Gone are the days when Emily and Ellen called each other Jupiter Butt and Galaxy Teeth, respectively. They have much meaner nicknames for one another now. 10/10 will kill or die for one another. Favorite activities include ruining their mom's attempts at perfectly nice photos with inappropriate gestures and then complaining about the angles she takes the photos from.

Does anyone know anything about Connor? Hard to say. He's as mysterious as he is handsome, which is really saying something. We know he's funny. We know he cares deeply about those he loves. We just can't figure out who that is exactly.

Amber and Ellen were in the womb together. Not the same womb but adjacent wombs. Wombmates. They were born four weeks apart, in the year of the dragon, so really they've always been together. Though at times oceans separated them, fate has intertwined them. This isn't surprising since Amber can do magic and is likely the embodiment of fate itself. She may or may not know how you will die. She also plays the ukulele.

Greg is one of Taylor's oldest friends. They met on the swim team in high school, and everyday after practice, Taylor asked Greg for a ride home. Eventually those rides home turned into Greg offering Taylor rides to other places, to do other things. Greg could secretly be some kind of elf or Vulcan, because he never gets mad or upset. He's just always there to back you up and use a water cup to steal some Vanilla Coke from the Stockton Rubio's.

In the third grade Ellen transferred to a new school. She arrived while the students were at music or P.E. or something, and so the teacher pointed at the name tags on the desks and asked who Ellen would like to sit by. And Ellen thought, "How the hell should I know, I've never met any of these people." But Ellen had a cool uncle named Kelly so she chose that name. The third grade Kelly turned out to be a girl and a fellow bookworm. They were immediately inseparable. More than 20 years later, Ellen is now Auntie Ellen and she is very glad she chose a seat based on her uncle's name.

Taylor and Dylan started work at Zoho on the same day. Soon they were traveling for work, even if they didn't know exactly what they were supposed to do when they got there. They probably became friends eating pizza late at night in New York City where Spiderman was filmed. Dylan is unsurpassed in his admiration for Shrek and refusal to put up with any petty or trivial bullshit. For these reasons alone, he is a great friend.

Amanda sat down next to Ellen in the counseling office at Lodi High and told Ellen she had pretty eyes. Try as she might, Ellen hasn't been able to get rid of her since. Amanda tells a lot of lies like how old she is (she's only ONE year younger than Ellen) and that she is Ben's sister (it's Ellen). But one thing she is always really on top of (the thing that makes her a really ideal best friend even if she does sometimes look like Michael Jackson) is knowing when it's Joe DeSoto's birthday. It's today. Happy birthday, Joe! Love, Ellen and Amanda.

It's rare when you remember the very first thing someone said upon meeting them. The first thing Taylor ever heard Josh say was to Greg, on their way to a party. "Greg, where the hell are you taking me?" Not long after, Josh moved to Iowa and joined a cult (he didn't realize it was a cult at first). Now he lives in Portland, where he watches Aliens (1986) and Commando (1985) on a weekly basis. Tremendously creative and completely singular, Josh is a unique friend with impeccable deadlift form.

Darcy is good at literally everything she does. She's a perfect human being. It's incredibly annoying. Once the planets are in alignment and Ellen has finished gathering the necessary ingredients, she'll steal all of Darcy's talent and beauty. Ellen will tell you she met Darcy a few years ago at a music festival and they bonded over costumes and gifs and deer farts but this is just an alibi. She's been planning things for much longer...

Taylor met Nick at a comedy open mic night at La Casa Mexican restaurant in Sacramento. They both were the only two guys from Stockton, so that gave them something to talk about. Turns out Nick was the far more talented of the two. Meanwhile, La Casa Mexican restaurant was eventually closed by the health department. On Yelp, one reviewer said they'd rather "jump into traffic" than eat there. Another person said "La Casa? La Caca."

Kylie is the weirdest person you've ever met. She defies description. You need someone to have a serious talk about UFOs with? Kylie. You need a complete family history for every person in Lodi? Kylie. You need reptile advice or an obscure movie reference? Kylie. No one knows how they met her. She arrived into Ellen's life in a fully formed friendship. One day they will be abducted together.

Taylor went to high school with Travis. He was roommates with Travis. He currently works with Travis. Travis is a man of the grill and a slave to sweet treats. He regularly prays at the Iron Church. He has put the French on notice for their ugly cities and mess of a cuisine. He is a man with a great capacity for love. But he is also a man who is hungry, and that makes him very upset.

The first time Ellen went over to Jordan's house, Jordan said, "Do you want to see something?" in a creepy little voice. She then extracted a garden gnome from the bottom drawer of her dresser and said, in the same creepy little voice, "I steal these because I hate them." For Ellen it was love at first sight. She and Jordan will inevitably grow old and die together. Likely in Jordan's car. Going 90 miles per hour down a residential road with a jelly donut smeared across the windshield.

Steven and Ellen went to high school together. They didn't really know each other but Steven hit on her via Myspace anyway. He told her all about the new car he was getting since he'd be getting his license soon. Their Myspace chat didn't lead to a date, but years later they did ride around in that car (which Steven named Consuela) together listening to Lil Wayne and Drake, pretending to be gangsta, so who really won? Not Consuela. RIP Consuela. Fun fact, Ellen was Steven's Groomswoman in his wedding, so this isn't their first rodeo. Second fun fact, Steven's not actually a human, he's a wolf, that's just a snapchat filter.

Sasha and Ellen were in the same writing program, which is where they discovered they had a mutual love of Harry Potter and had never read Faulkner. They also both had generally good childhoods, which meant they didn't have a lot of business writing anything at all. Still, they soldiered on as cheerful, extroverted anomalies in the world of writing, doing their best to occasionally brood and attempt to drink like they meant it and at the end of the program they both graduated, so that means they're really writers now right? Right? Writing this ceremony counts, right???

Ellen and Tommy share their birthdays and once shared a room. They used to share an electric bike as well. Which is not to say that they both had ownership of the bike, but rather that they rode it together. Barreling through the Panhandle in SF at 35 miles per hour, late for work, Ellen helmetless, screaming, riding side-saddle with her feet on the motor, clutching Tommy's bag of knives whilst he sang the Indiana Jones theme at the top of his lungs. They survived but the bike wasn't so lucky. RIP.