Do You Have to Have an Engagement Ring to Be Engaged?
Getting engaged is full of all sorts of rituals and customs. There's the notion of dropping a knee, asking permission from a fatherly figure beforehand and presenting a sparkling ring to your soon-to-be-betrothed. But do you have to have an engagement ring to make things official? While the tradition of engagement rings symbolizes love and devotion, we argue that you don't necessarily need an engagement ring to propose, nor do you need it to officially enter this new, committed chapter together.
We're exploring this topic completely today, including some common reasons why you might not want an engagement ring, and some beautiful ways you honor your commitment to each other without an expensive rock.
Do You Have to Have an Engagement Ring to Be Engaged?
Above all else, an engagement ring symbolizes a commitment to one another—a desire to spend your lives together from here on out. That said, you don't need an engagement ring to propose to your sweetheart or to define your promise to each other. Some people choose to buy a ring later (maybe to include the other in the decision-making) and others forgo the engagement and wedding ring tradition altogether and honor their love in a different way.
Whatever decision you make, though, should be communicated with your partner, notes certified relationship coach Sophie Orozco. She says, "Even though you don't need a ring, it is still common practice to have one at the proposal. As with anything in a relationship, expectations should be communicated." In other words, you don't want any surprises!
5 Reasons You Might Not Want an Engagement Ring
There are lots of valid reasons why someone wouldn't want to give or receive an engagement ring. Here are some common reasons why people skip this tradition.
It Feels Really Showy
For some, a flashy ring just feels unnecessary and over-the-top. Maybe jewelry, in general, just isn't your thing or an expensive and showy ring doesn't feel like your style. Some people also experience underlying stress about potentially losing or damaging an investment piece and don't want to deal with that feeling on a regular basis.
You're Not a Fan of the Diamond Industry
Those privy to the sometimes ugly underbelly of the diamond industry—which can include conflict, wars and inflated pricing—often feel wary about the idea of wearing this stone. If you want to be 100 percent sure that your diamond is conflict-free, it is best not to have a diamond at all. Fortunately, today there are more options than ever before, including lab diamonds, vintage pieces, alternative clear stones like moissanite or white sapphire and colorful stones like ruby, emerald or sapphire.
The Cost Is Too High at This Time
Financial considerations are another common reason why people choose to forego an engagement ring, says Orozco. While costs range drastically, buying an engagement ring may simply be out of the budget when you take the next step in your relationship. If that's the case—and you eventually do want an engagement ring—you can opt for an alternative way to honor your love for now while saving up.
You'd Prefer to Shop Together for a Piece of Jewelry
Choosing a piece of jewelry for another person to wear for the rest of their life is, well, a little bit stressful. You want to make sure you nail it so they're excited to wear this investment piece every day. To avoid a scenario where a partner doesn't like their engagement ring, some people choose to propose without one and then go shopping together shortly thereafter.
A Non-Traditional Approach Feels More Like "You"
Those who buck the notion of tradition or simply fancy themselves contrarians may not feel like an engagement ring is a route for them or their relationship. In this situation, coming up with an alternative way to celebrate their commitment is an exciting exercise and a way to stand out in a crowd of everyone else doing the expected.
How to Honor Your Engagement Without a Ring
Engagement rings seem like a straightforward way to show that you've entered into the next step of your relationship, but some newly engaged couples prefer to showcase their love differently. Here are some ways to honor your relationship sans bling.
A Different Piece of Jewelry
Some people may like the idea of jewelry, but not necessarily a ring. An engagement watch is a popular alternative to an engagement ring, as is a necklace or bracelet.
A Tattoo
What's more permanent than a traditional engagement ring? A tattoo! You could opt to have a tattooed ring around your ring finger or get a tattoo elsewhere to signify your commitment to each other. Matching tattoos is a fun idea, too.
A Commitment Tree
Orozco suggests the idea of a commitment tree instead of an engagement ring. Planted together, it symbolizes the growth and strength of your relationship as it matures and flourishes over time. It can also represent shared roots and the desire to nurture your future as a couple.
A Gift
Instead of an engagement ring, consider offering an alternative gift that carries the same level of sentimentality and permanence. Some ideas might include a set of beautiful silverware you'll use at special meals together, a customized keepsake box for you to store meaningful mementos from the past and in the future or a personalized picture frame that you can update over the years. Speak with your partner about what sort of alternative gift may feel the most symbolic to come up with the perfect idea.
Exchange of Words
You don't have to exchange a physical item in order to get engaged. Sometimes, words are the strongest way to forward your relationship. Consider writing heartfelt letters or personal vows to each other, expressing your deepest feelings, promises and hopes for the future. These spoken or written words become a lasting emotional connection, serving as a reminder of your commitment without the need for a physical object.
Whether you love the idea of an engagement ring and just need to wait until the finances are right or you prefer to celebrate your love in a non-traditional way, there's no wrong or right way to get engaged. Ultimately, the answer is to do whatever you are comfortable doing and to be excited about it!