We don't even know this person, she just had the same last name as the bride. We heard she lives in New York.

When you look up "Main Character Energy" in the dictionary (which is totally in Websters), you see a picture of LJ. Born at a very young age, LJ is a roller-blading-down-a-hill surviver, a musical genius, and a cat-whisperer. LJ buys candy in bulk, however avoids red meat. It's called health, okay, you wouldn't get it. The only beef that LJ has is with Shawn White so please do not mention his name - he's scared of her and it's a sensitive topic. LJ is the life of the party, has an excellent faux-British accent, and we have no doubt she will be kicking off the dance floor with an aggressively long conga line.

One word: dog mom. Once the leader of the "dogs are cool but we don't need to stop to pet that one" movement, Claire has been converted into an avid canine lover. Please ask her for pictures of Runi. Claire is sparkly, bubbly, classy, well-dressed, and effervescent, so it's no surprise that this girl is happiest with a glass of champagne in her hand. Bonus points if it's Ruinart. She may be an Andre, but she's certainly TOP SHELF. No frat juice for this gal. We know that looks aren't everything, but she has them just in case. Her preferred pronoun is "your majesty," please address her as such. Claire has volunteered to sing us a solo song during our wedding dinner, so tell her thank you. We've heard it's "Ave Maria," but it may still be up in the air.

When she is not ascending Mt Kilimanjaro (what, like it's hard?), Justine is romping around with Sky the ball-obsessed boarder collie in Tahoe. Seriously, if you don't throw the ball, you will not hear the end of it....THROW. THE. BALL. Anywho, Justine is a sporty spice vegan who sometimes eats spicy chicken wings when Kate is in town. But no one saw so it doesn't count. If you need a buddy for the slopes, the mountains, or anything that Bear Grylls would be into, Justine is your gal!

Born a woodland elf in the mountains of Washington, Julianne was accepted to Cal Berkeley on a "Vanilla Ice's Mythical Creatures Scholarship" where she met Kate at Freshman year rush. Go Pi Phi. Julianne is now mostly human, but you can still see traces of her elvish past in her incredibly tiny ears. If you ask her nicely, she will sing you an Elf song at the wedding.

Born Chrysanthemum Fire Breather Sun Ray in a commune called "The Lair," Haley Trap is an accomplished professional in Montana, a Cross-Fit coach, and has two tickets to the gun show. Much like mitochondria, Haley Trizaaap is the powerhouse of this cell-ebration. She once lost a spelling bee due to her inability to spell the word "Fate" so please do not quiz her. Haley is so indecisive, it's still unclear if she'll be flying to Italy or decide last minute to fly to Bali. Please do not ask her to arm wrestle at the wedding. You will lose.

Emel, a Chico resident, loves two things: a good burger, and people named Christian. Emel's husband is Christian, her son is named Christian, her dog is named Christian, and her childhood pet tarantula was named Chrissy (full name: Christian). You can find this sweet, kind, caring gal getting down to surprisingly vulgar Bay Area rap, but don't let her dainty exterior fool you: Emel is a lady ho$$ who will probably end up the Queen of a small island nation one day. No wonder she was president of Pi Phi at UC Berkeley!

Chelsea is a rebel. She sometimes washes her whites with her darks and she never reads software licensing agreements -- she just taps "agrees". She enjoys long walks on the beach with the destroyer-of-dog-toys Sandy (appropriately named as she is a San Diego canine) and playing beer pong with tiny T-Rex arms. As the most directionally challenged person we know, please help Chelsea make it to Villa Eva if you see her wandering, confused, around Ravello. We may put an air tag on her for the weekend. Chelsea is the bravest chick West of the Mississippi - she is scared of nothing except fruit. Please do not present her with any bananas on August 3, we need her in the wedding.

If poodles could transform into humans, they would become Carolyn Ratner. But really fast poodles, because Caro walks at a CHEETAH pace. This spunky gal is a connoisseur of Whispering Angel rosé and moonlights as a Go-Go dancer on Tuesdays at Roxy's in TriBeCa, NYC. She refuses to dance to anything but Dua Lipa. This sassy, classy, and bad-assy lady is not always sarcastic - sometimes she's sleeping. She is an avid snow bunny skiier but much more inclined to the apres-ski. You can often find her with food on her face. Don't tell her, she wants it there.

Fluent in Russian, German, Yiddish, and Klingon, Masha (Mash-Potato), is a part-time pizza maker, full-time San Diegan, and ex-child. She loves pilates, hiking to the grocery store, and her parents are Borat. Yes, both of them. As a recovering goth, Masha's favorite color is black and is struggling with the fact that someone is forcing her into blue for this wedding. The horror!! She runs a doggy day spa on the beach with her fiancé Bennett and her one true love, her dog Socks. Masha's favorite topic of conversation is Star Trek.