He says he's poor, but won't stop buying bourbon

She says she wants friends, but never leaves her house

Fake coughs for attention

He says he enjoys time with his family, but does an Irish goodbye every time they hang out

He says he is passionate about data analytics, but became a firefighter instead

She says she wants to lose weight, but orders a 6-pack of crumbl cookies every week

She says mama but points at her dad

He says he's listening, but isn't actually

She says she'll never drink again, but continues to order espresso martinis

She says she wants a boyfriend, but is more into the thought of it than actually having one

He says his name is Chase, but it’s actually Larry.