Do You Have to Have a Bridal Shower? The Experts Weigh In

Congrats! You have a shiny new ring and the love of your life by your side. But as you pick out a wedding date and make your ever-growing wedding to-do list, you might wonder: Do you have to have a bridal shower? A bridal shower is a traditional prewedding event to celebrate the bride, which typically involves "showering" them in gifts. But some to-be-weds don't love the idea of being showered, or don't have the bandwidth for it, and that's totally okay! We talked to the experts about everything you need to know about whether a bridal shower is necessary, including alternative bridal shower ideas and tips on communicating with loved ones that you want to skip it.

In this article:

• Do You Have to Have a Bridal Shower?
• Reasons to Not Have a Bridal Shower
• Bridal Shower Alternatives
• How to Politely Tell Loved Ones You Don't Want a Traditional Bridal Shower

Do You Have to Have a Bridal Shower?

If you don't want to have a bridal shower, you don't have to have one! "We have to remember that the point of getting married is to commit to your best friend who you want to spend the rest of your days building an amazing life with, and the wedding is the union and celebration of that," says Amanda Hudes, wedding planner and founder of Smiling Through Chaos based in Scotch Plains, New Jersey. "A bridal shower is an extra, sharing the joy you're feeling while getting excited for the big day."

There's no reason to spend time and money on such an extra if it doesn't feel like a fit for you. And if you're worried about offending loved ones, don't be: Choosing not to have a bridal shower is far from rude, says etiquette expert Elaine Swann. "Bridal showers are a tradition, not a requirement," she explains. "Etiquette is about being thoughtful, not following every trend. What matters most is that your celebration reflects you, not a checklist."

Reasons to Not Have a Bridal Shower

If you're a bridal shower fence-sitter, you might be wondering: Should I have a bridal shower? Some nearlyweds prefer them because they give them a chance to see and celebrate with their closest friends and family (if that's you, make sure you're short and sweet with your bridal shower registry wording on invites!). Others opt out of them because of time, comfort level or even personal preference, Swann says. If any of the reasons below resonate with you, you might want to opt out.

You Think It Will Be Boring

Bridal showers have gained a reputation as being "boring," Hudes says. Although this doesn't have to be the case, she adds, "the idea of opening presents and playing wedding games while having small talk with people you barely know doesn't get people super pumped." If you count yourself among them, you might want to consider an alternative bridal shower idea based around another activity instead.

You Don't Want to Open Gifts in Front of Others

Calling all introverts—if you don't love having a bunch of eyes on you, a wedding shower may not be your cup of tea. Hudes says not liking attention is a common reason why brides don't opt for a shower. For what it's worth, you don't have to open gifts at a bridal shower. But if the idea of having one still makes your skin crawl, you may want to skip any kind of precelebration or opt for a smaller, more intimate gathering that doesn't put the sole focus on you.

You Don't Have the Energy

So much thought and time already goes into wedding planning; who could blame you if you don't want to put in the effort to plan a shower? Even though loved ones often plan bridal showers, to-be-weds sometimes prefer to put in the work themselves, which may not always fit into your schedule or energy levels.

---

FOR YOU

How Well Do You Know the To-Be-Wed? Let's Find Out

Challenge even the most loyal besties.

How to Have a Recipe Card Exchange Bridal Shower

Shower the to-be-weds with love from your kitchen.

How to Expertly Plan a "She's a Gem" Bridal Shower

After all, she is a gem.

Bridal Shower Alternatives

If you've decided you're not a bridal shower type of person, but still want to do a little something, there are plenty of different bridal shower ideas to choose from. You could even combine it with other wedding activities, like a bridal shower and bachelorette party combo. At the end of the day, think about your personal interests and hobbies—it should feel completely you. Here are just a few alternatives to a bridal shower.

Dinner and a Show

Celebrate with an intimate dinner with a close group of girlfriends and family, Hudes says. If you want to add some entertainment, she suggests following the dinner with a Broadway show or choosing a lively restaurant with acts like belly dancers.

Cooking Class

Food always brings people together, so why not try out a cooking class with your closest friends and family? It shies away from games-and-gifts vibes but is still interactive and fun, making for a memorable experience—and a meal to enjoy together!

A Picnic

If the weather is nice enough, Hudes suggests throwing a picnic for something more casual that allows everyone to just hang out together. To elevate it, you can hire a violinist to play in the background. Or if you want it to be more interactive, she recommends creating a scavenger hunt with the picnic as a home base.

Wine or Brewery Tasting

Get everyone together at your local vineyard or brewery to chase a few flights of wine or beer. We love this idea as not just an alternative to a bridal shower, but an alternative to a picnic because it makes for an equally fun, casual option during the colder months.

A Themed Shower

You can put a fun twist on a bridal shower by moving the focus away from gifts and focusing on a theme. Whether it's a lingerie bridal shower or a stock-the-bar party, switching up the concept makes a bridal shower a more laid-back affair. You can also take note of several couples shower ideas as an alternative to the traditional bridal shower.

How to Politely Tell Loved Ones You Don't Want a Traditional Bridal Shower

When it comes to telling loved ones you don't want to have a traditional bridal shower, Swann's advice is simple: Be honest, but kind. "A simple, 'I'm so grateful for your excitement, but I've decided to skip a traditional shower this time,' goes a long way," she says, adding that you can offer an alternative celebration if you wish. "You're allowed to set boundaries without guilt. It's your moment, and you get to decide how you want to be celebrated."

If you're conveying this sentiment over text or email, here's a handy template you can personalize:

I'm so touched by your support and excitement! It means so much to me. After thinking about it, I've decided to skip a traditional bridal shower. I'd love to celebrate in a more low-key way that feels more like me. I'm thinking of doing [insert alternative option here] instead—I will keep you posted as I have more details!