Ring Bearer 101: Everything You Need to Know

A ring bearer is often a charming (and traditional) addition to any wedding party—but one should still fully understand the role before making a decision. For example, what does a ring bearer do? When do they walk down the aisle and who does the ring bearer give the rings to? (If the role is really unfamiliar to you, you might even be wondering how to spell ring bearer or what ring bearers carry. Just kidding!) And even once those questions are answered, there is still planning, preparing and proposing to do before the big day. If you don't know where to start, we've got all the answers you need to understand the meaning of the ring bearer role.

Read on for everything you need to know about ring bearer wedding etiquette!

In this article:

• What is a ring bearer?
• Why does the ring bearer carry the rings?
• Does a ring bearer have any other responsibilities?
• Does a wedding need a ring bearer?
• Who gets picked to be the ring bearer?
• Can there be multiple ring bearers?
• What else should couples and parents consider?
  

What is a ring bearer?

A ring bearer is typically a young child in the wedding party who holds the rings. They walk down the aisle carrying the wedding rings (usually tied to a ring bearer pillow, though they can be tied around poems or placed in a bouquet) and present them to the wedding officiant or best man once they reach the altar.

As for when does the ring bearer give the rings, in a traditional wedding ceremony order, the child walks after the maid of honor and bridesmaids—often processing at the same time as the flower girl—and precedes the bride. Depending on the ring bearer's age, they can stand at the altar with the rest of the wedding party or sit with their parents.

Why does the ring bearer carry the rings?

Some historians believe that the ring bearer tradition first appeared in Ancient Egypt when adults, instead of children, would carry treasured jewels on ornamental pillows during wedding ceremonies and other celebrations. Other historians believe the tradition originated in the Medieval era when a young child would carry the ring on a pillow so that families could show off their wealth as pillows were rare and symbols of their riches. (Fun fact: Before pillows were introduced, the rings were presented on the tips of swords.)

Does a ring bearer have any other responsibilities?

Usually, carrying the rings is a ring bearer's sole responsibility—and depending on how young they are, it can be a big one! If the child is old enough, talk with them to see if they would like to be a ring bearer in the wedding. By doing so, you're allowing the child to make their own decision on whether or not they would like to take on ring bearer duties.

If they agree, they'll take photos with the rest of the wedding party and, if they don't mind all eyes on them, they are announced during the wedding reception entrances. However, if the child doesn't want to be a ring bearer but still wants to be involved in the wedding, the couple can offer them the job of handing out ceremony programs—which has fewer responsibilities and isn't in the spotlight.

Does a wedding need a ring bearer?

Ultimately, a wedding doesn't need to have a ring bearer. Maybe the couple doesn't have a young family member or child of a close friend they want to ask. Or, perhaps they want an adults-only wedding or to keep the ceremony and wedding party very intimate. Though a ring bearer is often a traditional (and adorable!) choice, if the to-be-weds decide to opt out, their wedding officiant can be responsible for the rings—which they usually are anyway, as ring bearers don't usually carry the real wedding rings. (While the child's age and maturity level is always a factor, we think the safest bet is to give the ring bearer fake rings, so no one is worried about them while walking down the aisle. So, if you've been wondering, "Does the ring bearer actually carry the rings?" the answer is often no!)

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Who gets picked to be the ring bearer?

Traditionally, the age of ring bearers—sometimes referred to as ring boys (though girls, adults or even pets can step into the role)—is between the ages of three and eight years old. This age range ensures the child is mature enough to handle the ring bearer role. (A child younger than three may be chosen, but the couple should speak with the child's parents first to see if they can escort the child down the aisle.) If a child that's 10 years old or older is in the running, we suggest considering them for a junior groomsman role instead, which has a little more responsibility and involvement in prewedding events, like the wedding shower and rehearsal dinner.

The betrothed should select someone they're close to and have a good relationship with, like kids of the wedding party members or family. This helps foster a comfortable dynamic between them and the chosen ring bearer leading up to the wedding and on the big day.

Can there be multiple ring bearers?

Curious how many ring bearers there can be in a wedding? If the couple has a long list of people in mind for the ring bearer position, they should simply have multiple ring bearers! Some can act as extra security for the rings or wear funny ring bearer signs, like, "Has anyone seen the rings?!" That being said, we suggest having no more than four ring bearers, so the wedding processional isn't longer than the entirety of the ceremony.

What else should couples and parents consider?

If a child is chosen for the wedding ring bearer job, the couple should speak to the child's parents first to see if they are willing to take on the responsibility. The ring bearer's parents are tasked with explaining the ring bearer's duties to their child, paying for the ring bearer's outfit and accessories, attending all of the prewedding festivities and arriving early on the wedding day.

Speaking of what the ring bearer wears, we've seen plenty of cute tuxes, suspenders, bowties, classic pageboy attire and even superhero costumes. We suggest coordinating the little attendants' outfits with the rest of the wedding party, but ideally, the parents of the ring bearer will have a couple of options to choose from since it's traditionally their job to pay for the ring bearer's outfit and accessories. (If the couple's wedding budget allows, offering to pay for the ring bearer's costs is a nice gesture, especially if they want the ring bearer to wear something more expensive.)

The pair getting married should also give the ring bearer a proposal or thank-you gift—it's a nice way to ask them to be involved in the big day or to show them appreciation for all their help after the wedding day is complete. The couple can surprise them with one of these fun ring bearer proposal gift, like a DIY terrarium, stuffed animal or giant bubble kit.

Finally, the ring bearer's parents should have snacks, a phone or a tablet on hand to keep the little one entertained once their job is done and the ceremony is in full swing. All in all, it's important to keep in mind that children are unpredictable. Whatever happens, it'll no doubt be a picture-perfect moment.

Additional reporting by Shyla Watson