Should Your Partner Come to the Wedding Shower?

One of the (many) fun parts of being engaged are all the pre-wedding festivities thrown in your honor. A bridal shower typically happens before the big day and is usually given by the bride's mother or maid/matron of honor. But, does the groom go to the bridal shower? Can you throw a wedding shower where you're both the guests of honor?

The long and short of it is, it's your celebration and you can do whatever you'd like. While traditionally, a bridal shower is only for the bride and her female friends and family, there's no hard-and-fast rule that states it has to be this way. Here, we asked the experts to weigh in on this issue.

In this story:

• Does Your Partner Attend the Shower?
• When Should Your Partner Arrive at the Shower?
• How to Include Your Partner in Your Shower
• Alternative Shower Ideas to Include Both Partners

Does Your Partner Attend the Shower?

"Historically, a bridal shower is a party for a bride-to-be where her female friends and family members are invited to celebrate her and 'shower' her with gifts to prepare her for married life," says Giulia Stavropoulos, owner and co-founder of G&N Events in Washington, DC. The bride's partner typically shows up towards the end of the bridal shower to mingle with guests.

"I would start by asking if they want to come," says Nichole Simpson, co-owner of 2 Friends Wedding & Events in San Francisco, California. "If they do, be sure to include elements that they (and their friends and family) will enjoy." However, like so many wedding traditions, it's totally acceptable to make exceptions to these rules if it's what you want for your event. You might not want your partner to come to the shower or you might want him there at the very end. Both of these scenarios are totally fine.

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When Should Your Partner Arrive at the Shower?

If you've decided you'd like your fiance to be at the event, there's no right or wrong answer to this question. You can have them show up at the end to say hello to guests, they can attend and play a few games, they can bring you flowers mid-party, or they can stay for the entire thing. Traditionally, the bride's partner comes for the end of the party, but that doesn't mean it's what you have to do.

How to Include Your Partner in Your Shower

There are numerous ways you can include your partner in your shower. They might show up for a few games, they may come in at the end of the party to help unwrap gifts, or they might be there for the whole thing. Whatever you feel most comfortable with is the right call. Below are a few different ways to include your partner in your shower.

Play a game.

Bridal showers are a great opportunity to play games. It's also a natural place to include your partner. Perhaps you could play a trivia game, where you both answer questions about your love story (where you had your first date, who said I love you first). Then the host passes out your quotes on a piece of paper and guests have to guess who said what. Another go-to game is the newlywed game. The guest of honor's partner gets interviewed before the bridal shower and answers questions like "what would she say is your most annoying habit?" or "What would she say is your best quality?" Then on the day of the shower the bride answers the questions and see how many answers match.

Deliver a gift.

If you'd like your partner to come for the tail-end of the bridal shower, they can come in and deliver you a gift like flowers, chocolate or your favorite bottle of wine. This gives them a chance to greet your guests without feeling like they're overstaying their welcome

Help with gifts.

Chances are you'll be receiving a lot of items from your registry on the day of the bridal shower. Having your partner show up to help you transport them all to your car is a great way to get them there. They can pop in, say hi, and act as your concierge service. It's a win-win.

Alternative Shower Ideas to Include Both Partners

A wedding shower doesn't have to be all about one partner. Couple's showers are becoming more common. "When deciding whether or not to have a couple's shower, it is important to consider how many guests you are comfortable inviting. It is also important to consider who you want to have celebrating with you," says Stavropoulos. "If you are excited at the idea of a larger celebration with your friends and family as well as the friends and family of your partner, then a couple's shower might be right for you! On the other hand, if you want a more intimate female-only gathering with your closest friends and family, maybe a bridal shower is a better option." If you decide a couple's shower is right for you, we've outlined a few ideas below.

Have a theme party.

"When thinking up themes and activities for your couple's shower, consider things that are important to you as a couple," says Stavropoulos. "For example, if you and your partner met over a shared interest, consider incorporating that interest into your party!" If you both love baseball, consider a baseball-themed party. If you love trying new foods, you could invite a variety of food trucks to your event and have everyone vote on which one was their favorite. Love wine? A wine tasting for your closest friends and family could be a unique idea.

Throw a stock-the-bar party.

You don't necessarily have to have guests bring you gifts from your wedding registry. If you're all about entertaining, a stock-the-bar party might be an alternative option for you. Encourage guests to bring their favorite spirit, bar accessory, garnish, or recipe to share with the happy couple. You might consider registering specifically for this event so people don't show up with multiple of one kind of item.

Have a BBQ.

"Usually it's a more casual setting focused on food and drinks," says Simpson of a couple's shower. If your vibe is more relaxed, this is an option to consider. Play lawn games like cornhole, grill out, enjoy drinks, and make it a day to spend with your closest friends and family. Throw any kind of formal or traditional agenda out the door and just enjoy each other's company.