Inclusive Alternatives to "You May Kiss the Bride"

The most iconic phrase in the wedding ceremony is "I do," but in a close second is, "You may now kiss the bride." These words close out many wedding ceremonies, but what if this phrasing doesn't apply to you? What's an alternative to "You may kiss the bride?" Today, there are numerous alternatives that feel more inclusive and welcoming to all types of couples. Whether you want something that skips over gender norms altogether or you're looking for more egalitarian wording, the options can cover every type of celebration.

Find an officiant on The Knot Vendor Marketplace to help with ceremony wording that feels authentic to you and your partner. As you're navigating the classic ceremony phrasing and looking for alternatives to, "You may now kiss the bride," here's a bit of history behind the phrase and what wedding experts suggest you use instead.

In this article:

• "You May Kiss the Bride" Meaning
• Who Typically Says "You May Now Kiss the Bride?"
• "You May Now Kiss the Bride" Origin
• "You May Now Kiss the Bride" Alternatives

"You May Kiss the Bride" Meaning

"You may kiss the bride" is typically the pinnacle moment in the ceremony, shortly after the couple has said their vows, and immediately following the moment the officiant pronounces the couple married. "The kiss moment is the exclamation point on the ceremony, the same way it's the biggest moment in a rom-com. That kiss seals the deal after all of the rigmarole of the ceremony and wedding planning," says Christopher Shelley, wedding celebrant at Illuminating Ceremonies in New York City. He adds, "Even officiants move out of the way before they even say the phrase, so they are not in the background of the kiss photo."

Who Typically Says "You May Now Kiss the Bride?"

The officiant typically says, "You may now kiss the bride," giving the couple permission to go in for a smooch that seals their matrimony. The officiant may be someone that the couple found through their venue, they could be a friend or relative or they may be a religious leader.

"You May Now Kiss the Bride" Origin

While there are many theories about why officiants say, "You may now kiss the bride," it's generally accepted that the tradition was born out of old-world Catholic ceremonies. During these celebrations, a "kiss of peace" was passed from the priest to the groom and then to the bride. Once the groom had the "kiss of peace," the priest would give him permission to kiss the bride.

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"There are some versions of the Bible that specify a married couple must kiss each other for their two souls to truly become one," says Joanna Miller, founder of Married by Miller in Washington, DC. This tradition persisted for centuries, but it wasn't necessarily supposed to be a moment of passion. "In the old days—19th century and before—marriage was essentially a business transaction between two families. The groom wouldn't even see the bride until she walked down the aisle and someone removed the veil blocking her face," Shelley says. He explains that the officiant saying, "You may kiss the bride" was permission to kiss the bride for the very first time.

"You May Now Kiss the Bride" Alternatives

Today, many couples feel that "you may now kiss the bride" should go the way of other antiquated wedding traditions, for example, carrying the bride over the threshold or giving the bride away. It doesn't necessarily feel relevant in today's society, where couples are seen as equals or they may not fit the mold of bride and groom.

Plus, there are vestiges of the patriarchy left over in the idea that the groom gets to kiss the bride to seal the marriage. "Many of my couples bring a more modern sensibility to their weddings and struggle with the patriarchal undertones present in a traditional wedding ceremony. They may get tripped up with how to adjust the language to feel more authentic to them," says Jenny McDonough, principal at Stargazed Weddings and Events based in Aspen, Colorado.

But, luckily, wedding officiants have several ideas for "You may now kiss the bride" alternatives. "I specialize in couples the wedding industry calls 'nontraditional.' I never say 'kiss the bride' in the first draft of ceremonies and instead say 'you may kiss,'" Miller says. Try one of these alternatives during your ceremony.

• You may now kiss.
• You may kiss your spouse.
• You may kiss [first name].
• You may kiss your true love.
• You may kiss your soulmate.
• You may kiss your better half.
• You may now kiss each other.
• Now kiss!
• Now share your first married kiss.
• Now seal your love with a kiss.
• Now celebrate with a kiss!
• Now begin your new chapter with a kiss.
• Seal this marriage with a kiss.
• Seal your vows with a kiss.
• Seal your commitment with a kiss.
• Why don't you kiss? That's what everyone wants to see!

And, as a complete 180 from the kissing of the bride, Shelley says that couples don't have to lock lips at all. "If any couples are not comfortable kissing in public, they can simply skip over the permission for PDA and just announce that they are now married, followed by the recession."