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Updated Oct 14, 202412 Japanese Wedding Traditions Couples & Guests Should Know
Learn about these significant religious and cultural customs.
Photo: Elevate Photography,Design: Natalie Romine
Japanese culture and etiquette is still present in Japanese wedding traditions, but you might be surprised to learn that the nuptials are full of modern and westernized elements too. This isn't abnormal though since this happens to wedding traditions from all over the world, but it's still interesting to see how customs that have been passed down for centuries intertwine with new ones. To highlight how Japanese marriage rituals look today, we reached out to industry experts to explain. So no matter if you're planning to honor your Japanese heritage or want to know what you can expect as a guest, we have all the in-depth information you need.
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In this article: A Brief History of Japanese Wedding Traditions | Prewedding Japanese Traditions | Japanese Wedding Ceremony Traditions | Japanese Wedding Reception Traditions | Traditional Japanese Wedding Food, Drinks and Desserts
A Brief History of Japanese Wedding Traditions
Ayuka Chelsea Matsumoto, a luxury bridal curator and stylist, explains how modern Japanese weddings, which typically last three and a half hours, look today. "These weddings represent a mixture of the ancient Japanese spirit and sophisticated Western cultural influences. Shinto-style ceremonies represent around 10–20% of Japanese weddings. However, most couples prefer a Christian-style ceremony at a chapel, even though they may not be Christians themselves," she says.
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But what's a Shinto-style ceremony? This type of religious ceremony is held at a shrine. According to Sofia Hiramatsu, a professional photographer based in Nagoya, Japan, "a Shinto wedding is held before the kami (god) with a priest and attendants, emphasizing purity and gratitude. It affirms the couple's pledge to live in harmony with nature and their community." Matsumoto adds, "Rooted in Japan's unique spiritual culture, the Shinto faith centers on the belief in yaoyorozu no kami—the idea that divine spirits reside in all things, from natural elements to everyday objects. This spiritual tradition has been influenced by Buddhism and other practices over centuries, and the modern Shinto wedding ceremony is said to have originated with the imperial wedding of the future Emperor Taishō in 1900."
Prewedding Japanese Traditions
A traditional Japanese wedding isn't complete without some prenuptial planning. Below are two to-dos that typically happen before the ceremony and reception.
Auspicious Wedding Dates
The Cuore Wedding team, who have more than 25 years of event planning experience, say it's traditional for to-be-weds to take special care before finalizing when they'll have their celebration. "Families and couples consult the Japanese calendar of rokki [also called royukō] for lucky and unlucky days to decide on a wedding date," they say. "Taian is the most auspicious day and it's the most popular date. On the other hand, Butsumets is the least auspicious day. Nowadays, parents still consider the wedding date, but young couples don't care about it as much," says Matsumoto.
Engagement Ceremony
Yuino is a Japanese wedding proposal tradition or engagement ceremony where the couple and their families join together to spend time with each other. "This is a traditional betrothal ceremony where the families of the couple formally exchange symbolic gifts, like dried seafood, and sake. Each item represents prosperity, fertility or happiness and strengthens the relationship between the two families," says the Cuore Wedding team. Matsumoto adds, "Yuino ceremonies are often held in private rooms at refined restaurants or traditional Japanese inns, followed by a celebratory meal with both families. In contrast, a simple family meal is an informal alternative, with no set structure or guest list."
Want to include more cultural elements into your prewedding journey? Check out these stunning Japanese engagement rings we're obsessed with.
Japanese Wedding Ceremony Traditions
Sadly, there aren't any unique wedding ceremony entrances in Japanese culture, but there are plenty of other meaningful rituals. Keep reading to find out what religious customs some Japanese couples like to include.
Sake Sharing Ceremony
Japanese wedding vows aren't the only thing exchanged at Shinto ceremonies. The Japanese wedding sake ceremony is called san-san-kudo, which means "three-three-nine-times." "The couple alternately sip sake three times from three cups of different sizes. Each cup holds its own meaning. The smallest represents the past and gratitude to one's ancestors, the middle cup symbolizes the present and appreciation for reaching this day and the largest represents the future expressing wishes for family prosperity and harmony across generations," says Ayaka Ishimura, founder of Ayaka Ishimura Wedding & Design who has planned over 600 weddings. The custom is also called sankon-no-gi and the cups can also represent heaven, earth and humanity.
Sacred Branch Offering
Another one of the Japanese Shinto wedding traditions is the sacred branch offering (also called tamagushi hōten), which Hiramatsu says happens after a priest recites wedding prayers for divine protection. "The couple presents a tamagushi—a sacred sakaki branch adorned with folded paper streamers and cotton—at the altar. This act is a solemn vow of gratitude and devotion, offered to the deities as the couple begins their new life together. Through this gesture, they express thanks for their ancestors, for life itself and for the destiny that brought them together," says Matsumoto.
Buddhist Marriage Contract
There's also a Japanese Buddhist wedding tradition you should know about. "The signing of the ceremonial Buddhist wedding document is called a keiyaku-sho or kekkon shomeisho. This follows the blessing rituals and functions as a wedding contract within the temple and a spiritual record of the union," says Hiramatsu.
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Japanese Wedding Reception Traditions
As we've said before, it's normal for many traditional Japanese weddings to have modern touches throughout. Whether you're in the midst of multicultural wedding planning or solely focusing on honoring your and your partner's Japanese backgrounds, consider incorporating the following ancient and contemporary activities and rituals.
Sake Barrel Opening Ceremony
Another Japanese sake wedding tradition is called kagami biraki. "In this ceremony, the lid of a sake barrel is broken open with a wooden mallet, symbolizing breaking open the future and inviting good fortune," says Ishimura. Matsumoto says that this ritual originated in the Muromachi period (1338–1573) and that the circular shape of the lid symbolizes marital harmony.
Outfit Changes
You might be surprised to see outfit changes on our tradition list since it's now commonplace at non-Japanese weddings, but there's more to it. The Cuore Wedding team says it's normal for both the newlyweds to change from traditional Japanese wedding attire to western-style clothes for the reception.
But where does this custom come from? Matsumoto explains. Believed to date back to the Muromachi period (1336–1573), this tradition involved the bride wearing a pure white wedding kimono or shiromuku for the first three days after the wedding. On the fourth day, she would change into a colorful iro-uchikake kimono, symbolizing her gradual adaptation to her new family. This concept is thought to be the origin of today's oironaoshi (outfit change)," she says.
Heartfelt Letters
A custom called "the bride's letter" came onto the wedding scene in 1990s and stayed ever since. Near the end of the reception, the bride is tasked with reading personal and affectionate letters aloud. "These letters express gratitude to their parents, in-laws and spouse, as well as hopes for the future. It's a deeply emotional and culturally unique moment that highlights the Japanese emphasis on family bonds and appreciation," says Matsumoto.
Newlywed and Guest Gift Exchanges
There are three types of traditional Japanese wedding gifts. The first kind of wedding present is the goshugi, which is a monetary gift that the guests give to the couple. "Guests customarily present money in a decorative envelope called goshugi-bukuro. The amount varies depending on the relationship to the couple. This practice reflects not only the celebration but also social responsibility and reciprocity, which are highly valued in Japanese culture," says the Cuore Wedding team. The second wedding present comes from the newlyweds and is similar to wedding favors. "In return for the goshugi, the couple gives each guest a hikidemono. These gifts often consist of carefully chosen items such as tableware, household goods or sweets. This custom symbolizes gratitude and the importance of maintaining balanced social relationships," the team adds. The last kind of gift is the uchiiwai. These are additional thank-you gifts sent after the wedding and are especially for guests who weren't able to attend the wedding, but already gave their goshugi in advance.
Traditional Japanese Wedding Food, Drinks and Desserts
Some of our favorite Japanese wedding customs revolve around the delicious catering options. See what wedding food, drinks and desserts you should put on your menu.
Multicourse Meals
Japanese wedding food traditions have roots in honzen-ryori, which is a formal dining style from the Muromachi period. "The meal typically consists of three main courses—ichinozen (first tray), ninozen (second tray) and sannozen (third tray). The first tray features auspicious dishes such as salt-grilled sea bream, symbolizing good fortune. The second tray includes warm dishes like simmered and grilled foods, while the third tray consists of rice, soup, and pickles," explains Matsumoto. Fun fact: "Although less common today, it was once customary to serve sekihan (sticky rice steamed with red beans) at weddings. The red color is believed to ward off evil spirits and invite happiness, serving as a protective charm and a symbol of good fortune," says Ishimura.
To help you accomplish this big Japanese feast and more, head to The Knot Vendor Marketplace. There you'll find experienced pros who know everything about making mouthwatering multicourse meals. All you have to do is use the search bar or the self-identified "Asian-owned business" filter to find the experts you need.
Tasty Drinks
As you might have already guessed, sake is a celebratory drink that's traditionally a part of Japanese affairs. Made of rice, this popular alcoholic drink that represents starting anew. With at least a decade of wedding planning expertise between them both, Yukari Ueno and Megumi Masudo of Yukari Ueno Experiences say you'll also most likely see sakura-yu at a Japanese wedding. "Sakura-yu is an auspicious drink made of salted cherry blossoms boiled in hot water. It means that the future will blossom."
Sweet Desserts
It's common now to have a western-style wedding cake at Japanese weddings, but there are some sweet treats of Japanese origin that make the dessert menu too. "Mochi is a Japanese food for special occasions that's made by pounding steamed rice. It's eaten on New Year's Day and other celebratory occasions. Red and white mochi are the auspicious colors used at weddings and are meant to help pray for good harvests and good health," says Ueno and Masudo. In addition is a wedding guest take-home gift called hikigashi, a packaged box of confections. Matsumoto says traditionally kōhaku jōyō manju are found in these boxes. "They're red and white steamed buns made with yam and rice flour and filled with sweet bean paste. These confections are rich in symbolism, representing good luck and joyful celebration," she tells us.
Additional reporting by Hannah Nowack.
