Why, When and How to Do a Relationship Check-In With Your Partner

We have a not-so-secret secret for you: Every relationship reaches a point where you need to have a little chat about things. Whether it's to talk about finances, relationship goals or how you feel about turning your situationship into a more serious relationship, nothing is more beneficial than a relationship check-in.

"A relationship check-in is a huge opportunity for couples to connect and mindfully communicate openly about their relationship," says Katie Dissanayake, the relationship expert and CEO of the dating app After.

Maybe you're wondering what having a relationship check-in looks like, how to check in on your relationship or what the benefits of having this type of conversation are. If that's you, don't worry. We've got expert-approved insights from Dissanayake on everything relationship check-in and how it can help strengthen your relationship.

In this article:

• What is a Relationship Check-In?
• Benefits of a Relationship Check-In
• What to Talk About in a Relationship Check-In
• How Often to Have a Relationship Check-In
• How to Initiate a Relationship Check-In

What is a Relationship Check-In?

Relationship check-ins, to some, make you wealthier than all the gold in the world. After all, they're what keep your relationship happy, healthy, fun and of course, mutually satisfying for both partners.

There are many types of relationship check-ins, too: a daily relationship check-in, weekly relationship check-ins, monthly relationship check-ins and even end-of-year relationship check-ins. And what works for your relationship truly depends on you!

But what does checking in on a relationship really mean? According to Dissanayake, a relationship check-in is really just an intentional conversation where your partner(s) can share their feelings, reflect on your dynamic and address any challenges or areas for growth. "Think of it as a routine tune-up to ensure the relationship is running smoothly," she adds.

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Benefits of a Relationship Check-In

Nothing says building relationship skills quite like a relationship check-in—and there are so many benefits to implementing this tried-and-true trick. After all, communication is key. "When approached with honesty, respect and love, check-ins can help couples stay aligned, improve communication and foster a deeper sense of understanding," Dissanayake explains.

By creating an easy and safe space to address small issues, check-ins can:

• Prevent conflicts from escalating
• Give partners the chance to celebrate wins and express gratitude for each other
• Provide a clear slate for any misunderstandings
• Relationship check-ins foster reconnecting emotionally—which is vital for maintaining a healthy, thriving relationship

No matter if you've been married for 50 years, dating for 3 months or you're in a longtime situationship, pulling out the relationship check-in trick can help anyone's partnership for the better.

What to Talk About in a Relationship Check-In

Okay, but is there a correct way to learn how to have a relationship check-in? Well, not really. What relationship check-in questions you ask and how you bring them up all depend on your comfort levels.

The phrase "relationship check-in" may sound serious to some, Dissanayake says, but understanding what your partner needs and what you can improve upon might come down to more everyday stuff. "Every couple is different and might need to discuss different things. Maybe one person needs more blankets for bedtime and the other is a hot sleeper," she gives an example. "So the conversation may be 'Hey, have you been sleeping well? Can we change our blanket arrangement to make it better?'"

It is, of course, also an opportunity to go deeper. If there's anything that's been worrying you about your relationship, bring it up and discuss it openly, and make sure you are helping your partner do the same.

How Often to Have a Relationship Check-In

Again, this depends on you and your partnership. "Some couples may benefit from scheduling a weekly or bi-weekly agreed-upon check-in, but for others putting it on the calendar may feel like added pressure," she says.

It's important, above all, that relationship check-ins feel intentional. For that, Dissanayake suggests making time to chat about the relationship in moments that feel loving and calm but private, such as Saturday morning breakfast or a casual dinner. "It's probably a bad idea to drop a big question or issue on your way to your in-laws or as your partner heads out to work, so pay attention to the context and wait for a time that will give you both the best chance at a positive, productive conversation," she says.

How to Initiate a Relationship Check-In

Now that you know how powerful check-ins are, how can you initiate one for yourself? Starting simple, in our opinion, is always best." Starting a check-in can be as simple as saying, 'Hey, I love you, how are we?'" Dissanayake says, "It could also be something you tie to a habit or routine—such as a park walk or a show you both like watching."

Above all, though, the key is to set a positive tone. After all, a relationship check-in isn't to blame or shame or fight. They're to bring your partnership to an even healthier place—so frame it as an opportunity to connect rather than a response to conflict.