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Updated Mar 06, 2025Here's How to Apologize to Your Partner
Learning how to apologize can help strengthen your relationship and facilitate greater intimacy.
Photo: simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
No matter how perfect a relationship seems, conflict is going to happen at some point. Since conflict is often inevitable, it's critical to learn how to repair afterward, and that often looks like an apology. Learning how to apologize to your girlfriend, boyfriend or partner is an invaluable skill. Some might argue that it's an art. An apology is a form of conflict resolution, and when done right, can enhance your bond as a couple.
An apology may seem like a straightforward thing to do, but there are different ways to say sorry to a loved one. The most effective apology is typically characterized by sincerity, remorse, validation and specificity. If you want your apology to your partner to be received well, here are some tips on how to go about it.
In this article:
- When to Apologize to Your Partner
- How to Apologize to Your Partner
- How to Respond to an Apology From Your Partner
When to Apologize to Your Partner
Most people will welcome a sincere apology with open arms. With that in mind, when to apologize can occur any time after an offence. It may be a good idea to try and apologize soon after an offense so your partner isn't left festering and the issue doesn't snowball. However, before apologizing, reflect on where you went wrong and be clear about what you're saying sorry for. In some instances, it might help to wait until your partner calms down so your apology is better received. In terms of what scenarios require apologies, an apology may be needed any time a mistake is made or trust is broken.
How to Apologize to Your Partner
How to apologize to your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner doesn't have to be complicated, but there is a science to it. The key is understanding what your partner expects from an apology and ensuring it's genuine and heartfelt.
Use an Apology Language
One of the best ways to apologize to your partner is in the language they understand. The five apology languages are a framework to determine how to apologize to your partner in a way they'll best receive. These apology languages are based on a concept created by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas in their book The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships. The duo explain how apologies vary between people.
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The five main apology languages include expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, planned change and requesting forgiveness. If you're unsure which apology language to use, consider asking your partner which would be most meaningful to them.
Own Your Actions
When apologizing, owning your actions and taking responsibility for your wrongdoing is important. This isn't the time to make excuses, point out your partner's flaws or try to justify your behavior. Acknowledge that you did something wrong without deflecting.
Be Specific
A vague apology can rub your partner the wrong way. Before apologizing, be sure you know exactly what you're apologizing for and that you can communicate that clearly to your partner. For instance, instead of saying "sorry for making you upset" you could say, "sorry for being dismissive when you were trying to share your feelings with me." Being specific shows your partner you understand where you went wrong.
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Validate Their Feelings
Apologies are about talking, but listening is a major part of it too. Give your partner a chance to share their feelings and validate them by echoing what they share. Some tips for validating their feelings include listening without interrupting, naming their emotions, and using language that shows you hear their perspective even if you disagree.
Show Remorse
An apology can feel insincere when you don't express any remorse. A lack of remorse can also add fuel to the fire as your partner may feel you're only apologizing to shut them up. Remorse is about demonstrating a sincere desire to make amends in words and action. It isn't typically something you can fake, so it will take some self-reflection to genuinely feel those emotions and express them to your partner while apologizing.
Consider an Apology Gift
When you hurt your partner's feelings, sometimes an apology gift can help make things right. However, it's important not to solely rely on the gift to make amends as your partner may feel you're trying to buy their forgiveness. As the saying goes, the best apology is changed behavior, so be sure the gift comes alongside the aforementioned tips.
How to Respond to an Apology From Your Partner
Receiving an apology from your partner can bring up several emotions, especially when your feelings have been hurt. Here's how to respond when someone apologizes in a way that hopefully helps get your relationship back in a better spot.
Acknowledge Their Effort
Apologizing isn't always easy to do, even when you're in the wrong. Acknowledging your partner's effort is a way to set the stage for a healthy conversation about what happened and also still show your partner kindness in the midst of your disappointment or hurt.
Validate Your Partner's Feelings
Validation goes both ways—it can be empathetic and loving to validate your partner's feelings after they give an apology. If they've expressed remorse, regret or hurt, validate those feelings.
Share Your Feelings
After the apology happens, communicate with your partner and tell them where you are emotionally. Some people find their anger instantly dissipates after a heartfelt apology, others need more time to process their feelings, and both scenarios are valid. Let's face it—sometimes an apology isn't enough to repair an offence, and it's okay to be honest about where you are. On the other hand, if you have accepted the apology and are ready to move forward, voicing that can be helpful to your partner as well. Remember, healthy arguments are a normal part of any relationship. What's most important is that you learn how to apologize and move forward.
