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Updated Oct 14, 2024Can I Have an Adult Flower Girl (or Guy) at My Wedding?
Why should kids have all the fun?
While flower girls are typically children under the age of nine, we're seeing a growing trend at wedding ceremonies—adult flower girls, guys and/or people (and grown-up ring bearers, too!). It's certainly a twist on the traditional wedding party role, and can make for some fun TikToks, but is it appropriate from an etiquette perspective? We're here to answer all of your questions about adult flower girls or "flower dudes" to help decide if this role is right for your big day.
What Does an Adult Flower Girl or Guy Do?
The adult flower girl is a member of the bridal party, along with the maid of honor, bridesmaids and junior bridesmaids, and there may be one flower girl or several. Typically, a couple would have an adult flower girl/guy/person if there aren't any children in their life who can take on the role.
Just like a child flower girl, the role of an adult flower girl/guy/person is pretty simple. During the processional, this person will walk down the aisle right before the bride, throwing flower petals. After that, the adult flower girl/guy/person may stand at the altar with the rest of the wedding party or take a seat in the front row during the ceremony.
Who Can Be an Adult Flower Girl/Guy/Person?
Having an adult perform the role of flower girl is often seen as unexpected and humorous, eliciting smiles and chuckles from the other wedding guests. Some couples opt to have their grandmothers serve as flower girls, to give them a sweet and special role in the ceremony. We've also seen bridesmaids and groomsmen do double duty, also taking on flower girl duties during the processional. Otherwise, the role of adult flower girl/guy/or person could be bestowed upon a willing close friend or family member who isn't otherwise part of the wedding party. However, when it comes to asking a loved one to be an adult flower girl, we recommend treading carefully (more on that below).
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Can You Ask a Loved One to Be an Adult Flower Girl?
This is a tricky one. Grown adults may take offense to being handed a role normally reserved for a five year old, while others may love the idea and eagerly take on the role. And still other loved ones may even volunteer to be an adult flower girl/guy/person! It's often safest to ask people who are already in the wedding party to be adult flower girls/guys/people, as those who aren't might feel pressured to accept a role they might find insulting so they can be included in the inner circle.
If there's a person who you'd like to ask to be an adult flower girl/guy/person, talk to them about it hypothetically: "I think having an adult flower girl/guy/person at the ceremony, what do you think about that idea?" If they're game, they may volunteer, but if they're against the idea, move on.
And if you'd like to ask Grandma to be a flower girl on your wedding day, don't be forceful and give her options—she could either walk down the aisle escorted by a family member or toss petals as a "Flower Grandma". You could even show her photos or YouTube videos of grandmothers serving as flower girls at other weddings so she can visualize what it would be like. Be prepared that she might not love the idea or think it's too nontraditional for her taste, so if she rejects it, accept it and don't push the issue.
What Does an Adult Flower Girl/Guy/Person Wear
You probably shouldn't expect your grown-up flower girls/guys/people to wear the type of frilly, tulle flower girl dress a child attendant would wear. If your adult flower girl/guy/person is already in the wedding party, they should wear their chosen wedding party attire, but can accessorize with a flower crown, lei or other floral accessory to let them stand out from the other bridesmaids and groomsmen. If your adult flower girl/guy/person isn't a bridesmaid, groomsman or other member of the wedding party, let them choose their own attire in the wedding colors so they'll feel like part of the crew. And a Grandma flower girl should wear whatever makes her feel more comfortable and confident on the big day!
What Does an Adult Flower Girl/Guy/Person Carry Down the Aisle?
We recommend working in tandem with your adult flower girl/guy/person to figure out what they'll carry down the aisle. Some adult flower girls will want to embrace the role and carry a traditional basket of flower petals, while others may want to toss confetti, carry balloons or simply hide the flower petals in their pockets and surprise guests by tossing them during the processional. You can also work with your florist to come up with some creative options.
Can I Have an Adult Ring Bearer, Too?
If a friend or family member is willing to take on the role of an adult ring bearer, go for it. An adult ring bearer would walk down the aisle during the processional carrying the wedding rings on a pillow. However, since the best man is typically responsible for the rings during the ceremony, you might just have him carry the rings down the aisle in his pocket if a child isn't able to take on the ring bearer job.
