Your Handy, Expert-Backed Guide to Engagement Party Etiquette

The purpose of planning an engagement party can be threefold: to share the news of your imminent union with future wedding guests, to introduce your families to each other and to celebrate your impending nuptials. And if you're thinking of throwing one (though they are optional), engagement party etiquette is important to keep in mind. That's why we spoke with Sara Kovel of Sara Kovel Events, a Boston-based luxury wedding and events planner, to get some insight into the ins and outs of engagement party protocol. Before you gather with loved ones and enjoy some time together ahead of the rush of wedding planning, scroll below to find answers to your most burning questions around etiquette for an engagement party. But don't worry too much, because according to Kovel: "What makes it successful is having all of your favorite people around the two of you to celebrate this exciting time in your lives!"

When should an engagement party occur?

The window of time to throw an engagement party is no later than three months after the big announcement. While an impromptu family gathering the weekend after your partner proposes is the perfect opportunity to break out the champagne, we don't recommend scheduling an all-out affair during the first month of your engagement. You and your future spouse both need some time to revel in just being engaged. Plan to have an engagement party two to three months after the question is popped. That gives you the chance to envision your eventual wedding (our app can help with that!)—a crucial element to consider when deciding on engagement party theme ideas.

Who throws the engagement party?

In today's day and age, close friends and family members host the engagement party—Kovel even notes that she's seen couples ignore the "who hosts the engagement party?" question altogether and throw their own celebratory bashes. Traditionally, if the couple identifies as bride and groom, the bride's parents host the gathering, but the groom's parents can later throw their own party. Or both sets of parents can come together to take charge of the fete when deliberating over who gives the engagement party and who pays for an engagement party.

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Who's invited to an engagement party?

One of the most important rules when it comes to determining what's the etiquette for engagement parties: Everyone who's invited to the engagement party should ultimately be invited to the wedding. Otherwise, guests might wonder what they did at the engagement party to insult you. That's why it's essential to start thinking about your wedding guest list before sending engagement party invitations—or just keep your engagement party invite list to your closest loved ones who will definitely be invited to the big day.

That said, if you decide on a very small wedding, destination wedding or elopement, but you want to throw an extravagant engagement party, go for it. Just be sure to let people know that the wedding will be intimate during your engagement party planning so no feelings will be hurt when guests aren't invited. If you're worried your friends will think you want to have a big bash solely to garner gifts, include a note in the invitation that requests no presents.

Where does an engagement party take place?

Typically, engagement parties take place at the host's home, but they can also take place at other event spaces including restaurants, bars, banquet halls, country clubs or hotels. It all depends on the size of your guest list and your host's budget. Kovel also suggests: "a private sunset harbor cruise or buyout of your favorite date night restaurant." She says: "I've had a couple host a 'Sunday funday' brunch at a rooftop restaurant. Think beyond the typical cocktail party and make it personal." If you're considering booking an event space for this prewedding party, we recommend choosing an all-inclusive venue where catering and other services are bundled in to make the planning process more streamlined.

Should engagement party invitations be printed or are online invitations okay?

While paper invitations are a must for the big day, you can opt for either print or digital invitations for an engagement party. "I think this should align with the formality of the party," says Koval. "Formal invitations never go out of style, but if you are throwing a more casual party, then something digital works." No matter what kind of engagement party invitations you go for, we do recommend setting up an online RSVP so your guests can easily reply. (And don't forget to send some engagement party thank-you notes on the other end, too.)

Can we have more than one engagement party?

A newly engaged couple can certainly have two (or more) engagement parties. If the couple's sets of parents live in different areas, they can each host their own engagement party in their home base. Or, you could have a family focused engagement party as well as a more raucous one for friends. The only caveat: Guests shouldn't be invited to more than one engagement party (except for your closest family members, like parents and siblings—you know, the folks that you'll thank in your engagement party speech).

Should we hire a professional party planner?

While enlisting a pro for a small, backyard affair probably isn't necessary, an event planner can definitely make the party process go more smoothly. Plus, it can also make this initial celebration fall in line with the vibe you'd like for your big day and get your vendor research off the ground early. "A planner can help navigate all of the details for you and introduce you to potential wedding vendors very early on," says Kovel. "This early connection with your vendors makes the wedding that much more cohesive!"

Are engagement party gifts required? Should we create a registry before the party?

While guests haven't brought presents to an engagement party traditionally, increasing numbers do so today, so it's only fair to provide some guest-etiquette guidance for them. However, it's not necessary to set up a registry for engagement party gifts. Instead, try to set up your wedding registry shortly after getting engaged, focusing on gifts in the low to middle range—a $500 cappuccino maker is not your typical engagement present. You can put the registry information on your wedding website, which we also recommend setting up ASAP. If some guests arrive bearing gifts, just be sure you unwrap them after the party or away from the crowd, so people who come empty handed won't feel uncomfortable.

What if our parents are meeting for the first time at the engagement party?

An engagement party might be the first time your parents and your in-laws are meeting face to face. If at all possible, try to schedule their first introduction for before the party—perhaps with a quiet lunch or cocktail hour at home. Your parents will likely be somewhat distracted greeting and mingling with loved ones during the engagement party, so setting up a special time for them to focus on getting to know their future in-laws is preferred.

Who gives engagement party toasts?

Toasts aren't necessary, but if the host or hosts would like to make a short engagement party speech congratulating the happy couple, they certainly may. The couple may also choose to give a speech, thanking guests for attending.

Should an engagement party be formal or casual?

An engagement party can be either formal or casual, depending on the couple's preferences. "I think it should reflect who you are as a couple," says Kovel. "If black tie is your vibe, then lean into a more formal affair, but if you are more comfortable with a casual setting, then maybe your favorite pub is the perfect fit." Every host wants to plan an unforgettable affair, but you never want to upstage the main event. Try to create a different mood for the engagement party while maintaining your own style. You won't want to force a casual cookout if you (and your guests) favor formal parties and vice versa. But if your guests are up to it, set apart a black-tie affair with a sit-on-the-floor, buffet-style engagement bash; preview a semiformal daytime wedding with a swanky cocktail party, ties optional; or balance a destination wedding with a home-cooked dinner party.

Since the engagement party custom was actually designed to help you start building bridges between your families, consider their style. If one of you has a very-formal family, an impromptu picnic in the park might not be the most appropriate setting for getting to know one another. Likewise, a five-course, sit-down dinner attended by all your friends might be a bit intimidating for them. Settle nerves by including as many people from their side as you can reasonably accommodate.

Should we buy gifts for the engagement party hosts?

No matter who's hosting your engagement party, we highly recommend giving them a handwritten thank-you note to show your appreciation. You might also consider buying a small gift to say thanks, though anything too expensive or too over-the-top is not necessary.

What's an appropriate dress code for an engagement party?

Most of the time, engagement parties are pretty low-key, so upscale casual attire is usually a safe bet. However, if you're confused about what to wear, ask the host for suggestions.

Are engagement parties tacky?

Engagement parties are definitely not tacky. The only thing that could be considered bad engagement party etiquette is requesting gifts outright instead of letting your guests opt in or out of presents.

Cathryn Haight contributed to this story.