Do You Need to Bring a Gift to an Engagement Party? Read Our Etiquette Advice

When a friend or family member gets engaged, it's exciting to celebrate their big moment. But it can also raise questions about guest expectations, starting with engagement party gift etiquette. You might be wondering, "Do you bring a gift to an engagement party?" Unlike bridal showers and weddings, where gifts are common knowledge, engagement parties fall into a bit of a gray area. As a gifting editor, I've never shown up empty-handed, but is that the norm—or just my thing? To clear things up, (and maybe save my wallet) we spoke with etiquette expert Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute, to learn if gifts are expected at an engagement party.

In this article:

• Are gifts expected at an engagement party?
• How do you know if you should bring an engagement gift?
• Should you bring the gift to the engagement party?

Are gifts expected at an engagement party?

To put it simply, you're not required to bring a gift to an engagement party, so don't feel embarrassed if you show up without one. "When it comes to an engagement party, 90% of the time, it's totally an up-to-you option," says Post. "There are regions, groups of friends and occasions where it ends up happening, but it's not mandatory or expected the way that if you threw a shower—which is a party all about gift giving—it would be expected."

That said, it's definitely not bad etiquette if you choose to give a gift at an engagement party. This early in the wedding journey a couple probably hasn't set up their wedding registry, though. "I would suggest something small and sentimental or just delightfully congratulatory," says Post. "I'm a really big fan of the engraved picture frame. I think a lot of people do engagement photos these days, so having something for them to actually put those printed photos in I think is really nice." Other great engagement party gift ideas to consider: a bottle of champagne, a candle or a helpful planning journal.

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Still not sure if you want to take a present to an upcoming engagement party? Keep reading for even more decisive tips.

How do you know if you should bring an engagement gift?

To bring or not to bring an engagement gift, that is the question. As mentioned, engagement gifts are traditionally not expected. However, if you're still wondering if you should bring a gift, consider things like the event's formality, who's hosting and if there are other wedding-related events you're attending. We've got more guidance below.

1. The formality of the event

If your friend just got engaged and texted you about impromptu celebratory drinks at a local bar next weekend, you probably don't need to come bearing gifts. A gesture of congratulations, like a cute ring dish or a nice card, wouldn't be out of place. But don't worry about schlepping a toaster oven to drinks. The invite is casual, so the party will be too.

If an engagement party is giving off more formal vibes—like you received a custom snail mail invite for a cocktail party at a snazzy venue and you know the couple's parents will be greeting guests at the door (AKA taking note of who brings what)—it wouldn't hurt to ask around to see what other close friends and family members are planning. While gifts are still not necessary, if you want to bring one and it's within your budget, this would be the occasion.

2. Who's hosting

If the venue is laid-back, like a bar, restaurant or park, and the party isn't being hosted at someone's home, that's a good indication the event will be relatively low-key. It also means you'll probably be paying for your own meal or drinks. If you're opening your wallet at a party, you're usually not expected to bring a gift. But what if there is a host? Post says the only time the host should influence your decision to bring a gift to an engagement party is if they're a close friend or family member, where gifts are commonplace within that group. Otherwise, it's still a no.

3. If your budget allows

On a tight budget? Take some pressure off and know you're not obligated to bring a gift, even if it's a formal event. "At Emily Post, we will always say that gift giving is dependent on your personal budget. You don't have to pay for your plate. You don't have to reach a certain threshold. It's really and truly whatever's going to work for you," says Post. Remember, you'll have an opportunity to give a gift at other events, including the couple's shower and wedding. If you hate showing up empty handed, you can consider dividing your overall gift budget to accommodate something for each event. Otherwise, go ahead and save your funds for later. Remember, the main thing the couple wants is for you to congratulate them and share in their happiness. A thoughtful, handwritten card always does the trick without breaking the bank.

4. Whether or not you can make it to the wedding

Engagement parties usually happen early in the wedding journey, so the couple probably hasn't set a date yet—meaning your attendance is still up in the air. If you're certain nothing will stop you from attending the wedding, refer back to point three. Only give an engagement gift if your budget and personal preference allow it. Remember, you'll have another chance to show your love with a gift at the wedding. If you suspect you won't be able to attend, don't give an engagement gift as a substitute for your wedding gift. It's best to wait until you get the official invite, so if you do end up RSVPing no, you can choose something from their registry that you know they want.

5. If they ask you not to

The happy couple might be very vocal about having a giftless engagement party. If the engagement party invitations, their website or their loved ones personally ask everyone to refrain from bringing presents, you're off the hook.

Should you bring the gift to the engagement party?

If you plan on purchasing a gift for the newly engaged couple, you should bring the gift to the engagement party. Engagement gifts are typically on the smaller side and can be easily given to the couple during the festivities. If you're planning on giving the couple a larger gift, you can send it beforehand, so the couple (and you) don' t have to worry about transporting it if the party is not at their home.

We can't stress this enough, though: A grand gesture isn't necessary. You can save the gift-giving for the wedding or other future celebrations. All you need to bring to an engagement party is your positive energy and heartfelt congratulations.