Planning an Engagement Party 101: Everything You Need to Know

It's the first of many special events to come—here's how to make it happen.
simone hill the knot wedding planning and style expert
Simone Hill
simone hill the knot wedding planning and style expert
Simone Hill
Wedding Planning and Style Expert
  • Simone Hill is a Technical Product Owner for Estée Lauder Companies.
  • A former editor for The Knot, Simone has experience in web development and editorial writing.
  • Simone has a Master of Business Administration degree from Columbia Business School.
Updated May 31, 2022
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First and foremost, congratulations! We're so happy for you and your partner. Now that the proposal's out of the way, it's time to start thinking about something else that's important—we're talking about planning your engagement party. While you don't want to take anything away from the actual wedding day, your engagement party is a great opportunity to practice or develop some useful event planning skills. Similar to the big event, you'll want to locate a venue, choose a date, create a guest list, send invitations, decide on a menu, and stick to a budget.

Not sure where to start or exactly what to do? No problem—we've got all the answers on how (and when) to plan an engagement party. Just follow these 11 steps and you'll be well on your way to celebrating the big news with your nearest and dearest.

Step 1. Figure out who'll host.

Want to throw your own engagement party? Go for it! Traditionally, the bride's parents host, but these days it's entirely appropriate for anyone close to the happy couple to take on this role, or for several people (say, both sets of parents) to host jointly. There's really no right or wrong when it comes to how to plan an engagement party. You can also have more than one engagement party hosted by different people. So there's no need to stress if your parents want to throw a formal event just for family, while you might like to host something more casual for your friends. Two parties might also make sense if you live in a different city from your families. Hosting duties usually include sending the invites, making a toast and paying for the party, so whoever decides to take on the task should keep that in mind.

Step 2. Take some time to breathe—and then set a date.

Whether you or someone else ultimately hosts this fun event, you are probably wondering when to have an engagement party. Once again, there's no right or wrong answer. Obviously, you need to factor in your host's schedule if you're not self-hosting the event. Also, you might want to factor in guest availability –– particularly for close friends and family who might need to travel from out of town to be a part of it. Perhaps more than anything, we recommend that you try to figure out when the party would be most enjoyable for you.

Depending on the length of your engagement, you might throw a party anywhere from a few weeks after the proposal to six months into wedding planning. While an intimate and impromptu family gathering the weekend after the proposal is the perfect opportunity to break out the bubbly, don't schedule an all-out opulent affair the first month. Give yourself some time to revel in your newly engaged status and absorb the fact you're getting married before you jump into planning your first party. Waiting also gives you time to envision the guest list size, style and location of your wedding, which will help when deciding on the type of event you want to throw for the engagement party.

Step 3. Determine the budget.

it. If you are hosting, be careful not to blow your entire wedding budget on this one pre-wedding event. If someone else is hosting, you may have a little more flexibility –– but be careful to respect their generosity and discuss some solid numbers up front.

Detailed budgets aren't just for the wedding, and this will give you a chance to practice crunching those numbers. Even if you're having a very low-key event, a budget is still a good idea, because you (or whoever's hosting) will want to have a sense of what's realistic to spend. Knowing your budget will also help you narrow down venue ideas and decide on the number of engagement party guests you can invite.

Step 4. Pick a place that matches the formality.

When it comes to planning an engagement party, one of the most important decisions is where to host it. A restaurant or home is a classic choice for an engagement party, but there's no reason you have to limit yourself to those two options, and any spot—from an art gallery to a beach—is fair game. Just like the wedding venue, the place you pick should speak to the formality of the party you want to throw, so if you're thinking casual, your backyard or a local park could be a great option. Or, perhaps a friend or family member has the perfect place to throw a party. For something more formal, you might look into a country club or hotel rooftop.

As you decide on the venue and formality, keep in mind: You never want to upstage the actual big day, so try to create a different mood for the engagement party—maybe you balance a destination wedding with a home-cooked dinner party or set apart a black-tie ballroom affair with a sit-on-the-floor, buffet-style engagement bash. Think of this as a fun launch to what's sure to be an amazing and memorable period of your life.

Step 5. Get the guest list together and decide who to invite.

If you're wondering "Who do I invite to this engagement party?" just know that there are no rules, except this important etiquette tip: Any guest invited to your engagement party should also be invited to your wedding. That means you should think about the size of your wedding before you set your guest list for the engagement party—you wouldn't want to have a 100-person engagement party if you're planning an intimate 50-person wedding. If you don't have a sense for your wedding guest list yet (and that's okay) just keep it small with only your closest friends and family to make sure you avoid any hurt feelings later on.

The guest list to your engagement party will also depend on the amount of space available, your party budget and who is planning the party. For example, if your parents are planning the bash and covering the cost, it's probably appropriate to let them help you decide the guest list. If you already have a space picked out for the party -- such as a local restaurant, a friend's house or your backyard -- space limitations may help you cull your list. Also, consider who lives in town or within driving distance of the venue.

Step 6. Send out engagement party invites with plenty of lead time.

For the best engagement party attendance, let your guests know the date as soon as possible. Just like with the venue, your invites should match the formality of the event you're planning. E-vites with a summertime theme are totally appropriate for a backyard cookout, but for a sit-down dinner at a chic restaurant, you should consider a paper invite. Naturally, we love The Knot Invitation for engagement party invitation options (think: all budgets, all styles.) Or if you've chosen your wedding invitation designer already, see if they'll give you a special rate. And don't worry if you haven't settled on a color palette yet—your engagement party invites don't need to match the rest of your stationery.

Send out the invites at least a month in advance (six weeks ahead if a lot of guests are coming from out of town). There's no need for a formal save-the-date, but once you've pinned down the day, it's a good idea to let guests know by word of mouth before you send out the formal invites. Your stationery can also double as engagement announcement cards.

Step 7. Decide on a menu.

Another important element when planning an engagement party is, of course, the food. You certainly don't have to serve a five-course sit-down dinner with an open bar (unless you want to), but there should definitely be something to munch and sip on at your party. Anything from passed appetizers or tasting menu stations to an eat-when-you-want cookout will work. If you're not serving a full course, you should pick a time in between typical meals and make it clear on the invitation, so your guests know what to expect. For example: "Join us in celebrating Alex and Taylor's engagement with desserts and champagne." We love the idea of an afternoon affair with a chip-and-dip bar and margaritas or a brunch-time omelet station and mimosas. Another fun engagement party idea: Add some personalization to the food and drink by featuring cuisine from a memorable date or vacation, such as sushi rolls and sake-tinis for a Japanese-inspired menu. This is a great time to introduce some of your favorite foods to your loved ones.

Step 8. Think about décor.

Give the décor some thought, but don't overthink it. You don't have to match the style or colors of your wedding perfectly, or even at all, for your engagement party. When in doubt keep it simple—a bunch of fresh or paper flowers will instantly perk up any space. You can work with a florist to have them make a few small arrangements, but this is also a great time to try your hand at some DIY projects too. Want to look beyond flowers? Dress up the tables with colorful fabric, an assortment of votive candles or a few accents that hint at your wedding theme, like seashells for beach nuptials. The Knot Wedding Shop is chock-full of cute and affordable party decorations.

Step 9. Come up with a gift strategy.

Unlike the bridal shower and the eventual wedding, gifts aren't necessarily given for the engagement party. That said there's always a chance you'll get some anyway. If you're hoping to receive gifts for your engagement party, then this would be a great time to start building your wedding registry so that you can add a link to your wedding website on your invite. If you prefer guests not bring gifts or want to suggest a favorite charity they can donate to in lieu of presents, a polite note on the invitation will make it clear. On the day of, if guests do end up bringing gifts to the party, find a discreet and secure place to put them, so guests who come empty-handed don't feel uncomfortable.

Step 10. Assign day-of duties.

These days, it's not unheard of to hire a photographer or even a videographer or coordinator for a more elaborate engagement soiree. You definitely don't have to do that, but you may need to enlist a few friends and family to help out with tasks like setting up, collecting gifts, facilitating games and taking photos. Figure out ahead of time who would be good at what and ask if people wouldn't mind lending a hand so you can focus on mingling with guests.

Step 11. Prepare to dress the part.

Your first party as an engaged couple deserves special outfits. As you shop for something new (or raid your closet), keep the party setting and venue in mind. For a bride-to-be, aside from the obvious (don't wear a long, beaded evening gown to a casual backyard bash), select something that won't outdo your wedding look but is special enough that you'll still stand out from your guests. A sundress will work for an outdoor affair, or for a fancier fete, a cocktail dress is a safe bet. And for a groom-to-be, while you don't have to don a suit and tie (and certainly not a tux)—unless the venue calls for it—you should match your partner's level of formality. Also remember the many other pre-wedding celebrations you'll have to get dressed for ahead, from the bridal shower to the rehearsal dinner. With those in mind, now might be the perfect time to sign up for a special program. Rent the Runway offers a styling package for all your pre-wedding events—score designer outfits below retail price (plus fashion consultations) through their Wedding Concierge Service.

Engagement party planning doesn't need to be stressful. If you enjoy planning parties, take charge and make it a blast! If you're not so excited at the prospect, take up someone else's offer to host this signature pre-wedding event.

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