An Officiant's Guide to Setting Wedding Priorities

What are your biggest priorities in wedding planning? Setting wedding priorities—that's one of those tasks that feels like it's easier said than done. Officiant and ceremony consultant Michelle LaBuwi of Swoon Union in Maine wants you to break free of expectations and pinpoint why you're planning a wedding.

Whether you're receiving unsolicited advice from well-intentioned—but slightly misguided—loved ones or simply feel societal pressures, it can be tricky to escape the mental barrage of "you should do X for your wedding." But how do you release yourself from expectations to plan the best wedding for you? LaBuwi emphasizes the importance of understanding your why.

In this story:

• Discover Your "Why"
• Let Go of "Should"
• Priority-Setting Questions to Ask Yourself
• Work With an Officiant to Align on Priorities

Discover Your "Why"

Clarifying your priorities will help you shake off the noise to stay grounded while planning. "Defining why your wedding is important to you is more than just a formality—it's essential to help you move forward with a clear purpose and vision," explains LaBuwi. "So much of the wedding planning process can be defined by stress and decisions, decisions, decisions.

Knowing your why gives you the power and freedom to design a celebration that's a genuine expression of your unique love, aligned with your values and intentions," says LaBuwi. "Without a clear why and honest, respectful communication, hosting a wedding can easily turn into a tangle of tension and indecision. If you skip this important work, you risk losing the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to celebrate your bond as a couple."

Let Go of "Should"

LaBuwi goes on to explain how easy it is to get lost in a sea of "shoulds." "Reframing your thinking from should to could will give you more personal power and freedom to plan the wedding you desire, not the one someone else thinks you should have." The pro encourages to-be-weds to be unapologetic about their hopes, needs and dreams while planning their ceremony. "This willingness to clear the path of obstacles will lead to a more fulfilling celebration—and a rewarding marriage."

Be clear about why you're hosting a wedding. "If the stress and anxiety of hosting a wedding overpowers the meaning and magic of the moment, it's time to reconsider your priorities and purpose," she says.

Priority-Setting Questions to Ask Yourself

Understanding the questions here will help you answer the broader query: Why does hosting a wedding matter to you? LaBuwi encourages to-be-weds to answer these questions individually, then come together to dig into each of your answers.

• Anticipation: Does the thought of hosting a wedding bring you joy and increase your happiness? Why or why not? Are there other emotions that come up for you when you think about your wedding?
• Feelings: How do you want to feel at your wedding? How do you want your guests to feel? What emotions or ideas do you want to express?
• Wants: What do you definitely want for your wedding? What do you definitely not want for it?
• Relationship: What three words describe the "essence" and foundation of your relationship?
• Needs: Regardless of logistics, what are your top three needs for hosting a wedding? For example, to include family members or to be present during the day?
• Purpose: What is the central purpose of your wedding? For example, to foster new connections, be legally married, or officially begin your marriage surrounded by the people who bring out the best in you?

Work With an Officiant to Align on Priorities

If you're answered the questions above and are still feeling stuck when it comes to your wedding planning priority list, now's the time to call in the pros. Connecting with your professional wedding officiant early on can help you reduce wedding planning noise and better align on your path forward. The Knot Vendor Marketplace is a great spot to begin your officiant search as it allows you to filter by ceremony type and religious affiliation to find the pro that's the best match for your needs and your wedding priority checklist.