Expert Tips for How to Balance a Relationship and Work

Our lives are multifaceted. We have an assortment of hobbies, relationships—including a prized romantic partnership with bae—and a career. Striking the balance between all the above isn't something that just happens; it requires intentional planning. Perhaps the biggest struggle is figuring out how to balance a relationship and work.

For many, both are top priorities, and so we find ourselves in situations where work is affecting our relationship or vice versa—our relationship is affecting work. An imbalance here can cause either to suffer, which can create ongoing stress and potential regret later on down the road.

To help you navigate balancing career and relationship, we spoke with mental health professionals who've seen this issue come up time and again in their own practice. Here's their best advice.

In this article:

• Can Work Affect Your Relationship?
• Can Your Relationship Affect Work?
• How to Balance a Relationship and Work

Can Work Affect Your Relationship?

If work/life balance isn't prioritized, then your career has the ability to negatively impact your relationship. And it's not just about hours spent in the office or checking email—work stress and burnout affect relationships, too.

"Besides just the amount of time you spend there, it's a question of where your head is at," says Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, a couples counselor and director of the Baltimore Therapy Center. "If you struggle to draw a line between home life and work life—an increasingly common challenge these days—your work can eat into your relationship even when you're at home."

FEATURED VIDEO FROM THE KNOT

And let's not dismiss the insidious drag of smartphones on a relationship. Checking email or responding to Slack messages all evening long (and on the weekend) often means your focus is being drawn away from your significant other while you're spending important time together. In fact, Bilek says that this can make it feel like you're not together at all—even if you're physically side by side.

Can Your Relationship Affect Work?

A relationship can impact work because it adds an additional layer to balance in your life and takes focus away from prioritizing work, notes Leanna Stockard, LMFT, a licensed therapist at LifeStance Health. She says, "I believe that understanding the line between healthy distraction and the downfall is important to understand, and this line will likely be different for each person."

Relationships typically "get in the way" with work when your focus is disproportionately dedicated to the partnership. This can happen when you're experiencing stress or conflict in your relationship, Bilek says. Think about just how much energy an angry text chat can take, or how much mental space is dedicated to problem-solving a relationship issue. You only have so much capacity to give.

If you're in the exciting throes of a new relationship, where you can't stop thinking about the other person or you want to send cutesy texts all day, that can also potentially affect work. This honeymoon phase tapers off over time, but you still may want to rein it in a bit if you've noticed your work is suffering (missed deadlines, procrastination or subpar work).

Here's the thing, though: A healthy bond—and understanding how to balance work and long-term relationships—can actually be a boon to your career. It means you've inherently got a close friend built into your support network. Someone who champions you, lends an ear when you need one, and can help you brainstorm, problem-solve and ultimately succeed.

"If you notice that your relationship is prompting happiness, is encouraging you to set healthy boundaries with work, and that your work efficiency is not being impacted, then you are likely still in a 'healthy distraction' category," Stockard says.

How to Balance a Relationship and Work

Whether you're dealing with work burnout affecting a relationship or are struggling with balancing career and relationship, these expert tips can help.

Determine the Right Balance for You

Balance doesn't necessarily mean an even 50/50 split, and different seasons of your life may mean prioritizing career over relationship and vice versa. "The most important thing I could recommend is for you to take time to understand how you want to prioritize work and relationships in your life," Stockard says. "You may be career-oriented and want to spend 50% of your time focusing on work, and the other 50% focusing on other areas of your life. Or you may want your balance to look more like 70/40. What is important is for you to take the time to assess this and understand your balance before you begin to implement it."

When You're At Home, Be Home

While there are circumstances when you need to be on call for work, those should be the exception rather than the rule. Make time for your partner when you're together, whether indulging in some fun date ideas or simply being together at home.

"Generally speaking, when you are having dinner with your family, or out on a walk with your spouse, the phone should be on silent or in a drawer somewhere," Bilek says. Also, work on redirecting work-related thoughts and stress so you can truly be in the moment with your partner.

Psst! This mental separation also applies when you're at work. Bilek says, "When you're at work, personal conversations should be avoided (Do Not Disturb mode can be a big help here.) Be present where you are to maintain a manageable balance of both."

Let Your Partner Know What to Expect

Communication is crucial when balancing a relationship and career, so be honest with your partner about what you need in order to stay focused during work hours, whether that's minimal texting, postponing tough conversations or having dedicated check-in times outside of work.

"If you make it clear to [your partner] that you can't engage in long back-and-forths while you're at work—and you stick to that policy—you can reach an understanding that you're just not available to deal with relationship issues during the work day," Bilek says.

Set Clear Boundaries With Work

If it's starting to seem like work is the problem and is impacting your relationship, see if there are opportunities for you to begin setting boundaries. "Take a look at your job description and contract to ensure you are working within the work hours and doing the tasks that are required of you," Stockard advises. "If you are doing more, then there could be some opportunity to either set a boundary, ask for higher compensation, or look for a suitable work environment for your needs and priorities."

Allow for Some Give and Take

It'd be nice if the world were clearly black and white, but the reality is that there's quite a bit of gray area. That said, allow yourself some grace and flexibility as seasons change. For example, if you're new to a company and really want to prove yourself or are going through a learning curve, work might just need more attention. Or if you're growing a new relationship, starting a family or going through a big milestone, then relationships may need more of the pie.

Through it all, communicate with your partner. "You can break down this discussion to talk about the present and the future. For instance, you may have to overextend in work right now to be able to pull back on work later," Stockard says. "If overextension and slowdowns are common, then it is important to make this conversation a recurring one."

Share Concerns With Your Partner

What if your partner is the one who is working too much? Perhaps the roles are switched and you feel like your partner has become a bit too attached to their work phone or can't seem to work through work-related stress and it's impacting your time together.

This one can be trickier, especially if your partner doesn't notice it or feels there's nothing they can do about it, says Kristen Mark, a sex and relationship researcher. She says your best bet at rectifying this issue is, you guessed it, to talk to your partner.

"Communicate with your partner about why you feel their work is impacting your relationship and be clear in your needs and requests," she advises. "What needs aren't being met that can be met? Make sure these are realistic and be open to compromise. Approach it in a way that highlights the relationship as a priority."

Routinely Evaluate Priorities and Balance

Like any aspect of life, regular check-ins are important when figuring out the best balance between work and life. This requires some introspection and big picture assessment to determine what's working, what isn't and what needs to be shifted.

"Many people address the needs that are in front of them and never stop to zoom out for a moment. Who are you working for? If you're trying to support your family, wouldn't it make sense to prioritize spending time with them as well?" Bilek says. "Keeping your eye on the ultimate goal can help you make better decisions on the immediate needs, as well." With clear priorities and open communication, you'll be able to find balance between work and a relationship and feel more at peace in your day-to-day life.