Etiquette for Dating a Coworker

POV: You're at your first big girl job in New York City, you meet a coworker you hit it off with right away, and before you know it, they're asking you out for coffee. Let us be the first to say: Dating a coworker is a decision only you can make (and it's not always a negative thing).

"If you have feelings for a coworker, it's important to really think things through before acting on them," Melissa Legere, a licensed marriage and family therapist and cofounder of California Behavioral Healthcare, says. Considering if an office romance is right for you can feel big, like how it could affect your job, their job and even the overall work environment, but it can also be well worth it! Who's to say someone won't meet their spouse at work?

If you need dating a coworker advice, we've combined our knowledge with Legere's expertise to guide you on how to date a coworker, define your relationship and (most importantly) form a healthy relationship, below.

In this article:

• How Many People Meet Their Spouse at Work?
• Is It Okay to Date a Coworker?
• Etiquette for Dating a Coworker

How Many People Meet Their Spouse at Work?

You might be wondering: What percentage of people meet their spouse at work? Is meeting your spouse at work in the cards for you? Well, we've got the answers. According to data from The Knot 2024 Jewelry and Engagement Study, 10% of married people in 2024 say they met their spouse at work. But when it comes to meeting your spouse at work, it seems that age does play a factor. In 2023, 13% of folks 35 and up experienced one of the biggest benefits of dating a coworker: finding their life partners.

FEATURED VIDEO FROM THE KNOT

It's only understandable why people meet at work, too. According to one study, the average person spends around one-third of their lifetime at work, which translates to about 90,000 hours. If you think about it, you'll spend approximately 33% of your waking hours at work, which is a lot of time to fall for a coworker, if you think about it.

While 10% might seem small, it doesn't mean there isn't a chance for you to meet your spouse at work, too. Dating a coworker can sometimes lead to the partnership you've been looking for.

Is It Okay to Date a Coworker?

You might be wondering, though: Is it okay to date a coworker? Can you get fired for dating a coworker? Is dating a coworker bad? Well, let's reframe it—it's not bad. It can be quite good, even.

Whether it's appropriate or not depends on a few things. "Honestly, it depends," Legere says. "First, check your company's policy—some are strict about it, while others are more lenient as long as it doesn't affect work. Then think about the power dynamic. If one of you is the boss or in charge of the other, that can get messy and even lead to problems down the line."

If there isn't a power imbalance, and there isn't a company policy, then it truly depends on what you're comfortable with. If you decide that it is okay for you to date a coworker, think about both the short and long-term. "If things don't work out, will it make work awkward? Could it affect how you or they do your job? It's not a definite no, but it's something to think through before jumping in. If you both decide to go for it, just make sure to establish boundaries and clearly communicate," Legere says.

Etiquette for Dating a Coworker

If you do decide to go for it, it is important that you know the etiquette for holding an office romance (and what to avoid, too). For example, should you tell your boss you're dating a coworker? This would depend on your workplace's policies and the nature of your relationship. It's a good idea to review your company's guidelines on relationships, and if you're unsure, have a conversation with HR. Having this and the below tips for dating a coworker in your back pocket will lead to more success in the long run.

Keep Personal and Professional Separate

"You need boundaries because mixing emotions with work can create unnecessary drama/complications," Legere explains. "It's unfair to your colleagues or clients if personal issues affect your work environment. Keep things professional while you're at work and handle personal matters outside of the office."

Don't Let Your Relationship Affect Your Work Performance

You should always stay focused and committed to your work responsibilities, just like you would with any colleague. If you're going to have all the benefits of dating a coworker, you should also know the risks of dating a coworker.

"Relationships can bring distractions, but it's important to ensure that your work doesn't suffer because of it," Legere says. "Keep up with deadlines, meetings and overall job performance—no matter what's going on in your personal life."

Don't Involve Coworkers in Your Relationship

Another big etiquette to follow? Keep things between you and your partner. "It's tempting to talk about your personal life at work, but it can make others uncomfortable or create awkward situations," Legere explains. "Maintain professionalism by keeping the focus on work when you're with your colleagues."

Be Discreet About Your Relationship

Remember: It's important to maintain a level of privacy and not let your personal life become a distraction at work. It's always best to keep physical affection outside of the office. It helps keep things professional and avoids making others uncomfortable.

Be Prepared for the Possibility of Things Changing

"If the relationship doesn't work out, it's important to handle it professionally," Legere says. Be ready to maintain a respectful and professional attitude at work, she adds, regardless of what happens. This means no gossiping, no tension, and no letting personal drama affect your work or your relationship with colleagues.