How to Tell a Wedding Vendor They Were Not Selected—In the Vendors' Own Words

One thing you won't encounter when choosing wedding vendors: a shortage of options. There are so many talented florists, photographers and calligraphers that it's inevitable you're eventually going to have to learn how to tell a wedding vendor they were not selected.

Whether you decided to go with a different wedding vendor because of cost, availability, or because you chose to hire someone off your venue's preferred wedding vendor list, there will be people that you unfortunately have to let down.

But one of the best tips for choosing wedding vendors is not to burn the bridge or ghost the vendor completely, and instead to let them down politely. You never know if you might want to use this vendor again for another event, and they may be a great referral for someone else in your circle.

How do you gracefully turn down a vendor? Wedding vendors share exactly how they'd prefer to hear that a prospective client decided to go with someone else.

In this article:

• How Do I Let a Vendor Know They Were Not Selected?
• How to Politely Tell a Wedding Vendor They Weren't Selected
• Turning Down Wedding Vendor Templates

How Do I Let a Vendor Know They Were Not Selected?

Photo: Jacob Wackerhausen | Etsy

The best way to inform a vendor that they weren't selected is to be honest and do so in a timely manner. Don't put off the conversation because they may have other prospective clients in their roster who are waiting to hear about their availability. Be gracious, kind and thank them for the time.

Also, don't worry about hurt feelings. This is the name of the game for wedding vendors. Kelly Jeanmaire, owner of The Main Event by Kelly, based in Upstate New York, explains, "Don't stress about letting us down! We're professionals and understand not every consultation leads to booking. We talk to lots of couples, and we know you're talking to multiple vendors too."

FEATURED VIDEO FROM THE KNOT

When you're weighing multiple vendors at once and looking for options for staying organized when hiring pros, use the vendor inbox on The Knot Vendor Marketplace to help you keep your conversations organized. You can sign up easily on The Knot, explore vendors, and even use the suggestion functionality within the vendor inbox to facilitate your conversations with vendors.

How to Politely Tell a Wedding Vendor They Weren't Selected

Telling a wedding vendor they weren't selected doesn't have to be a long conversation. It can be as simple as thanking them for their time, but letting them know you're going in a different direction. If you want to give a further explanation, that's entirely up to you. Below are tips on how to tell a vendor they were not selected.

1. Tell Them in a Timely Manner

Any vendor that sends you a proposal or an estimate is investing time and resources into your celebration. If they aren't selected, then that's time they'll write off to business development—but you don't want to make them spend more energy than necessary. "Once you've made a decision, don't delay," says Jennifer Skarakis, founder at Sendo Invitations. "Letting a vendor know early shows respect for their time and allows them to focus on other potential clients."

2. Send a Message Via Email

You don't need to schedule a phone call or compose a long narrative about why you're going in a different direction. Short, sweet and to-the-point will do it. "A simple email letting us know they went in another direction is so incredibly helpful, especially for those of us who keep tabs on all of our inquiries and like to follow up when we don't hear back," says Becky Hart, CEO and industry expert at Event Crush based in Eugene, Oregon. "This saves us from wasting our time by following up with a couple multiple times who have already made up their mind."

Katie Sarna, cofounder and CEO at Benni Pops, adds, "Just hit reply! I promise, we understand (and are very used to it). Part of our job is sending quotes and hoping to be the right fit, but we know couples have lots of choices." For vendors you've connected with via The Knot Vendor Marketplace, it's never been easier to communicate with them—simply send a message through the vendor inbox portal to streamline your correspondence.

3. Be Clear About Why You Booked Another Vendor

If you feel comfortable, tell the vendor in a short and concise way why you booked someone else. "Clear is kind! Were our offerings out of budget? Were the materials not quite right? Did they book someone we don't know about? Any and all of these answers only help us to improve our services," says Annie Eifler, owner of Gulf Coast Entertainment in Houston.

4. Provide Constructive Feedback

Not every vendor is a fit for every wedding, and sometimes, that may come down to a process or service offering that didn't feel right for the couple's vision. In that case, it could be helpful to provide that feedback, particularly if it could help the vendor tailor future pitches to what couples are looking for. Skarakis says, "Vendors value insight. If you can, share what you appreciated about their proposal, and kindly explain why you've chosen to go in a different direction. Transparent feedback helps small businesses grow and improve their future bids."

5. There May Be a Way to Use Them in the Future

Perhaps a vendor is out of budget. That doesn't mean you won't come back around and use this vendor again in the future. If that's a possibility, tell them! Sherri Petterez-Marriott, owner of Mon Sherri Ink Fine Calligraphy & Engraving in Dallas, recalls, "I once received an email from a couple who expressed their love for custom hand calligraphy but unfortunately did not budget properly for it. However, they did express their interest in working with me for their traditional one-year anniversary gift, which is paper."

6. Recommend Them to Friends

A vendor isn't going to be the right fit for everyone, but someone who didn't work out for you could be perfect for someone in your network. "If you genuinely liked the vendor's offering but it wasn't quite right for your wedding, consider referring them to friends or family," Skarakis says. "A kind word or personal recommendation can go a long way in helping small wedding businesses thrive—and it's a meaningful way to show your appreciation."

Turning Down Wedding Vendor Templates

Photo: Fiordaliso | GettyImages

A lot of people feel uncomfortable telling someone they're not choosing them, and Eleanor Willock of The Full Stop Celebrant explains that ghosting is becoming more and more common. "Negative decision making is simply something people are becoming less and less comfortable expressing to people they don't feel the need to forge a connection with," Willock says.

But ghosting a would-be vendor should never be the answer, and each vendor deserves a thoughtful and polite update. You don't owe a vendor a reason for why you did not select them, so if you don't feel comfortable giving feedback or more information, you can go with the most basic template.

"Dear [vendor's name],

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your expertise and information about your services with me. We will not be moving forward with your quote, and I wish you all the best in this wedding season.

Thank you again for your time.

[Your and your partner's names]"

How to Gracefully Tell a Vendor You Went With Someone Else

Hart explains that it's helpful to hear from a client when they've decided to go with someone else because it provides clear closure for a vendor, rather than wondering if this inquiry might come through later. She suggests the following template for how to tell a vendor you went with someone else, and you can add a reason why or the other vendor you went with if you feel comfortable.

"Dear [vendor's name],

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me the other day! It was great learning about your services and getting to know you. However, we have made the tough decision to go with another vendor [optional: explain why].

Thank you again for your time!

[Your and your partner's names]"

How to Politely Tell a Wedding Vendor They're Over Your Budget

From negotiating with wedding vendors to discussing wedding payment plans, finances are always the most stressful part of wedding planning. Staying on budget is often the biggest factor in vendor decisions, which is exactly why it's important to convey that to a vendor. Use The Knot Budget Advisor to learn about local wedding costs in your location and help determine the right vendors for your vision.

Sarna recommends the following template for how to reject a wedding vendor that is over budget.

"Dear [vendor's name],

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us regarding your services. We loved your work, but it's outside of our current budget for our wedding day.

Thank you again for your time, and we'll be sure to refer you to other friends and family who are looking for [vendor's specialty].

[Your and your partner's names]"