Groomsmen: My Brother, His Groomsman?


If a bride wants her brother in the wedding (she has no sisters) but the groom says he alone picks the groomsmen and is not considering the brother of bride, how do you handle it? Who wins?


Here's our take on this, and it may not be yours: the bride and groom should get to choose their own attendants based on who they are closest to -- their sisters, best friends, cousins, even parents. If the bride's brother is not one of the groom's closest friends, the groom should not feel obligated -- or forced -- to include him. If your fiance feels strongly about this (and it sounds like he does), you should respect his wishes.

You may disagree. There are definitely families in which it's expected that all the siblings be in the wedding party. But think about it: If your brother was the one getting married, would you want to have to hang around with his bride's friends all day as a bridesmaid or with your own family on the groom's side? Have you considered having your brother stand up for you? No, he doesn't have to wear a bridesmaid's dress; he would wear the same suit or tux all the guys do. He would just stand on your side during the ceremony. It could be a perfect compromise solution. If you (or your brother) are uncomfortable with it, try talking to your groom again and tell him how much it would mean to you to have your brother stand up on his side. If it just won't work out, perhaps your brother could light candles or do a reading and contribute to the ceremony that way.

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