60 Deep Questions for Couples to Strengthen Your Relationship

Have you ever heard of the concept of microevolution? It's the idea that we all grow little by little every single day, which means there's always something new to learn about our partners, even if we've been with them for years or decades! That means asking deep questions for couples is something we should do throughout our relationship.

"It's important to keep that curiosity and consistently learn about your partner," notes Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a professor and relationship expert in Los Angeles. "Asking deep questions can contribute to enhanced emotional intimacy, closeness and bonding, leading to a healthier relationship overall."

If you're not quite sure where to start, we've got you covered with our robust list of questions to deepen a relationship. From physical and emotional intimacy to dreams, fears and goals, these conversation starters are an excellent way to understand your partner on a whole new level. (While you're at it, consider weaving in some of these fun relationship games that can help strengthen your bond, too!)

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How These Questions Can Deepen Your Relationship

Questions likely poured freely at the beginning of your relationship. It was an exciting time as you got to unravel all the fun quirks, histories and passions about your partner. Settling into a relationship brings a sense of peace and much-desired comfort, but it's still important to keep learning about your bae.

"One of the myths in long-term relationships is that once you 'know' someone—their upbringing, how they tend to view various topics, what they like to eat, and how they react in different situations—you're good to go. But there are always past experiences you've never heard about or difficult stories that have been buried," says Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, sociologist and sex educator for Pjur. "More importantly, you and your partner are both always changing."

Just like people are always shifting and growing, so are relationships. Gunsaullus says that when you keep asking, listening and learning about your partner, it keeps the connection alive because you're showing that you care about who they are now and how they continue to evolve.

The Best Deep Questions for Couples

Asking your partner deep questions invites vulnerability, which is where true intimacy lives and grows. Whether you're hoping to cover topics to discuss before marriage or are years into matrimony, here are some of our favorite deep questions to ask in a relationship (many of which were provided by Suwinyattichaiporn and Gunsaullus). These deep questions for him and for her range from sexual intimacy to past experiences to future hopes and goals.

1. What is something you're really looking forward to in our future?
2. What is a past experience you haven't yet told me about?
3. When did you first realize you loved me (or knew this could be something real)?
4. When do you feel most connected to me, inside and outside the bedroom?
5. Is there anything I could do to make our physical connection even better for you?
6. What helps you feel more emotionally safe with me?
7. What were some defining moments in your past relationships?
8. How has your view on sex changed over time?
9. Beyond sex, what does intimacy mean to you?
10. What kind of touch do you crave more of?
11. What role does sex play in our relationship for you?
12. What characteristics do you think define a healthy friendship?
13. How has being in this relationship changed your outlook on life?
14. Has anything I said or did early on really stuck with you over the years?
15. What's a fear that you've been trying to work through?
16. How do you like to reconnect after an argument or period of distance?
17. What's something that people commonly misunderstand about you?
18. What's a fear you've never said out loud before?
19. What is a fear you've had in the past that you were able to work through?
20. When are you most proud of yourself?
21. What kind of personal growth are you hoping to achieve in the next few years?
22. What's something you've been avoiding that I could help you with?
23. What do you want to feel or experience more of in your life going forward?
24. What are your deepest fears about life?
25. What's one challenge we faced that you're proud we overcame together?
26. What do you wish I better understood about your stress?
27. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
28. What's something you're afraid might come between us in the future?
29. How do you think we can manage conflict better?
30. What's something you hope we'll accomplish together as a couple?
31. What was your earliest childhood memory?
32. Is there something you've always wanted to do together but haven't brought up?
33. What would you say are your three most important core values?
34. What's a totally irrational thing that brings you comfort?
35. How can I be a better partner for you?
36. What do you hope never changes about us?
37. Are there any fears you carry from past relationships or childhood?
38. Is there a dream you've been too scared to chase but still hope to one day?
39. How can I best support you when you're having a difficult time?
40. Is there something you're afraid to ask or talk to me about?
41. What's something really small that makes you feel incredibly happy?
42. What's something you believed as a kid that you now think is funny?
43. What random skill would you love us to learn together?
44. How would you say your upbringing impacted who you are today?
45. What's a memory from your childhood that stands out today?
46. What's a time you were disappointed in someone, and why?
47. What do you think was one of our biggest growth moments as a couple?
48. If we could time travel to any era together, where would you take us and why?
49. What's a time when you were really touched by someone, and why?
50. What's a moment in your past that defined who you are today?
51. What fear motivates you, even if it's uncomfortable?
52. What's something that you wish I did more often?
53. What's a moment in your life you wish you had on video?
54. What do you think is your most underrated trait?
55. What's a favorite memory of us that I may not know means a lot to you?
56. What's something I do that makes you feel loved?
57. Which people have been the most influential in your life, and why?
58. What do you hope you'll always make time for, no matter how busy life gets?
59. When do you feel most like yourself in our relationship?
60. If we made a relationship scrapbook, what top moments would make the cut?