8 Expert Tips on Improving Communication in Relationships

Communication is the bedrock of any loving relationship. Effective communication in relationships is one of the most important skills for building and maintaining a strong connection with your partner. Whether you're at the incipient stages or have been together for years, the way you communicate can shape the overall health of your relationship. But what exactly does healthy communication look like? How can you improve it when things go awry? In this guide, we'll explore the importance of communication in relationships, common communication issues, and expert-backed tips to help you connect more deeply with your partner.

In this article:

• The Importance of Communication in Relationships
• Signs You May Be Having Communication Issues
• How to Improve Communication Skills in a Relationship

The Importance of Communication in Relationships

Communication is the foundation of any committed relationship. It allows partners to express their feelings, discuss needs and boundaries, navigate conflict and build trust over time. Without open and honest dialogue, misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance can creep in and cause cracks in the relationship.

It's also important to note that the ability to communicate your feelings can impact emotional intimacy. It fosters empathy, problem-solving and a sense of shared partnership. Strong communication also helps prevent minor issues from escalating into major conflicts. In summary, when you prioritize communication, you prioritize connection.

Signs You May Be Having Communication Issues

If you're struggling to connect with your partner, ineffective communication may be the culprit. You might be dealing with communication issues in your relationship without even realizing it. Below are a few common signs that communication in your relationship might need a little extra attention.

Inability to Find the Root of the Issue

Effective communication often requires both the ability to hear and understand your partner. Sometimes individuals get so hung up on the details of a disagreement that they miss the overarching theme or core message their partner is trying to communicate.

"A typical issue I see is couples focus on details during conflict and not the underlying issue," says Nikquan Lewis, licensed relationship therapist and author. "Being able to identify the underlying issue is a pathway to resolution for those committed to solving the problem." If you're struggling to understand what you're butting heads with your partner about, it could signal a communication issue.

Frequent Misunderstandings

If conversations often lead to confusion or conflict, it might mean you and your partner aren't truly hearing each other. When you find yourself having the same arguments repeatedly or feeling like you're speaking at each other versus to each other, it can be a red flag. Although you won't always agree, both people should leave a conflict feeling understood or at least understanding the cause of the conflict.

Feeling Unheard or Dismissed

Do you feel like your thoughts and feelings are brushed aside? That could be a sign that you're having communication issues. "Unhealthy communication also shows up in what is not said," Lewis says. "[Like] when you feel dismissed, unheard or like your needs are too much."

Being constantly interrupted, invalidated or ignored are also examples of how a partner may dismiss you and are signals of poor communication. When you're feeling dismissed, it's likely you also don't feel emotionally supported.

Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Let's face it—having difficult conversations is uncomfortable. Some couples choose to avoid difficult conversations instead of leaning into them for this reason. However, avoiding discussing sensitive topics out of fear it will lead to a fight can create distance over time. Healthy communication in relationships involves addressing—not avoiding—tough subjects.

How to Improve Communication Skills in a Relationship

Improving communication skills in a relationship doesn't happen overnight, but small intentional changes can make a big impact. Here are eight expert-backed ways to foster healthy dialogue with your partner.

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Practice Active Listening

Instead of planning your response while your partner is talking, focus fully on what they're saying. Nod, maintain eye contact and paraphrase their message to show you understand. This builds trust and reduces miscommunication. If you're worried about forgetting what you want to say, keep a notepad nearby and make a note so you can address those issues once the floor is yours.

Use 'I' Statements

When expressing your needs or frustrations, try framing them with "I feel" instead of "You always." For example, "I feel hurt when plans change at the last minute" is less accusatory and more likely to lead to a constructive conversation than "You're inconsiderate because you always change plans at the last minute."

Regulate Before Responding

When your nervous system is out of whack, it can escalate conflict. For some people, a dysregulated nervous system results in an unkind tone, an inability to actively listen, displays of anger or shutting down altogether. "Good communication is not about who talks the most, and it's important to understand that conflict is not the problem; it's how we handle it," Lewis says. "Be mindful of how you manage your emotions while you do it."

Noticing how your body is responding during conflict is a way to ensure your communication remains effective. If you notice your nervous system is activated, Lewis recommends pausing, breathing, and then responding from a grounded place, not a triggered one.

Don't Avoid Conflict

Conflict doesn't mean your relationship is doomed—it's how you handle it that matters. Learn healthy conflict resolution techniques so disagreements can lead to growth, not distance. Keep in mind that when handled in a healthy way, conflict can deepen your intimacy as a couple.

Validate Each Other's Feelings

Even if you disagree, let your partner know you understand where they're coming from. A simple "That makes sense" can go a long way in helping them feel heard and respected.

Know Your Communication Styles

Not everyone has the same communication style. Within a relationship, you may want to handle conflict directly on the spot, while your partner needs time to process. Understanding your and your partner's communication style can help you meet in the middle and also minimize frustration. This is a vital relationship skill that can reduce unnecessary friction.

Seek Help When Needed

Sometimes communication breakdowns are too deep to fix on your own. Couples therapy can offer tools and a neutral space to work through tough issues. Consider looking for a therapist together and choosing someone you both feel comfortable being vulnerable with. A good therapist can equip you with communication tools that improve the quality of your relationship.

Be Honest and Transparent

Sugar coating or hiding your feelings to avoid conflict is seldom a good idea. Instead, be honest, kind, and share openly to create a safe and secure dynamic within your relationship. Improving communication is an ongoing process, but every conversation is an opportunity to grow closer. Whether you're navigating day-to-day life or facing bigger challenges, open dialogue can be your greatest tool for lasting connection.

Schedule Check-Ins

Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to ensure there are no brewing conflicts. During these check-ins, ask about what's going well, what could be better and whether needs are being met, Lewis says. She also suggests asking whether any conversations are being avoided. "Healthy communication is not just a tool to fix problems; it's how we nurture and protect connection before it breaks down," Lewis says.