cry and don't worry about it, now. Just be happy for him and with him." So, I try. I get into the cab and put my giant sunglasses on and smile and nod as he's saying all the wonderful things he's excited to do and the program he will be a part of.

Adam is simply glowing with pride and it's amazing to see the relief and excitement in his face. Then, the conversation turns and he says "You know, I know you wanted Boston. Part of me did, too. But this is better for us, long term. We'll have so many more options down the line." I nod and smile. "I know you love Boston, but I just....I can't imagine going on this adventure without you. I want you to be with me." I perk up slightly, but then I think, Why? You've said you're not sure about marriage. Then, he says, "Will you marry me?" WHOA. STOP THE CAB-WHAT?! I am floored. Completely surprised. You could have bought me for a nickel. I immediately look for a ring, which would indicate he actually had foresight and this wasn't just the heat of the moment talking. He doesn't skip a beat. "I don't have a ring, yet! But, I do want to marry you. I love you. You're the person I want to move to California and start a life with..." He said more things, but I honestly don't remember much after this, because the shock was pulsating through me. I'm pretty sure I blacked out. I do remember that I said, "No," and he looked so hurt. I said, "Look, I'm giving you an out. You're excited, adrenaline is pumping, you're probably drunk by now! You don't want to feel stuck tomorrow and wake up remembering that the biggest thing in your life happened and then you made the biggest mistake right after, because you were rash. You know? It's okay. You don't have to say it just because you think you have to or I'll be hurt. You get a free pass!" This conversation went back and forth with his best friend Terrell, in the front seat, DYING of laughter the whole time. Adam was getting very upset and so Terrell piped up eventually saying, "Look, he means it Kathleen (Terrell's affectionate nickname for me)! Stop taking his moment away from him. He's been talking about this for months, now. Just say yes and move on!" Absolutely floored, I looked and him with his sincere eyes and finally said yes, and he kissed me with everything he had before announcing it minutes later to his family at the celebration luncheon during his toast. So romantic!

The Second Proposal

Adam wore me down for a week. He said the ring would be shipped, but he really brought it back with him from Chicago and couldn't keep the ring to himself. He started by teasing me with the ring: rubbing the velvet box on me at random times when he gave me hugs, opening and snapping it closed, so I heard the ring box's presence. He even went so far as to set up a decoy box in case I snooped. THEN, he began proposing to me at home while I was in my sweat pants or felt gross and tired. He was proposing late at night, when I looked my worst, in our apartment, during mercury retrograde (for you astrology buffs out there, how much more awful could that timing be?). All the things he did I explicitly said I didn't want, but he did them, because he wanted to propose his way. He finally said in exasperation, "Why can't it just be I love you, you love me, and we want to spend the rest of our lives together? I WANT a life of normal moments like these and I'm proposing to you now, because this is what we have. This is what I love. I want to come home to you and sit on this couch with you every night and know THIS is where we got engaged. Why can't that be enough?!!" Poor guy was starting to lose his excitement. I'm not proud of my response, but I said, "…No, that's a terrible story. It needs to be special! I've dreamt of this my whole life!" After talking with my friends and family about it, they pointed out that he'd shared the ring with them and could barely contain his excitement. I found out later, he almost did it when I picked him up from the airport after his trip to Chicago- that is how excited he was. Consequently, I felt horrible! So, that night I found where he hid the ring (DID NOT OPEN IT). I shoved the box into his chest and explained myself, apologized, and asked him to propose, again...and he said, NO! Hah! I was so shocked and thought I ruined it forever. So, I broke down crying into a blubbering, ugly cry mess, and then he started filming me (which I was unaware of) and said "I'm not proposing, because you're fake crying Kate." This made me WAIL and cry more and I swore I was sincere. I thought I'd hurt him so deeply, until he started laughing at me and then I saw him filming. I was so mad! After giving me a hard time, he finally proposed again, on one knee, in front of the couch, and I said yes, of course. We then wanted to FaceTime our moms right after to tell them the exciting news! :-)